The Wanderings of a Would-Be Poet

[Baladas]

So, I finally decided to take up writing a journal here.

Anyways, I was struck with the inspiration to share some of the earlier parts of my spiritual journey.

I came across a Bible verse today that was one of my earliest inspirations to look inward and to meditate:

"A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." - Luke 6:45

Jesus was my earliest connection to spirituality, and it was insights like the one above that led me to where I am today, along with similar ones such as:

"...For you cleanse the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of extortion and self-indulgence...first cleanse the inside of the cup and dish, that the outside of them may be clean also." - Matthew 23:25-26

The things that make Jesus so special to me are his simple wisdoms. I cherish many of his words (well, those credited to him) as some of my favorite meaningful sayings.
He is presented as a wise and deeply insightful man, who sought to point others to a deeper union with God.

As I delved deeper into the inward, self-cultivating side of spirituality I found myself aware of the presence of the divine all around me. I became more compassionate, kinder, more humble and loving.

I will discuss more of my journey as a Christian soon, I think. It will be good to further process some of it in hindsight.

It has been a strange and tumultuous path to get where I am today, and this might be the first of many posts, for anyone who happens to be interested.

 

[Baladas]

Today, my "Daily Zen Stories" app on my phone brought me back into this train of thought.

Today's story was as follows:

"A university student while visiting Gasan asked him: "Have you ever read the Christian Bible?" "No read it to me," said Gasan.

The student opened the Bible and read from St. Matthew: "And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow. They toil not, neither do they spin, and yet I say unto you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. . . . Take therefore no thought for the morrow, for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself."


Gasan said: "Whoever uttered those words I consider an enlightened man."


The student continued reading: "Ask and it shall be given you, seek and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you. For everyone that asketh
receiveth, and he that seeketh findeth, and to him that knocketh, it shall be opened."

Gasan remarked: "That is excellent. Whoever said that is not far from Buddhahood."

I loved this little story, which I discovered is a Koan from the 14th century...it made think more on this Jesus.
Honestly, despite my reverence for his teachings and my conviction that he is among the foremost of the world's wise men, I have not read his words at all recently.

I plan to re-read the Gospels, starting today, in order to refresh my memory and out of a desire to see them with new eyes.
Perhaps I will come away from this endeavor with a renewed love for Jesus' words, and will be able to detach them from the dogmas I lived for so long.

I am also coming to love the teachings of Zen more and more.
-----

Another thought that I had today was due to something that Orbit said. I find that I am an atheist to theists, and a theist to atheists.
While I am certainly not an atheist in my own mind, I find that many theists tend to see me as such.
Atheists tend to see me as a theist, which may be more true. It's hard to say.

I am a wayward mystic, content to abide in love and seek wisdom.
As the Tao embraces all, so will I.

 

[Baladas]

I feel an optimism for the future, despite my difficulties.
Life is beautiful. It is joy, it is pain. It is everything - the story of my life, penned daily by the events therein.

And at the end of a long day filled with with physical pain
I find my heart filled with contentment and happiness as I lie beside my sleeping wife and daughter.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

What is a "would-be poet?"
One of my teachers, for a creative writing class, told me poetry is not my strong point and I should stick with short stories.
However, while I do not deny his claim that I am much better at a more tradition approach to creative story writing, I can do poetry when the mood and emotions strike me and I have had two poems published (one before the class and one after).
What is poetry? Is it more than the utmost honest opening and pouring of the heart?
How are you judged? Are you a cheap for-profit who knows not of passion?
Why do you wander? Is this not the fate of all lost souls upon the earth?
Who is your soul? Are you full of life and vigor or mire and depression?
When will you awaken? When a paycheck comes or a satisfaction of mirth?

I will admit, it comes easier when you realize you can, in fact, hack and chop-up the English language into something unconventional yet still grammatically correct. My last published poem wouldn't have happened if I wouldn't have realized the origins of English'es Germanic origins and the loose-word order that is allowed by German, which translates into a fairly loose word-order in English, which allows for all sorts of grammatical gymnastics.

 

[Baladas]

What is a "would-be poet?"
One of my teachers, for a creative writing class, told me poetry is not my strong point and I should stick with short stories.
However, while I do not deny his claim that I am much better at a more tradition approach to creative story writing, I can do poetry when the mood and emotions strike me and I have had two poems published (one before the class and one after).
What is poetry? Is it more than the utmost honest opening and pouring of the heart?
How are you judged? Are you a cheap for-profit who knows not of passion?
Why do you wander? Is this not the fate of all lost souls upon the earth?
Who is your soul? Are you full of life and vigor or mire and depression?
When will you awaken? When a paycheck comes or a satisfaction of mirth?

I will admit, it comes easier when you realize you can, in fact, hack and chop-up the English language into something unconventional yet still grammatically correct. My last published poem wouldn't have happened if I wouldn't have realized the origins of English'es Germanic origins and the loose-word order that is allowed by German, which translates into a fairly loose word-order in English, which allows for all sorts of grammatical gymnastics.

In truth, it may simply be that I often lack self-confidence.
I tend to view myself too often as a "would-be" than an "is" or a "could-be".
Life has dealt me a hand that leaves me in constant pain.
This combined with my social anxiety is crippling, indeed.

Thank you for your response. It's nice to meet a fellow poet.

Also, I wander out of desire to explore - to experience the richness of life.
I have an incurable wanderlust.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

In truth, it may simply be that I often lack self-confidence.

I have come to recently realize that is my problem. I've never had any positive feedback, and my mother dismissed my artistic leanings and desires as "not work." My first publication, years ago, was more of a joke and not a very serious attempt. My second came after a teacher told I should really try and get something I wrote for his class published.
Later, where I work, one of the librarians was asking for a character to be drawn for National Library Week, and I took the spot knowing that what she wanted was simple enough for me to do (barely more advanced than a stick figure), yet it is normal for me to attempt more than what is simple and basic. Though I saw nothing more than each and every flaw of my drawing, I also saw many people who really liked her, staff that admired the drawing, one person putting a picture of her on her office door, the same drawing being used for other library material, and even a couple of library patrons taking a picture of her on their phones. It was then I realized that I really do not have much confidence, and I have been needlessly holding myself back.

Also, I wander out of desire to explore - to experience the richness of life.

Ahh, you are a wanderer who is not lost. This is definitely a very good thing, and the embodiment of that which brings fullness and richness to life. Walt Whitman definitely done a lot of wandering, but once he found his way the wandering continued but he was most definitely not lost. That is, unless you count his getting lost in the wonderful awe of nature.

 

[Baladas]

From a discussion with other mystics on here, I have once again taken up praying in tongues, now as a form of meditation similar to mantra.
I am more and more amazed by the universality of the mystic experience and the perennial nature of that aspect of reality percieved by all peoples

Here is a quote that I wanted to share that is related to this:

"The true Tao is of no nationality, no religion. It is far beyond the conceptions of even the most brilliant human being,
so it cannot be the property of one race or culture. The need to understand Tao is universal; people just give it different names in
their native languages. Tao is the very essence of life itself, so those who are alive always have the possibility of knowing Tao.
It is meant to be found in the here and now, and it is within the grasp of any sincere seeker." - Deng Ming-Dao, 365 Tao