Mark Dohle
Well-Known Member
The Journey of a Monastic Pilgrim
I do believe that in belonging to the Priesthood-Of-The-People, the persons who belong to my congregation or those who struggle the way I do. So I will often pray for those consumed with violence and have no way to deal with it. Our struggles can make us more human, just as Christ Jesus was perfectly human. Evil seeks to destroy me, to strip me of my humanity, to make me an empty shell. While the grace and healing of God seek to fill me with life and healing. Yet to be healed, even if it takes time, or years has to be seen, embraced, and given to the Lord in prayer. All the while keeping patience, and trust, central.
I have found that God’s mercy is a flaming sword that cuts through my laziness, callousness, and my lack of honesty with myself, and exposes all.
So where am I at this point in my Monastic Journey? Well, I do not know. However, I do find that my trust in God’s mercy and love is growing, as well as my ability to love and accept others. My own wounds, and failures, starting over, led me to have compassion and empathy for others. I am not as free as I would like to think. My freedom grows as I choose from a deep place of inner ‘choice/struggle’, for only then can I move forward. To love oneself in God is to love all others, it cannot be otherwise.
As I age, I am finding myself, in some ways, like the older monks who were here when I was still in my 20s. I find it amazing, and am thankful that it is God, who is faithful, even when I have not been. It is all grace, my love of prayer, the gifts that I have, as well as my struggle, or dance with anger. My thorn in the flesh that keeps me in the truth of my need for deeper healing, could be one of the greatest gifts. For the Lord uses us all to build by our gifts. Yet, it reaches us in our depths through our wounds, sins, and struggles.
Patience and endurance for me is a must, to not give in to despair, or never doubt the love and mercy of God—Br.MD
When things seem cold and dark Lord,
No matter how dark it gets in my soul,
when it feels like a blizzard in a sunless world,
when all I see is pain, suffering,
and how we are the cause of most of it,
and I just want to run and hide,
no comfort, nor a place to rest,
yet it is then that I feel your presence,
deep within, seeking to whisper your love to me,
asking me to ‘be calm’,
do not be afraid to open my heart
to be fully in this world,
To just be.
So gentle your approach,
yet insistent you will not leave me be,
for that I am thankful.
Also knowing that your love for me,
is the unique love you have for each,
this world is a mystery for me,
so absurd so much of life,
yet, your love, and presence
give depth and meaning.
So again, Lord, I say ‘YES’.
To just be.—Br.MD