Trump: "I've told them I want more weeks."

[anna.]

You told us that "when he was born prematurely, at about 24-25 weeks, iirc." That does not suggest that you "actually know quite a lot."

You offered nothing else, suggesting that, either:

1. you did not "actually know quite a lot" about a host of relevant circumstances, or
2. you did think them important (which is a form of ignorance in and of itself), or
3. both.

So the anecdote was little more than window dressing. Tell us, does this fortunate young man and his family know that you're leveraging the circumstances of his birth and upbringing?



The fact is that I don't have an answer because I don't believe in "elective abortions in general."

Are you calling me a liar? Wow. I'll have to live with it because I'm not giving more details than that, they're not mine to give.

/conversation

 

[We Never Know]

This is obviously personal you, so I'll try to be polite.

First, I would suggest that both of you benefited by your decision to end the relationship.

I think so myself.

Then, you say you both "made it".

Made what? The baby? Yes it took both to make our baby. It was not her baby. It was our baby.

In your case it was a short time of (hopefully) enjoyment. For her, that too, then nine months of discomfort, risk to her health, interruption to her career (maybe), plus the risk of single parenthood if the relationship didn't work out, and so on.

Good thing most couples dont think that way.
Btw there is also a chance anyone can die at any given time. So why even marry or try to have children.

Let's try a different example. She wants you to work in a coal mine because it will pay better than your current comfortable office job. You can discuss it, but who do your think should make the final decision?

Irrelevant. A job is just a job. People change them as often as underwear sometimes.

 

[Jayhawker Soule]

Are you calling me a liar? Wow

No. I'm calling your post thoughtless while noting that "I know a guy ..." is a valuable argument for exceedingly little.

 

[Kathryn]

More than 1 million abortions were done last year in the US (about 73 million worldwide). Six out of ten unplanned pregnancies end in abortion. One in four pregnancies end in abortion. About 45 percent of abortions are considered unsafe abortions and many of those result in maternal deaths. Some 68,000 women die of unsafe abortion annually, making it one of the leading causes of maternal mortality (13%).

What the data says about abortion in the U.S.

The U.S. abortion rate has generally declined since the 1980s, but there have been slight upticks in the late 2010s and early 2020s.

www.pewresearch.org

 

[We Never Know]

This is obviously personal you, so I'll try to be polite.

First, I would suggest that both of you benefited by your decision to end the relationship.

Then, you say you both "made it". In your case it was a short time of (hopefully) enjoyment. For her, that too, then nine months of discomfort, risk to her health, interruption to her career (maybe), plus the risk of single parenthood if the relationship didn't work out, and so on. Let's try a different example. She wants you to work in a coal mine because it will pay better than your current comfortable office job. You can discuss it, but who do your think should make the final decision?

Oddly in 2012 when I had facebook she messaged me. Short version..
Asked how I was doing.
Said she had three kids, the first out of wedlock and raised by herself until 5 years old, married and had two more.
Yada yada yada...

I read it and typed 'Doing well. Married since 1986 and have two kids. Would have had three but you know..
I hit send then I hit block.

 

[Alien826]

Made what? The baby? Yes it took both to make our baby. It was not her baby. It was our baby.

Yes, that.

Good thing most couples dont think that way.
Btw there is also a chance anyone can die at any given time. So why even marry or try to have children.

Irrelevant. A job is just a job. People change them as often as underwear sometimes.

You're evading the point. Which is that a pregnancy is a much bigger deal to a woman than to a man. Surely you don't disagree with that? So it seems to me that she should have the final say on whether to have on an abortion or not. Now if you are just saying you didn't like her going behind your back, so to speak, that's one thing and could perhaps be forgiven. If you saw her as somehow tainted by the abortion, then no, go your own way. I repeat I have no idea how either one of you felt and have no business speculating. I'm just talking generally.

To get more detailed, the fact that we are always subject to risk in life does not mean we should abandon all attempts to minimize that risk, or in this case an avoidable risk (pregnancy) should be avoided if the party most at risk wants to avoid it.

The example of the job was just that, an example. The idea was that she would be encouraging you to take a lot of additional risk to achieve something that she wanted, just as you would be by encouraging her to continue a pregnancy she didn't want. It seemed to be a reasonable comparison.

Incidentally, I meant what I said about the separation being right for you both. You are obviously pro-life (nothing wrong with that) and she wasn't (that's OK too). That's probably not a good recipe for a long term relationship. I wouldn't suggest a vegan marry a meat eater either, unless they both can come to a tolerant accommodation.

 

[Pogo]

I thought you were male, are you speaking with a general I-me-myself?

Sorry, my funny grammar, yes I'm male and the other people were hypothetical.

 

[anna.]

Sorry, my funny grammar, yes I'm male and the other people were hypothetical.

No worries, that's what I thought but wanted to make sure.

 

[Guitar's Cry]

Couldn't tell ya. That's been over 40 years ago.

My thinking is this:

-One reason your partner may not have discussed it with you is because she knew you wouldn't approve.

-If your stance changed, it may be helpful to be introspective on how your own experience may be influencing your belief, and how your experience may not fit everyone else's experiences and needs.

I don't mean for this to sound personal and I certainly don't want to discount the emotions that come with being a father, but the fact is the impact of pregnancy and having a baby is far more impactful on the person carrying it.

They also have the emotional response of creating a life with someone and the potential for a lifetime familial relationship and the responsibilities that come with it, but they also have the added burden of the physical and emotional changes (some temporary and some permanent), social and vocational changes, and the potential for dying.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Would you force a child to give birth to the child of her father?

Ted Bundy.

 

[Guitar's Cry]

Some 68,000 women die of unsafe abortion annually, making it one of the leading causes of maternal mortality (13%).

Good reason to keep it legal when it is done by qualified professionals.

 

[Argentbear]

It is no different from others saying...
-the right
-those on the right
-the republicans

I see it here all the time. Along with someone being called a MAGA simply because they support the republicans even though they dont like Trump.

So because you saw someone somewhere make some questionable generalizations that makes it acceptable for you to make lie about the left?

 

[Argentbear]

I never had the opportunity to have a say or choice. That's the point!

But not the point he was making or I was questioning

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Being hurt that your partner aborted your child behind your back and believing that he had the right to a say in the matter is hardly making a claim over her body.

Men have no claim, right or say if a woman gets an abortion. It's not his body that has to do all the work that goes into making a baby and delivering it.

 

[Jayhawker Soule]

Men have no claim, right or say if a woman gets an abortion.

The father absolutely has a say. What he does not have is a veto.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

The father absolutely has a say. What he does not have is a veto.

He gets to have an opinion on the matter.

 

[Jayhawker Soule]

The father absolutely has a say. What he does not have is a veto.

He gets to have an opinion on the matter.

Hopefully it's one that is both informed and respected.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Hopefully it's one that is both informed and respected.

Ok. Dad wants the kid. Mom wants am abortion. Dad gets his way. Is he gonna feed the baby be changing diapers? Is he going to yield his career for the childcare? Is he going to be transporting kids to activaties after school? Chances are likely no, he won't and mom gets stuck with the burdens she didn't want.
If it's that big of a point of contention then the couple is probably best ending their relationship.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

And if his "say in the matter" was at odds with hers what then?

Then they need to compromise, work out a solution.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Men have no claim, right or say if a woman gets an abortion. It's not his body that has to do all the work that goes into making a baby and delivering it.

That's totally ridiculous and extreme. Just outlandish. Misandrist, too. Ironically, you're treating the man like he's nothing but a sperm donor and crapping on fatherhood. If he wants to be a dad and take care of the child, who cares because the woman is a goddess who alone decides life or death for the child. Her say is the law and he needs to shut it. But if he doesn't want the child, then she has the right to legally harass him and force him to support the child or he'll be locked up. That's just man-hating. Way to implicitly encourage the deadbeat attitude.

Of course the dad should have a say. It's his child, too. Good communication is a hallmark of any healthy relationship. And we're talking about a relationship here, not a one night stand or an absent father.