The housework

[maro]

Do you think it's compulsory upon the wife to do the housework ?!! i found the topic to be controversial among the scholars , and i want to know your personal convictions about the issue ?

what about the task of being a mother taking care of her children ?
what if she has a career ? or studying for an academic degree ?
why do many men -if not most of them- consider it humiliating to share the housework with their wives ? and does it really have a religious basis or just cultural ?

 

[Rational_Mind]

Do you think it's compulsory upon the wife to do the housework ?!! i found the topic to be controversial among the scholars , and i want to know your personal convictions about the issue ?

what about the task of being a mother taking care of her children ?
what if she has a career ? or studying for an academic degree ?
why do many men -if not most of them- consider it humiliating to share the housework with their wives ? and does it really have a religious basis or just cultural ?

The Holy Quran speaking about the responsibilities of Husband and Wife states:

[4:35] Men are guardians over women because Allah has made some of them excel others, and because they (men) spend of their wealth. So virtuous women are those who are obedient, and guard the secrets of their husbands with Allah’s protection. And as for those on whose part you fear disobedience, admonish them and leave them alone in their beds, and chastise them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Surely, Allah is High, Great.

[2:229]...And they (the women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them in equity; but men have a rank above them. And Allah is Mighty, Wise.

According to the teachings of Islam both Men and Women have equal personal rights. The only superiority allowed for a Husband is in the case discipline as highlighted in verse 4:35. Even this right is strictly controlled and only available when the Wife exceeds all limits and drives the family towards destruction. In such an extreme case Allah (swt) has granted the Husband this right out of wisdom that in extreme circumstances a family can be saved.

To understand this better it is fundamental to first understand the importance Islam lays on the family structure. The teachings of the Holy Quran lay extreme stress on developing a positive family structure which provides a healthy environment for raising a child. This does not only require physical protection but also mental protection. An environment where the parents drink, fight, curse, chase after wealth, cheat, etc is now widely accepted as an environment perfectly suited to destroy a child's future. A divorce is one of the leading cause of trouble in raising children. In modern western society, divorce, drugs, and alcohol is rampant and leading to a society of troubled youth.

Why does Islam concentrate so much on the family structure? The reason is because the family structure is the fundamental building block of the structure of society. This is because the fundamental purpose of a family is to be able to provide an environment to raise a good believing child. Unless this purpose is achieved, for a family blessed with a child, the family has failed. Since the children of today are the adults of tomorrow, failed families result in a society full of immoral adults.

Keeping the prior explanation in mind I would now try to address your question. Islam teaches that Allah (swt) has equipped every creation with all the faculties they would need. The following verse highlights this point:

[20:51] He said, ‘Our Lord is He Who gave unto everything its proper form and then guided it to its proper function.’

If you ponder over this verse you will note that the mother in all creation is also equipped with special faculties for raising a child. Whether they are birds, cats, bears, ducks, etc. Similarly, the father is also equipped with special faculties of protecting the family and providing the comfort and support to the mother so that she can safely raise a child.

Speaking on this the Holy Quran has drawn the similitude to a garment.

These verses signify that marriage is meant for the attainment of peace of mind and mutual love and affection. Allah has also said that marriage is the means of attaining piety and of guarding one's chastity. He says:

....They are a sort of garment for you and you are a sort of garment for them.... (2:188)

The Arabic word `libas' (garment) means a thing which covers another thing. And according to the Holy Quran, a garment serves a threefold purpose: Allah says:

O children of Adam, WE have indeed send down to you raiment to cover you nakedness and to be a means of adornment... (7:27)

And then He says:

....HE has made for you garments which protect you from heat, and coats of mail which protect you in your wars.... (16:82)

Another use of our dress is that it provides protection against heat and cold. Since the Holy Quran has used the word 'garment' in respect of both the husband and wife, it proves beyond any shadow of doubt that they hold an equal status; their rights and duties are identical in respect of each other; and both are bound to fulfil their obligations to each other. When God declares each of them to be a garment for the other, He wishes it be known how they should discharge their duties towards each other which are as follows:

1. To cover up one another's weaknesses and shortcomings from others.
2. To act as an adornment and embellishment for one another.
3. Just as clothes protect us from the severity and inclemency of the weather, so in the same way the wife and the husband should stick fast to each other through thick and at no time should they fall apart in adverse circumstances. Each should serve as a rock of support to the other

Paradise on Earth

I will try to conclude this and may ad some more later as this is getting quite long. What I intend to point out is that the mother is the best person to raise a Child, which is why Islam teaches that a Wife should ideally be a House Wife. But this doesn't mean she loses her right to an education. This is a fair right that can be achieved while not letting go of her family responsibilities. It is the duty of the Husband to help allow her to get an education, situation permitting. If the career allows her to raise a child without risking their upbringing she may pursue a career. Realistically this is unlikely especially when children are young, which is why sometimes we must sacrifice worldly pleasures and pursuits in exchange for a righteous and blessed family.

 

[Rational_Mind]

why do many men -if not most of them- consider it humiliating to share the housework with their wives ? and does it really have a religious basis or just cultural ?

Here is a list of duties of a Husband and Wife:

I will now proceed to explain the rightful duties of the wife:

1. She has to look after the comfort of her husband, give him due respect and always have regard for his feelings.
2. She has to safeguard the honour of her husband.
3. She has to be the guardian of the property of her husband.
4. She has to rear and bring up their children properly.
5. She should treat the relatives of her husband as if they were her own relatives.
6. She should beautify herself for her husband.
7. She should bear in mind the tastes of her husband in the matter of food and dress.
8. She should be ever mindful of her husband's health.
9. She should give her most sincere advice when her husband consults her in any of his problems.
10. She should not make unfair and unreasonable demands on the purse of her husband.
11. She has to remain loyal to her husband under all conditions and be a source of strength to him in adverse circumstances and stick fast to him through thick and thin.
12. She should be careful that the dignity and reputation of her husband are not harmed by any of her actions.
13. Under all conditions her behaviour should be conducive to peace and tranquility in the house.

The rightful duties of the husband are:

1. He should respect and be very mindful of the susceptibilities of his wife.
2. He should try to be a source of comfort to his wife and behave in a manner that convinces her that she alone is the centre of his love and affection.
3. He should provide for all her reasonable needs and keeping within his means and should be disposed to spending in that respect with an open hand.
4. The husband should participate in the management of the house by giving hand in the household chores of his spouse.
5. He should look after her health and be always anxious about it.
6. He should refrain from keeping a close watch over every movement of his wife as if he had no confidence in her and thus making her life miserable.
7. He should always be disposed to overlooking the minor shortcomings of his wife and be generous in forgiving and forgeting.
8. He should see that trifles do not lead to a situation in which tempers are lost and threats of divorce and separation are pronounced.
9. He should shun every act or act which is likely to displease or agonise his wife.
10. The husband should display a sense of utmost sympathy towards his wife when she is in distress or has met with some misfortune.
11. He should not object to his wife meeting her relatives provided no mischief is feared from their side. He should also be respectful to them.
12. He should consult his wife in all family matters of importance and handle the situation as decided by mutual consent.
13. If there are more wives than one, the husband must treat them all as equal in every respect, in dress, in food, in living accomodation and in the duration of his stay with each of them.

The idea that it is humiliating for the Husband to share housework is not associated with Islam, rather pride and arrogance which Islam has spoken most greatly against, as these two things bring the ultimate destruction of man, and are also the cause of rejection of Prophets as highlighted in the Quran on Iblees displaying his arrogance. The Holy Quran has laid the following important verses on the relationship of Husband and Wife:

“He created you from a single being; then of the same kind made its mate.” (39:7)

“He has made for you mates of your own kind.” (42:12)

“O mankind, be mindful of your duty to your Lord, Who created you from a single soul and from it created its mate and from the two created and spread many men and women. “(4:2)

“He it is Who has created you from a single soul and made there from its mate, so that the male might incline towards the female and find comfort in her.” (7:190)

The past Khalifas and the present Khalifatul-Masih of Ahmadiyya Muslim Jamat have strongly focused on the family structure and worked to eradicate cultural innovations that found their way into Islam. The Promised Messiah (as) following on the footsteps of the Holy Prophet (saw) also worked to eradicate those practices that took away the rights of Women that were granted by the Holy Prophet (saw). Such focus has brought about unmatched success and formed Muslim Youth Organizations that are entirely dedicated to serving Islam and so far as to that the youth advising their parents on their weakness in Islam. Many parents even dedicating their unborn child to the service of Islam, sacrificing their worldly desires in exchange for a hard lifestyle in the most suffering regions of the Earth, in the hope that they can help mankind from afflictions. What I am trying to say is, that a good family structure definitely works and the teachings of Islam and sound and tested.

 

[Assad91]

Didn't the Prophet (saws) help his wives?

I don't understand the problem. Women and Men should share housework and raising a child.

I help my wife. I find nothing humiliating about it. She is my wife, who I love. Why wouldn't I? And insh'Allah, I get work soon, but I would still help.

 

[Gharib]

Do you think it's compulsory upon the wife to do the housework ?!! i found the topic to be controversial among the scholars , and i want to know your personal convictions about the issue ?

Yes it is the wife's duty to do the housework. The husband has his share but it is mostly the wife's responsibility.

what about the task of being a mother taking care of her children ?
what if she has a career ? or studying for an academic degree ?
why do many men -if not most of them- consider it humiliating to share the housework with their wives ? and does it really have a religious basis or just cultural ?

Lets take Khadija radiallahu anha as an example. She was a very wealthy business woman, she had a career but she hired people to run her business. The men on the other hand who were merchants also didn't pay anyone to run their business, they chased after it themselves.

The duty of a wife is to look after the property of her husband and her children. Anything else is secondary, however, so long as it doesn't prevent her from fulfilling her first two obligations.

The husband is required to provide for his wife, the idea of women having careers and what not comes from non-Islamic culture. In non-Islamic societies women must provide for themselves, children who turn 16 onward must pay rent to their parents in preparation for an adult life etc forcing them to gain a well paid career in order to be successful in life and forcing them to take the role of men. This is not the case in Islam.

The Prophet salallahu alayhi wa salam used to milk his own goat. He used to do many of his own work around the house. It is a cultural thing not to do housework, they think that anyone who does so is not 'a real man' so they think they are real men for not helping with the housework. They couldn't be any more wrong.

 

[seeking4truth]

As far as I understand in the normal world men and women should share household duties according to the time they have available. Many women have to help earn to contribute to household expenses so why shouldn't men share the indoor work. If only the men work then it is an extra kindness which will contribute to good relations if he did help out with housework - an act of charity maybe.

I have always thought that Islam allows staff to be employed to do all duties except one if the family is wealthy enough.

 

[Maija]

Do you think it's compulsory upon the wife to do the housework ?!! i found the topic to be controversial among the scholars , and i want to know your personal convictions about the issue ?

what about the task of being a mother taking care of her children ?
what if she has a career ? or studying for an academic degree ?
why do many men -if not most of them- consider it humiliating to share the housework with their wives ? and does it really have a religious basis or just cultural ?

I am one of those working mothers, my husband works in a hospital. Even though my hours are more than his, I try to be the one to clean.

My mom always explained to me that everybody's 100% is different.

So, I am so pleased when he takes out the trash or cooks but I don't expect it of him or ask because he is a great dad and me not driving (I'm learning..) he often does his fair share of responsibilities.

I have come to learn that even though he does not and would not agree with more traditional roles, when I do fit into those and make an effort things are usually very agreeable between us.

I think the best way to get your husband to keep the house neat or participate, which the Prophet (saw) did- is for them to see how hard you work without complaining. By setting an example others are likely to follow
inshallah.

 

[Assad91]

^That^.

A lot of times my wife doesn't ask. But when I see her struggle (she is pregnant) I help.

 

[TashaN]

Do you think it's compulsory upon the wife to do the housework ?!! i found the topic to be controversial among the scholars , and i want to know your personal convictions about the issue ?

It's a clear cut issue. The answer is no, it's not compulsory to do the housework.

what about the task of being a mother taking care of her children ?

Not compulsory.

what if she has a career ? or studying for an academic degree ?
why do many men -if not most of them- consider it humiliating to share the housework with their wives ? and does it really have a religious basis or just cultural ?

Just a cultural thing. Aide from men being too lazy to do it, it just seems to be something a female would do in our Arabic culture although i personally know alot of men who help alot ... alotttttt.