RF's resident journalist, @Debater Slayer, is bringing you today's edition of the RF Daily Newspaper. I couldn't have known about all of this news without the help of my sources, whom I'm not going to reveal—to maintain their anonymity and safety, of course, not because I want to take all the credit for myself or anything.
RF Daily—report from the Religious Debates forum: Two deists, one Christian, and an atheist have been arrested by the moderators for preaching both against and for religion. The deists and Christian are being tried according to Rule 8, while the atheist is about to be released on the grounds of having a "confused religious identity and cussing and raging at a god he doesn't even believe in." The atheist's lawyer is saying that his client was just "trying to show how evil God is, which is common on the Internet. My client is hardly alone in this."
RF Daily—report from the Islam DIR: A Saudi Muslim, known as @Smart_Guy among his friends and colleagues, has been arrested for "inciting sectarian violence in the DIR" by making jokes about the religion of Shawarma and promoting action and shooter video games to all of his fellow Muslims of different sects. Reports say that the admins who arrested him could not get his fingerprints because he had a green thumb.
RF Daily—report from the Hinduism DIR: The staff are investigating an incident where a Hindu, called @Terese, was beaten up in the DIR for posting a picture of Krishna eating the breakfast she had reportedly made for him. According to her attackers, she lied when she said, "Krishna was not harmed in the making of this picture." The moderators are planning a visit to the hospital Krishna is in to investigate whether or not he was actually harmed because of @Terese's cooking.
RF Daily—report from the Judaism DIR: The nighttime activities of a forum poster called @Tumah have been the subject of many of his acquaintances' outrage for quite a while, as he tends to post in the early hours of Shabbat. As a result, several people have called for RF to ban his account on every Saturday. Unfortunately, the staff could not comply with the request, since most of the staff pretend to be Jews on Shabbat and consequently take the day off on their own, leaving no one online to take action.
RF Daily—report from the Christianity DIR: Staff are currently looking into the possibility of shutting down the DIR for some time to avoid tension amid conflicts among DIR members from different denominations to claim Pope Francis as their own. "I have never seen a more likable Christian religious leader since Jesus Christ, and I know what I'm talking about; I was alive back then and met Jesus too," says @Sunstone, an esteemed ex-Christian dubbed the "Godfather of all ex-Christians and their grandfathers."
RF Daily—report from the Non-Theist DIR: A disgruntled DIR member, called @Revoltingest, has been arrested for "stirring up tension" by rallying his supporters and allies to throw eggs and bacon at the front of the DIR and through its windows. "It was my allies' idea, not mine. I swear to @Wirey!" pleaded the suspect, who claimed that his supporters organized the protest because "my fellow non-theists have been brainwashed by halal and kosher dietary habits and refused to acknowledge the supremacy of bacon."
RF Daily—report from Site Feedback: Reports that several sock puppet account remains have been found in front of Site Feedback have surfaced recently, causing some to question how humanely the staff treat chronic sock puppets and prolific trolls in Site Feedback threads. "I'm starting to wonder if those admins and mods are doing their job as humanely as possible," said an anonymous RFer, posing his question to RF admin @Quagmire.
To answer the question, @Quagmire said, "Well, when an admin or mod comes out of one of those Site Feedback threads, feel free to ask him or her about how the chronic sock puppets and trolls are treated there. Assuming the admin or mod manages to preserve their sanity after going through the thread and coming out of it, of course."
Thanks for reading! This was brought to you by @Debater Slayer, the head of the RF Daily Newspaper and benchmark of journalistic professionalism among... the three people who actually think he's a qualified journalist.
RF Daily—report from the Religious Debates forum: Two deists, one Christian, and an atheist have been arrested by the moderators for preaching both against and for religion. The deists and Christian are being tried according to Rule 8, while the atheist is about to be released on the grounds of having a "confused religious identity and cussing and raging at a god he doesn't even believe in." The atheist's lawyer is saying that his client was just "trying to show how evil God is, which is common on the Internet. My client is hardly alone in this."
RF Daily—report from the Islam DIR: A Saudi Muslim, known as @Smart_Guy among his friends and colleagues, has been arrested for "inciting sectarian violence in the DIR" by making jokes about the religion of Shawarma and promoting action and shooter video games to all of his fellow Muslims of different sects. Reports say that the admins who arrested him could not get his fingerprints because he had a green thumb.
RF Daily—report from the Hinduism DIR: The staff are investigating an incident where a Hindu, called @Terese, was beaten up in the DIR for posting a picture of Krishna eating the breakfast she had reportedly made for him. According to her attackers, she lied when she said, "Krishna was not harmed in the making of this picture." The moderators are planning a visit to the hospital Krishna is in to investigate whether or not he was actually harmed because of @Terese's cooking.
RF Daily—report from the Judaism DIR: The nighttime activities of a forum poster called @Tumah have been the subject of many of his acquaintances' outrage for quite a while, as he tends to post in the early hours of Shabbat. As a result, several people have called for RF to ban his account on every Saturday. Unfortunately, the staff could not comply with the request, since most of the staff pretend to be Jews on Shabbat and consequently take the day off on their own, leaving no one online to take action.
RF Daily—report from the Christianity DIR: Staff are currently looking into the possibility of shutting down the DIR for some time to avoid tension amid conflicts among DIR members from different denominations to claim Pope Francis as their own. "I have never seen a more likable Christian religious leader since Jesus Christ, and I know what I'm talking about; I was alive back then and met Jesus too," says @Sunstone, an esteemed ex-Christian dubbed the "Godfather of all ex-Christians and their grandfathers."
RF Daily—report from the Non-Theist DIR: A disgruntled DIR member, called @Revoltingest, has been arrested for "stirring up tension" by rallying his supporters and allies to throw eggs and bacon at the front of the DIR and through its windows. "It was my allies' idea, not mine. I swear to @Wirey!" pleaded the suspect, who claimed that his supporters organized the protest because "my fellow non-theists have been brainwashed by halal and kosher dietary habits and refused to acknowledge the supremacy of bacon."
RF Daily—report from Site Feedback: Reports that several sock puppet account remains have been found in front of Site Feedback have surfaced recently, causing some to question how humanely the staff treat chronic sock puppets and prolific trolls in Site Feedback threads. "I'm starting to wonder if those admins and mods are doing their job as humanely as possible," said an anonymous RFer, posing his question to RF admin @Quagmire.
To answer the question, @Quagmire said, "Well, when an admin or mod comes out of one of those Site Feedback threads, feel free to ask him or her about how the chronic sock puppets and trolls are treated there. Assuming the admin or mod manages to preserve their sanity after going through the thread and coming out of it, of course."
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That's it for today's breaking news! If you don't find any news about you above, then that's probably a good thing. As the cliche goes, "No news is good news"!
Thanks for reading! This was brought to you by @Debater Slayer, the head of the RF Daily Newspaper and benchmark of journalistic professionalism among... the three people who actually think he's a qualified journalist.
