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The Odd, lonely soul...

S

SoulTYPE

Well-Known Member
Okay people. I have a healthy amount of friends, generally aged between 17-30.

The thing is, ALL of them have girlfriends, and/or (mostly and)recieve offers from girls. I mean offers to "I'll go out with you" kinda thing.

However, I am coming on 30, and I have NEVER had a girlfriend, not even an offer from any girls. My friends have started to sort of "leave me to myself" kinda thing, as I am the odd one out. It is almost sad that I am the only one out of a fairly large group that doesn't have a GF. Anyways, they go off with their girlfriends, and I am sorta stuck by myself and social life is decreasing rapidly.

Now, before you might ask: "Why not go out and meet them, or go out to a social group or bar?"

I have gone to pubs, nightclubs, joined over 20 social groups, introduction agencies,
blind dates (which my mates have given up on for me ), other dating services, religious groups, functions, and many other related things. All for over 15 years. Nope. Even through TAFE (similar to University), I was the only one to not have a gf.

Now, normally, I wouldn't worry about it. I haven't. But now I am here, almost 30, and almost to the fact of being depressingly lonely. I do go out and try to meet ppl, but nothin. I dress neatly and am polite, so no body language or appearance problems..

help me out fellows.
 
L

Lightkeeper

Well-Known Member
Ask several of your friends this question. The ones who know you will be able to tell you better. If you are still living at home that might be a problem to girls. They will be looking for someone who is on their own. People are always are interested in someone who is interested in them. Ask them about themselves. You may already do that. Girls are turned off by someone who only talks about themselves. They want to feel cared about.
 
Green Gaia

Green Gaia

Veteran Member
I've always found that when you stop looking and are just happy with yourself and content, that's when love seems to find you. :)
 
Mr Spinkles

Mr Spinkles

Mr
Soul-- Well, no girls have asked you out...but how many girls have you asked out on dates? Remember, if you ever want to hear a few "Yes"es, you're going to have to hear lots of "No"s. :)
 
S

SoulTYPE

Well-Known Member
Well, I have heard literally 000's of nos, but not 1 yes. And trust me, I have asked a LOT of girls out.

Also, Maize, now, I don't bother trying to find them. they'll come to me when I am ready. However,
they aren't coming to me, lol. It just FEELS that it is like a curse of repel or something.
 
S

SoulTYPE

Well-Known Member
Now when I sign into MSN, none of my contacts talk to me because they are all busy talking to their girlfriends. I know this because their GFs are online as well.

Seeing as I don't really have anyone to talk to on there anymore, should I just uninstall MSN?
 
Bastet

Bastet

Vile Stove-Toucher
SoulTYPE01 said:
they'll come to me when I am ready.
Click to expand...
This is something I really believe to be true...but do you feel that you are ready? You come across as (forgive me), desperate. I understand that you feel that time is ticking by and you are still alone (been there, done that). But you must be whole within yourself, before you can invite someone into your life. You must have love for yourself, before you can expect another to love you. You must feel that you are complete on your own, before you can share your life with another. If you don't feel these things, then I suggest you work on yourself first, and worry about a girlfriend later. If you have all of these things, then I can only suggest that you be patient...the right person will come along when you least expect it. ;)

SoulTYPE01 said:
Now when I sign into MSN, none of my contacts talk to me because they are all busy talking to their girlfriends. I know this because their GFs are online as well.

Seeing as I don't really have anyone to talk to on there anymore, should I just uninstall MSN?
Click to expand...
As I have had to point out repeatedly to some of my own friends, it is entirely possible for someone to carry on more than one conversation at once, on MSN. ;) You may not have your friends' entire attention, but if you truly value the friendship, even popping up and saying Hi every now and then, will keep the lines of communication open. Do you really want to slam that door, because you are jealous? Do they really have no time for you, or do you just feel that way, because they are talking to their girlfriends as well? If you feel that you can throw away your friends, simply because their time is not all yours now, or if your friends can't spare any time for you because they are 100% wrapped up in their girlfriends, then they can't have been great friends to begin with. I have had this problem with one friend in particular...I would take her to task for not talking to me, and she'd say "I knew you were talking to Maize...I didn't want to butt in..." :rolleyes: But that was all on her side, not mine. Yes, sometimes it was bad timing on her part, but generally I am happy to talk to her, and I'm glad she didn't decide to take me off her IM list just because we don't talk as much as we used to. Our lives are on slightly different paths now, but I still value her friendship (BTW, she's 38 and has never had a boyfriend). I don't think your being single is the problem here; it's your reaction to being single.
 
robtex

robtex

Veteran Member
soultype01 if you have been on lots of dates but have a heavy turn down for committment I am going to surmise that at this point you probably know why. Woman have a tendancy to put their cards on the table, so to speak, right up front. I have never been on a 3rd or fouth date without knowing where I stand which in hindsight I realize may not have been fair cause I am much slower in laying my cards down although a lot of that is because I am slower in deciding what I want.

Take a piece of paper or computer word doc and write down all the reasons that you were rejected and look for a pattern.

Also, very important have woman as friends. Not potetential GF's but just friends. Besides it just being a friendly thing to do two things will come of this that will affect your dating:

1) They will give you a woman's perspective which I have found to have been invaluable.

2) You will meet more woman who are dating via your friends (and hopefully you will do the same for them).

I had a dating coach for a long time. She was 12 years older than me and we never dated but were just friends. I told her about my dates and she gave me feedback. She is, strangly, always right. She saw alot of things I didn't see without ever being there.

I brought up the woman's friends part cause I noticed that in your orignial post that your friends seem mostly male. Which may bring up another point...why would a woman date you if you can't be friends with woman in general? (assuming I made the correct deduction about your friends being male).
 
Sunstone

Sunstone

De Diablo Del Fora
Premium Member
I think Robtex is onto something here, SoulType. Maybe you should make friends with a few women -- just friends -- and then see if they can't coach you in how to get a date.

But don't give up! There was a famous poet who didn't start dating until his mid-30's, either. After he got the hang of it, he became quite successful at it.

By the way, have you read any of Charles Bukowski's poetry?
 
godischange

godischange

Member
You mind being lonely then?...Because it might be that your destined to be a good friend but not a great boyfriend. You never know though. Love can be found in the most unexpected places, so keep looking. I knew a woman who lived alone until her 50's, but then met her husband and they lived together for the rest of their days.
 
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