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Vanity?

Jimmy

King Phenomenon
When it comes to “feeling” like a woman or man how much should one’s looks play a part? I would hope none. I mean their just looks right?
 

ChristineM

"Be strong", I whispered to my coffee.
Premium Member
I too would hope none, unfortunately media pushes good looks and people feed off media.
 

JustGeorge

Imperfect
Staff member
Premium Member
When it comes to “feeling” like a woman or man how much should one’s looks play a part? I would hope none. I mean their just looks right?
I think that would be up to the individual. For some women, the daily beauty rituals are very much part of their femininity. For others, they couldn't care less about that, but still feel very much a woman. (Or, visa versa, though the 'masculine' beauty rituals are typically different than the feminine ones.)

I look like a woman. I am undeniably shaped like a woman, I wear women's clothing, and I wear make up. I don't feel much like one. I feel like a goofy old man. It used to be upsetting, but now I think its funny. Often, people who can see me are often confused when they make conversation with me and the personality and appearance don't match. Alternatively, people online have often said upon seeing me "that wasn't what I expected".
 

Jimmy

King Phenomenon
I think that would be up to the individual. For some women, the daily beauty rituals are very much part of their femininity. For others, they couldn't care less about that, but still feel very much a woman. (Or, visa versa, though the 'masculine' beauty rituals are typically different than the feminine ones.)

I look like a woman. I am undeniably shaped like a woman, I wear women's clothing, and I wear make up. I don't feel much like one. I feel like a goofy old man. It used to be upsetting, but now I think its funny. Often, people who can see me are often confused when they make conversation with me and the personality and appearance don't match. Alternatively, people online have often said upon seeing me "that wasn't what I expected".
Talkin bout looks not rituals
 

Koldo

Outstanding Member
When it comes to “feeling” like a woman or man how much should one’s looks play a part? I would hope none. I mean their just looks right?

The concept of feeling like a man (or woman) is quite alien to my way of thinking and feeling. There is absolutely no qualia attached to it as far as I am concerned. I consider myself a man strictly because of what I look like.
 

Jimmy

King Phenomenon
The concept of feeling like a man (or woman) is quite alien to my way of thinking and feeling. There is absolutely no qualia attached to it as far as I am concerned. I consider myself a man strictly because of what I look like.
Is feeling human alien to you as well?
 

SalixIncendium

अहं ब्रह्मास्मि
Staff member
Premium Member
When it comes to “feeling” like a woman or man how much should one’s looks play a part? I would hope none. I mean their just looks right?
I don't "feel" like a man or a woman. I call myself a man because when I look in the mirror, that's what reflected back at me. That's the mask I currently wear.

Beyond the biology, I don't identify with any gender, nor do I wish to limit myself by doing so.
 

Mock Turtle

Oh my, did I say that!
Premium Member
When it comes to “feeling” like a woman or man how much should one’s looks play a part? I would hope none. I mean their just looks right?
Although not conclusively proven apparently, there are indications as to such having some impact as to how one might be perceived, for example:


The findings suggest that the Beauty-is-Good stereotype particularly skews in favor of the attribution of moral traits. As such, physical attractiveness biases the perceptions of others even more fundamentally than previously understood.
 

JustGeorge

Imperfect
Staff member
Premium Member
Although not conclusively proven apparently, there are indications as to such having some impact as to how one might be perceived, for example:

I wonder if a bit of that is we tend to think people who have some factors we find attractive(like physical features) must have other traits we find attractive. I suspect its subconscious.

When I first got married(the marriage was sudden, with very little 'getting to know you' phase about one another's lives), my husband kept insisting that my son's father must be a nice guy because of the car he drove. We(my roommate and I) kept telling him he had abusive tendencies, and to watch out. Upon dropping my son off after taking him somewhere, he proceeded to chew me out for some perceived slight and made me cry(which is not an easy task). My husband remarked "that guy's a real *******!" Well, that's what we were trying to tell you, but you couldn't get over the car...

I suspect its like that with beauty, too. "She's beautiful, so she must be kind and thoughtful, too." "He's handsome, therefor he must be strong and respectful". Not things people think word per word, but people make all kinds of assumptions for the good and bad off of appearance.
 

Mock Turtle

Oh my, did I say that!
Premium Member
I wonder if a bit of that is we tend to think people who have some factors we find attractive(like physical features) must have other traits we find attractive. I suspect its subconscious.

When I first got married(the marriage was sudden, with very little 'getting to know you' phase about one another's lives), my husband kept insisting that my son's father must be a nice guy because of the car he drove. We(my roommate and I) kept telling him he had abusive tendencies, and to watch out. Upon dropping my son off after taking him somewhere, he proceeded to chew me out for some perceived slight and made me cry(which is not an easy task). My husband remarked "that guy's a real *******!" Well, that's what we were trying to tell you, but you couldn't get over the car...

I suspect its like that with beauty, too. "She's beautiful, so she must be kind and thoughtful, too." "He's handsome, therefor he must be strong and respectful". Not things people think word per word, but people make all kinds of assumptions for the good and bad off of appearance.
Perhaps it is because the attraction often blinds us to things we might not find attractive, but will perhaps ignore since the animal attraction - and that beauty seems to imply health too apparently (not necessarily true though) - might be the dominant factor.

Two books I found quite useful, even if they argue different viewpoints were - Survival of the Prettiest: The Science of Beauty (1999) by Nancy Etcoff - a psychologist argues that our concept of beauty is in our biology rather than being a construct, and The Beauty Myth (1990) by Naomi Wolf - a feminist proposes that societal pressures have much to do with our concept of beauty. I tend towards the former view but of course with no special knowledge as to such.
 
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