The way we deal with anger

[michel]

The 'how do you traet your enemy' (I know that is not right, but I have paged backwards and forwards 5 times already, been distracted etc.... enough is enough) thread reminded me of something about which I was thinking recently.
As I have said before, I worked in a bank; many times I was called to deal with angry customers.

I was reminded of this the other day when my wife and I were served by someone in a shop who was blatantly rude, made a mistake but refused to accept it; we 'let it not worry us" because there is no point.

I was always the one called for when we had an angry customer with whom to deal. I never had a problem with putting on my 'I am here doing a job to serve you, and therefore I am your servant 'hat' on when in the Bank' As far as I was concerned, that was what I was paid for. But I realized that a lot of my peers did not think the same way; I heard so many "We don't get things wrong", "The computer has made a mistake"....-The only results these comments were certain to produce was further frustration and anger from the other side of the counter.

My policy when dealing with anyone who came in to complain about whatever they wanted to do so was an "Ghosh, I am really sorry, I can see what you mean- that does look strange(The bank statement, whatever); please take a seat, and I'll go and find out what we have done". I even said that when I could see that the customer was wrong.

It was incredible how the effect of that attitude affected the customers. From having raged into the office, blowing steam , the customer, when confronted by an immediate apology (Even if it was a qualified one) was incredible. You could see all the pent-up anger and anticipation of a fight 'lift' like a cloud.Even if I then had to return to tell the customer that he was in fact in error, he was ready and calm; I found that was the best way to deal with these people.
Anyone had similar responses?

 

[Linus]

Whenever I get angry about sometihng, (which isn't even that often), I always think of Ephesians 4:26 - "Be angry, and yet, do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger."

It's good advice, especially from a Christian standpont (obviously). I just try to live my life as Christ lived His - Pure, sinless, perfect. I know it won't happen, but I try my best. I try not to get angry over little things, just relax and deal with it. That's all I can really do in the end.

 

[Scuba Pete]

Goodyear taught me a long time ago to "SPAR" with my customers who were unhappy which is close to what you do Michel.

First you listen to them completely and WITHOUT interupting them. Then you

Stop (no one likes a pat answer)
Pause (think about your answer)
Assure (empathise)
Reassure. (commit to solving their problem)

Sometimes apologies are not warranted, but empathy always is.

Goodyear has enjoyed the lowest tire failure rate for years for a number of reasons. BUT, every now and then someone had a blowout. They would come in FURIOUS and itching for a fight and wanting a free tire. Now the fact of the matter is that 95% of all blowouts are due to customer neglect and more specifically low tire pressure. This is usually caused by a single puncture (and more often than not the tire was on the right rear).

So I would let the customer vent calling me, the tire and the company any and every name in the book if they wanted. When they got to the end of their story I would not say a thing and just nod my head in agreement for a few seconds. I would then say something like "If I were in your shoes, I would feel the same way! Let me find out what happened to this tire and if it's the tire's fault we will prorate it. Of course we have to look for physical damage like punctures or charred inner sidewalls that come from running it with low pressure. Give me a few minutes to check it out for you."

Of course, once off of the rim, you could tell immediately if they ran the tire soft and often we would find the puncture wound as well. I would then take the customer out to the tire and gently show them what happened and sell them a new tire. There were a few "mystery" blowouts and we took care of those butmost were due to running the tire while it was flat or semi-flat A(soft).

MOST of the customers appreciated that I took the time to LOOK, and that I didn't jump to conclusions. There were one or two that wanted a second opinion, so we would send the tire to Akron for the "experts" to look at. My conclusions were never reversed. You know, I don't miss dealing with this kind of situation at all! 30 years in automotive was enough!

 

[Feathers in Hair]

I, too, usually have a tendency to deal with angry people by being more kind in proportion. Every so often, it'll remind them to be more nice. Sometimes they just use it to tromp on your emotions even more. I used to always cry about it and take it to heart when people were rude to me, but I'm developing a little bit of a barrier to them as I age.

There are other forms of anger, though. I become incandescently angry with things like injustice, bigotry, hatred, and those who have power and don't use it for good, or use it to mock those that don't have power. It is an area that I share with my spirit animal, and I used to be frightened of it. Now, I tend to embrace and verbalize it.

 

[mrscardero]

The 'how do you traet your enemy' (I know that is not right, but I have paged backwards and forwards 5 times already, been distracted etc.... enough is enough) thread reminded me of something about which I was thinking recently.

Here is an example. I was working one New Years day at one of the busiest stations on the Thruway. Station 15. I was in the middle where all the traffic goes to and there was a line of traffic. We were so backed up that we had to add more staff but I kept my normal speed paise. I had one car after another. It was great. I like it when I am busy. A patron made an illegal U-turn because he missed his exit. So he thought. I was working on the South bound side. He wanted to get off at exit 17 which was 15 miles North bound where he originally was. I guess he thought he missed his exit since our station was station 15 and the exit he passed was exit 16. he thought the numbers were going down. Now. If he had looked at the ticket, he would have been on the right side. He came on my side and I charged him $0.95 from the exit before even though I am suppose to charge him $12.10 from the farthest station. I was being nice.(Tickets state that any U-turns made will require to pay toll from the farthest station on the Thruway). He didn't want to pay the $0.95. He cursed at me and demanded to speak to a State Trooper. I informed him that he made an illegal u-turn and that it was against the law. I also stated that I am suppose to charge him $12.10 from the farthest exit since he made a u-turn, but that I was being nice since it's the Holidays. He continued to curse and yell at me. I politely stated with a smile, "Sir, what you did was wrong to make a u-turn on a Thruway. I am asking only for $0.95 instead of $12.10 because it's the holidays. If you would like a State Trooper here, I would gladly call one for you and they will want to know why you are refusing to pay the toll. Would you like to explain to them that you made an illegal u-turn?"
The man refused to calm down and handed me a dollar. I gave him his change of a nickle and he threw it in the back seat, almost hit his kid, and still wanted the state troopers number. I wrote it down and handed it to him. My last statement with a smile. "Have a nice Holiday, Sir." He sped out my lane and got stuck behind a line of traffic.

I did my job. I stayed calm and I was polite. Service with a smile. No matter how angry people are towards you, what's the sense in stooping to their level. It's not worth it. Plus. I like my job. I like working with people. No matter how angry they get, always smile. Hopefully they will get to their destination and wonder why they were rude to the toll collector who did nothing but service them with a smile.

I don't like to get stressed out. It makes me want to eat a lot and I am on a diet .