There is a god or there isn't a god

[We Never Know]

I was raised without religion, but at age twenty, while in the Army, I met a girl who was a zealous Christian. Being in a relatively bad place in life - I had already failed at university due to lack of discipline, which is why I chose the military, but that life was unpleasant for me, adding to the general malaise of life, and I was far from home, which contributed to my unhappiness even more. So, this girl and her religion were appealing to me, and I dove in. I remember one day, while sitting on the barracks steps with her, the sun shone down in crepuscular rays, and a shiver went down my spine. I was sure the Holy Spirit was telling me that I should marry her, and I did.

I was already somewhat skilled at critical thinking, and the religion didn't make sense to me, but I decided to suspend disbelief to give this God a chance to reveal itself to me and for the dogma to begin to make sense. I likened it to trying on a pair of shoes that didn't fit quite right, but if I walked around in them for awhile, the fit would improve. The two years in that Maryland congregation were euphoric, and that was enough to convince me that I had been filled with the Holy Spirit as promised. Then I was discharged and returned to California, where we had two daughters.

We went to about a half dozen congregations there, finding them all lifeless. Eventually, I realized that what I was interpreting as the Holy Spirit in Maryland was just a psychological state induced by a gifted and charismatic pastor, since that feeling didn't come with me to California. I realized that the religion was not delivering in its promises and was false, so I kicked off that pair of shoes and returned to atheism, where I found better fitting shoes in secular humanism.

But that's not an argument against gods existing, just that one. I'm an atheist because I learned the harm of believing and making decisions by faith. Eventually, without the religion holding us together, we divorced. She was still a believer, and we weren't well matched in any area. I didn't really know her when I had that barracks steps experience. She was bitter about my leaving her and the religion, and has never forgiven me over forty years later. She moved the kids away from me (I wasn't mobile, being back in university) and turned them against me. I still don't have a relationship with either of them.

This is the chief regret in my life. I made a bad decision based in faith and am still paying for it. So, I don't do that any more, and that is why I am an atheist. I don't say that gods don't exist, just that believing in one or more is irrational and, at this point, having learned to accept that the universe may be godless and that there may be no afterlife, and having developed a social structure outside of a religious congregation, adds nothing to my life.

Is this what you were looking for?

Not really looking, more curious. Thanks for your Interesting reply.

 

[NewGuyOnTheBlock]

The promises given were not kept; which should be impossible for a perfect god who is supposedly truth incarnate.

 

[1213]

Just a question...any basic understanding of human history and human nature would allow me to make broad predictions about the future. What makes the Biblical predictions more than that, in your opinion?

I don't know about what predictions you would do for next 2000 years and I can't check would they come true, but, one example of prediction in the Bible is how Jews will be scattered and later gathered back, as it is nowadays happening. Also, the whole existence of Jews is miraculous in my opinion and shows to me the that Bible is correct. I don't think they would have survived all what they have endured during last 2000 years, if God would not have taken care at the nation.

I will scatter you among the nations, and I will draw out the sword after you: and your land will be a desolation, and your cities shall be a waste.
Leviticus 26:33

Yet for all that, when they are in the land of their enemies, I will not reject them, neither will I abhor them, to destroy them utterly, and to break my covenant with them; for I am Yahweh their God; but I will for their sake remember the covenant of their ancestors, whom I brought forth out of the land of Egypt in the sight of the nations, that I might be their God. I am Yahweh.'"
Leviticus 26:44-45

It shall happen, when all these things are come on you, the blessing and the curse, which I have set before you, and you shall call them to mind among all the nations, where Yahweh your God has driven you, and shall return to Yahweh your God, and shall obey his voice according to all that I command you this day, you and your children, with all your heart, and with all your soul; that then Yahweh your God will turn your captivity, and have compassion on you, and will return and gather you from all the peoples, where Yahweh your God has scattered you. If any of your outcasts are in the uttermost parts of the heavens, from there will Yahweh your God gather you, and from there will he bring you back:
Deuteronomy 30:1-4

And I think that is one of the greatest reasons for me to trust to God, I can see that He is righteous, good and faithful.

 

[Sheldon]

I see no flaw. In most cases that I know of, there is a personal reason to believe/have faith or not believe/have faith.

Example
1. I needed a god and he helped me.
2. I needed a god and he let me down.

I don't believe in any deities because no one can demonstrate any objective for any deity. I am not motivated one way or the other, and my disbelief in deities has no more significance to me than my disbelief in anything else.