powellbr5591
Member
Well, I think it's about time I started a journal on here. It will be at times a rehash of other threads of mine and at others will be things that no one knows happened to me, so stay tuned for more.
-
Welcome to Religious Forums, a friendly forum to discuss all religions in a friendly surrounding.
Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:- Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
- Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
- Access to private conversations with other members.
We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!
The story of my life
- Thread starter powellbr5591
- Start date
psychoslice
Veteran Member
Well lets hope your not boring lol.
powellbr5591
Member
So this story really gets started when I was three. At the time, my father was a drunk, and a violent one at that, and my mom finally had had enough of his ****, so they got divorced. From what I've learned from my mom because my father is still full of **** and a grade A asshat, he lied to the judge at the custody hearing to get custody of my brother and I. After he got custody of us, we went to live with my grandma, who I live with to this day, I'm going to be moving into a dorm just off of campus in the fall before college starts. From that time until he met my current step-mom, he would occasionally get drunk and beat my brother and I for no reason with a belt he had, it was all leather with a big ol' cowboy style belt buckle on it. When my brother or I would get even a little out of line, he would beat us with it, and I'd get most of it. Even after he met my step-mom, he would occasionally come home and sleep in the room I now sleep in. When he wasn't at home at this time, he was sleeping at my step-mom's apartment. I don't know how long it was after this but some time after, they got married down in Las Vegas, and mind you, at this time, I was being told nothing about it or anything else, I was expected to just go along with whatever was thrown at me. Although, enough about him for now.
My mom is a great woman, basically the exact opposite of my father. I don't know much about what was going on at this time with her because my dad liked to keep us away from her as much as possible, although now oddly I know more about her side if the family that I do about his. From what I do remember she was working and living down in the town near where I live. After a couple of years she moved back out to where I live and met my current step-dad. As a result, I have two younger brothers from them, although it's more interesting than the normal situation. When they were together the first time, they we're living in a house that was admittably pretty ****ty, although it's the same story for a lot of the houses out here, and at the time he was an alcoholic just like my father. After a while, the same situation occurred with them as did with her and my father, although not till after my second youngest brother was born, I'm the eldest of five kids. So a little while after she divorced him, she married a man who was a grade AAA asshat, enough said, won't say more on him though than what's needed. He was a retired police officer who was impotent so they had no kids together, and he had wrecked on a motorcycle some time back, which left him needing a cane to walk. He had two kids, a son and a daughter, from a previous marriage, his previous wife died in a wreck caused by a drunk driver, man my family has horrible luck with alcohol wouldn't you say? And so, after a while, they divorced and she and her husband from the previous marriage started dating again after a while. They got married again and then from what I remember, they divorced again. Then after a long time they got married again and had my fourth youngest brother, my third youngest brother was born by my dad and step-mom, more on that later.
I will post more with the return of the sun on the morrow because it is after midnight now. Stay tuned for more.
My mom is a great woman, basically the exact opposite of my father. I don't know much about what was going on at this time with her because my dad liked to keep us away from her as much as possible, although now oddly I know more about her side if the family that I do about his. From what I do remember she was working and living down in the town near where I live. After a couple of years she moved back out to where I live and met my current step-dad. As a result, I have two younger brothers from them, although it's more interesting than the normal situation. When they were together the first time, they we're living in a house that was admittably pretty ****ty, although it's the same story for a lot of the houses out here, and at the time he was an alcoholic just like my father. After a while, the same situation occurred with them as did with her and my father, although not till after my second youngest brother was born, I'm the eldest of five kids. So a little while after she divorced him, she married a man who was a grade AAA asshat, enough said, won't say more on him though than what's needed. He was a retired police officer who was impotent so they had no kids together, and he had wrecked on a motorcycle some time back, which left him needing a cane to walk. He had two kids, a son and a daughter, from a previous marriage, his previous wife died in a wreck caused by a drunk driver, man my family has horrible luck with alcohol wouldn't you say? And so, after a while, they divorced and she and her husband from the previous marriage started dating again after a while. They got married again and then from what I remember, they divorced again. Then after a long time they got married again and had my fourth youngest brother, my third youngest brother was born by my dad and step-mom, more on that later.
I will post more with the return of the sun on the morrow because it is after midnight now. Stay tuned for more.
powellbr5591
Member
Oh believe me, it's going to be far from with the life I've lead thus far
psychoslice
Veteran Member
Yes interesting so far, do you drink alcohol yourself ?.
powellbr5591
Member
No, haven't touched a drop yet in my life because of seeing what it's done to my family, which is already one thing I've done differently than my father because he was addicted to the bottle by the time he was my age because he would go out and party with his friends and get drunk and so on and and so forth with that.
oldbadger
Skanky Old Mongrel!
So, basically, your Mum has got married about six times to about three (or is it four?) blokes?
............ and all the adult males in your life have been total barstewards?
......... but somebody has ensured that you did get an education......... 'cos you're off to college?
............ and all the adult males in your life have been total barstewards?
......... but somebody has ensured that you did get an education......... 'cos you're off to college?
powellbr5591
Member
it's only been four times
Only my dad and my mome ex-husband that I won't talk about have been asshats but my dad's getting better about it
Oh, if only things we're that simple......... but somebody has ensured that you did get an education......... 'cos you're off to college?
powellbr5591
Member
So, some more about my father. After he and my step-mom got married, they moved into the house next door to where I live. My father was working at a construction company driving truck for them. From what I remember not much was happening at this time, although at this time I had two dogs, a big yellow lab and a small shih tzu, before that I had had two black laplb pups and another yellow lab, and that was at my house. Down at my other grandparent's house, they had a dalmation, a husky/wolf mix, and a purebread Siberian husky, which they still have. After a time, they had to get rid of the husky/wolf mix because he was aggressive as one would expect from a 50/50 mix. This was about the same time as they got the dalmation as the two of them we're constantly fighting over the other one. So after a while, the dalmation died of old age and then whether or not they got another dog, I don't remember. We still have the female husky though, along with two lab, German shepherd, husky, malamute, and wolf mixes. They also have two cats, one is a bigger cat, we aren't sure what it is, it jumped into one of my uncles cars when he worked at a fast food place down in town, and if they know what the other one is, I don't know. Interesting story on how they got that one though. She was acquired when we we're looking for one that disappeared who the same uncle that the one jumped into his car found as a young kitten who was on the streets. They had a third one at the time of the other one but she died of old age, she was around 14 or 15 years old.
Anyway, the two black lab pups my dad had gotten from a friend of his in a town in the next county over. One of them had really curly hair and the other one had as straight of hair as possible and they we're great dogs. it was pretty well normal with those two when we had them, although the one that had the curly hair got parvo when we had her. Anyway, about the yellow lab before them. He was a great dog from what I remember, we got him when I was maybe 4 or 5. He was as tall as I was at the time and he was just great, although the fence in the front yard wasn't finished so we had to keep him on a chain when he was outside by himself. There was a dog across the street that he loved to play with, she was a red boned coon hound. Some time after the fence was finished in the front yard, he got out, he was always getting out of the yard, he got hit by a car, and he was an old dog at the time, and we ended up having to put him down.
This is all I can think of at this time so when some more comes to me I will post more. Stay tuned for more.
Anyway, the two black lab pups my dad had gotten from a friend of his in a town in the next county over. One of them had really curly hair and the other one had as straight of hair as possible and they we're great dogs. it was pretty well normal with those two when we had them, although the one that had the curly hair got parvo when we had her. Anyway, about the yellow lab before them. He was a great dog from what I remember, we got him when I was maybe 4 or 5. He was as tall as I was at the time and he was just great, although the fence in the front yard wasn't finished so we had to keep him on a chain when he was outside by himself. There was a dog across the street that he loved to play with, she was a red boned coon hound. Some time after the fence was finished in the front yard, he got out, he was always getting out of the yard, he got hit by a car, and he was an old dog at the time, and we ended up having to put him down.
This is all I can think of at this time so when some more comes to me I will post more. Stay tuned for more.
powellbr5591
Member
Alright, so onto the time just before and during my junior high years. Not much to talk about with my seventh grade year, as I don't remember much ,if any, of it. Eight grade year was interesting as, mind you, neither my brother or I were allowed to show how we felt around my father, and there weren't any kids my age in my neighborhood, so I was always around adults and was expected to act mature, thus leading me to be more mature than most anyone my age that I've met, and couple that with being an introvert and being bullied as a kid during 2nd and 3rd grade, I was never able to open up to anyone. As a result, I ended up rebelling because I grew up with having God shoved down my throat by Mormons, well lets just say it didn't end up well. I ended up getting in trouble with the court system because of anger issues, which only made me angrier and pushed me further away from the systems. I ended up failing all three years of junior high, and ended up going to an alternative school to make up the credits I was missing to graduate. After all three years of being at that school, I ended up graduating my final year with a 3.665 GPA. Now in the fall, I will be starting college at USU Eastern, although I call it CEU, I grew up knowing it as CEU and will call it CEU till I'm pushing daisies. I will be taking the automotive tech course there to get the certification needed to be a mechanic. Hopefully after I get the certification if I don't get on with John Force's NHRA team, I will be working with the crew down at Midwest Street Cars.
powellbr5591
Member
Alright, so now some stuff that I've tried to keep buried. You all know of the stuff I went through as a kid and it didn't affect me all that much at the time. However, there are times that intense waves of sorrow and sadness hits me, it's happening less and less frequently as time goes though, and so one time last year on New Years Day it was especially bad for whatever reason only God knows. It was as if I all of the sudden had become seriously depressed and I became a cutter. Eventually later that month I got it under control and quit doing it. So the reason I'm posting this now is because of the episode of Naruto Shippuden that was on tonight, and I got reminded of that time in my life. If anyone has seen the show, then you know the episode and it got me thinking, because of my past I know how Naruto felt and how Sora feels in the show currently. I've also made a pact with myself that I will die before I lose control of myself, and that because I'm addicted to internet p0rn, anytime I get those urges anymore, I'll cut my left hand in remembrance of what Christ went through when He was on the cross, stopping just short of drawing blood though.
powellbr5591
Member
So today has been rather confusing. Over the past couple of days I've felt more and more drawn to Nordic type beliefs, i.e., Odin, Thor, and so one, and this all started yesterday after the rodeo that gets put on out here where I live because I asked advice about what to do with my love life from the goddess Freya.
Ever since then, I've been learning more and more about how the world was created according to the Vikings and all that comes with. And now I don't know what to do because I feel drawn to give the old gods and goddesses the worship that they deserve but I gave my life to Christ and so I know I shouldn't. Anyone who is still watching this thread, feel free to opine on what you think I should do.
However as for the vision that Freya gave me during my sleep, I was in my college dorm and I was off of work for the day and my classes we're finished for the day so I went back to my room to take a nap. After fifteen or twenty minutes, one of my dorm mates was knocking on my door because there was someone here to see me. The woman who was there was about my height, with long golden hair, whos curves would make even the most self-secure woman jealous of her curvesc because while they were profound, they weren't so profound that they distracted from the rest of her beauty. And that beauty was so that she would reduce even the most eloquent and well versed man to a mere babbling fool. Her beauty was such that she could raise an army against Heaven and Hell if she chose, if only for the masses assembled to see a smile placed upon her delicate, yet strong, face.
So with so much going for her, she had chosen me, a babbling fool in the presence of even the most average of women, one who has no romantic skill what so ever, and lists upon lists more of faults and problems one could ascribe to me. Me, over the masses upon masses of eligible, and certainly more qualified, suitors than I. And in that moment when my eyes made contact with hers, eyes of a color so majestic and beautiful that it defies all explanation other than that it defies all explanation (I know it's a logic bomb), in that instant, she broke through every barrier I had erected between the pains of the world, every pallisade and rampart that separated me from the assaults and attacks of this fallen world, and had erected herself a temple in my most remote of inner sanctuaries, wholly dedicated to her; for she was a true gift from the goddess Freya, for a woman whose beauty was so powerful and profound surely could not have been anything else!
That is the vision, the dream, that Freya herself had set before my eyes while I slept that night of yestermorn.
Ever since then, I've been learning more and more about how the world was created according to the Vikings and all that comes with. And now I don't know what to do because I feel drawn to give the old gods and goddesses the worship that they deserve but I gave my life to Christ and so I know I shouldn't. Anyone who is still watching this thread, feel free to opine on what you think I should do.
However as for the vision that Freya gave me during my sleep, I was in my college dorm and I was off of work for the day and my classes we're finished for the day so I went back to my room to take a nap. After fifteen or twenty minutes, one of my dorm mates was knocking on my door because there was someone here to see me. The woman who was there was about my height, with long golden hair, whos curves would make even the most self-secure woman jealous of her curvesc because while they were profound, they weren't so profound that they distracted from the rest of her beauty. And that beauty was so that she would reduce even the most eloquent and well versed man to a mere babbling fool. Her beauty was such that she could raise an army against Heaven and Hell if she chose, if only for the masses assembled to see a smile placed upon her delicate, yet strong, face.
So with so much going for her, she had chosen me, a babbling fool in the presence of even the most average of women, one who has no romantic skill what so ever, and lists upon lists more of faults and problems one could ascribe to me. Me, over the masses upon masses of eligible, and certainly more qualified, suitors than I. And in that moment when my eyes made contact with hers, eyes of a color so majestic and beautiful that it defies all explanation other than that it defies all explanation (I know it's a logic bomb), in that instant, she broke through every barrier I had erected between the pains of the world, every pallisade and rampart that separated me from the assaults and attacks of this fallen world, and had erected herself a temple in my most remote of inner sanctuaries, wholly dedicated to her; for she was a true gift from the goddess Freya, for a woman whose beauty was so powerful and profound surely could not have been anything else!
That is the vision, the dream, that Freya herself had set before my eyes while I slept that night of yestermorn.
powellbr5591
Member
Aye, that I do, because even though I don't believe in fate and destiny, the agents thereof believe in me
powellbr5591
Member
So this night, the goddess Freya revealed more about the woman in the vision.
Her personality was so that when I failed to do something, she'd be understanding where others would be angry or upset or dissapointed; if I was having troubles comprehending something in my studies or in other things, she'd spot what I was lacking in minutes when I'd take hours or days; she's so wise that when memories of my past would come to haunt me and with them come waves upon waves of sorrow and anguish, she could talk me down to stability again, when normally it would takes days; her sense of humor is so that when I made a joke that would leave people with a look of disbelief at it, she would find the humor that others missed, while her own jokes would be of a high brow stature, yet with the humor that typical high brow jokes usually lack; she would ooze a kind of sexuality that would make other women turn green in envy, that would make men weak at the knees in her presence, and yet, it wouldn't be at the level that made one notice that and only that.
What this has taught me is that, and while this may not always be the case, but Freya will always reveal more to me about a vision that she has given me. When she reveals more of this unto me, I shall post it as soon as humanly possible, and always after much meditation on the meaning of the vision.
Her personality was so that when I failed to do something, she'd be understanding where others would be angry or upset or dissapointed; if I was having troubles comprehending something in my studies or in other things, she'd spot what I was lacking in minutes when I'd take hours or days; she's so wise that when memories of my past would come to haunt me and with them come waves upon waves of sorrow and anguish, she could talk me down to stability again, when normally it would takes days; her sense of humor is so that when I made a joke that would leave people with a look of disbelief at it, she would find the humor that others missed, while her own jokes would be of a high brow stature, yet with the humor that typical high brow jokes usually lack; she would ooze a kind of sexuality that would make other women turn green in envy, that would make men weak at the knees in her presence, and yet, it wouldn't be at the level that made one notice that and only that.
What this has taught me is that, and while this may not always be the case, but Freya will always reveal more to me about a vision that she has given me. When she reveals more of this unto me, I shall post it as soon as humanly possible, and always after much meditation on the meaning of the vision.
powellbr5591
Member
So this night, the goddess Freya revealed more about the woman in the vision.
Her personality was so that when I failed to do something, she'd be understanding where others would be angry or upset or dissapointed; if I was having troubles comprehending something in my studies or in other things, she'd spot what I was lacking in minutes when I'd take hours or days; she's so wise that when memories of my past would come to haunt me and with them come waves upon waves of sorrow and anguish, she could talk me down to stability again, when normally it would takes days; her sense of humor is so that when I made a joke that would leave people with a look of disbelief at it, she would find the humor that others missed, while her own jokes would be of a high brow stature, yet with the humor that typical high brow jokes usually lack; she would ooze a kind of sexuality that would make other women turn green in envy, that would make men weak at the knees in her presence, and yet, it wouldn't be at the level that made one notice that and only that.
What this has taught me is that, and while this may not always be the case, but Freya will always reveal more to me about a vision that she has given me. When she reveals more of this unto me, I shall post it as soon as humanly possible, and always after much meditation on the meaning of the vision.
Her personality was so that when I failed to do something, she'd be understanding where others would be angry or upset or dissapointed; if I was having troubles comprehending something in my studies or in other things, she'd spot what I was lacking in minutes when I'd take hours or days; she's so wise that when memories of my past would come to haunt me and with them come waves upon waves of sorrow and anguish, she could talk me down to stability again, when normally it would takes days; her sense of humor is so that when I made a joke that would leave people with a look of disbelief at it, she would find the humor that others missed, while her own jokes would be of a high brow stature, yet with the humor that typical high brow jokes usually lack; she would ooze a kind of sexuality that would make other women turn green in envy, that would make men weak at the knees in her presence, and yet, it wouldn't be at the level that made one notice that and only that.
What this has taught me is that, and while this may not always be the case, but Freya will always reveal more to me about a vision that she has given me. When she reveals more of this unto me, I shall post it as soon as humanly possible, and always after much meditation on the meaning of the vision.
Aiviu
Active Member
How far it pulls you? What are the feels you have when the pulls 'calls' you?