The Origin of Valeneastmas

[Lightkeeper]

I sense a new holiday evolving. It's a three in one and lasts for four months. The Easter Bunny and St. Valentine have an affair and give birth to a chubby red elf. For four months the red elf lays eggs of love under fir trees decorated with chocolates and lettuce. Everyone has to race to collect the love before the Spoilermeister gets them.

 

[Scuba Pete]

Without orgies, I just can't see it competing with the other libidenous holidays.

 

[Circle_One]

Without orgies, I just can't see it competing with the other libidenous holidays.

Yeah, I'm with NetDoc. And there's got to be some sort of heathen practice involving scantilly clad males with whips.

 

[Sunstone]

How would males runnning around with whips be any different than going to work? Doesn't seem like a holiday at all.

 

[Circle_One]

How would males runnning around with whips be any different than going to work? Doesn't seem like a holiday at all.

According to T3gah, it was an ancient practice of fertility. They would run around and whip the waiting females who wished to become pregnant. Now, I don't want to get pregnant, but meh..I don't mind the whips lol

 

[linwood]

Don`t forget the child sacrifice!!

Do you sacrifice before or after the whipping?

I always forget.

 

[pensive]

Don`t forget the child sacrifice!!

Do you sacrifice before or after the whipping?

Yes.

 

[Circle_One]

Don`t forget the child sacrifice!!

Do you sacrifice before or after the whipping?

I always forget.

If I'm not mistaken, you sacrifice the child before the whipping for two reasons:
1)So those involved are not too tired from the whipping to be able to enjoy the sacrifice
2)So the heathen gods of the Valeneastmas orgy party are appeased enough to send us into waves of drugged ecstacy during the whipping.

 

[pensive]

You know, I'm torn between laughing my head off over this thread and being scared.

Because as funny as it is, you realize that someday, someone's liable to stumble along, not get that we're all joking around, and writing a "tell-all" website decrying the evils of Valeneastmas some day, right?

 

[Circle_One]

You know, I'm torn between laughing my head off over this thread and being scared.

Because as funny as it is, you realize that someday, someone's liable to stumble along, not get that we're all joking around, and writing a "tell-all" website decrying the evils of Valeneastmas some day, right?

LOL Pensive! But then at least Valeneastmas will go down in history along with the other evil, heathen Pagan holy days like Samhain, Valentines day, Easter and Christmas! Oh, and it will give T3gah a new holiday to write about.:biglaugh: :jam:

 

[Circle_One]

Why is everyone making the first character in my handle an upper case letter "t"?

Does it make that much difference? It's a proper name and rules of grammar say that proper names are to be capitalized and so, I capitalize.

 

[Quoth The Raven]

You know, I'm torn between laughing my head off over this thread and being scared.

Because as funny as it is, you realize that someday, someone's liable to stumble along, not get that we're all joking around, and writing a "tell-all" website decrying the evils of Valeneastmas some day, right?

Yes...I can see much potential for burning in a pit of fire here.:jiggy: Oh well, I'm damned already, having just done my bit to perpetuate the 'Santa Lie'. Now it's off to knock up a tinfoil hat and sleep the sleep of the damned for all eternity.:woohoo: