Alceste
Vagabond
OK, this is a bit of a venting thread, cuz I'm a little frustrated. But I'm also learning things. I know I haven't been here in a while - I've made some changes. I've gone back into film work, doing a job that very few women tackle. The same job I did 15 years ago until the union blacklisted me for "being a tease" (IOW, "for being the only woman in the province doing that particular job"). It's going better now, because it's 15 years down the road in a more liberal province and there are SIX women doing this job (out of several hundred workers), so I'm not the "first" anything to anybody. Still, on nearly every show I work someone makes a point to mention all the other females they've met doing that job, and every single thing they ever did or said. So I've realized that even though I'm not perceived as a total abomination of nature here, I'm still bound to be pretty ******* conspicuous due to having boobs and no penis.
Because of that, and other things that are too complicated and tedious to get into, I work ******* hard. Twice as hard as anybody else on my crew. Because somebody is bound to be watching me, all the time, taking notes. I'm never late, I almost never screw up (and when I do I acknowledge my mistakes), I never give anybody any attitude, I never complain, bla bla bla. The money is awesome, and I want the money. I don't really give a rat's *** about anything else, but I know that to get that money I've got to be exceptional.
Then there's guys. The guys doing that same job. Especially the young, white, totally green guys. These guys frickin stand around all day doing nothing. Absolutely nothing. Totally in la-la land. If something is a pain in the ***, they don't bother with it. They complain about having to get up early or not getting enough sleep. They talk about how they got into film because they want to direct. And, amazingly, they show up late, or without the proper gear or tools for the job, and don't even feel ashamed of themselves.
On the other hand, they're forever seeing me doing something and trying to shove me out of the way and do it themselves if they think the boss might be watching. They don't do that to the guys. They literally grab **** out of my hands and go running when a man asks for it, after standing around doing nothing for ages, totally ignoring the fact I've been working the whole time and not lifting a finger to help.
When I see somebody standing around doing nothing, I'll nicely offer him something to do, because I've always got a backlog of things to do. It's a win win situation, IMO. I do my best to help these guys look good, cuz everybody has a first day sometimes, right? When they listen to me, they end up looking pretty good.
But some of them simply will not listen to me, because I don't have a penis - so I couldn't possibly matter. Today, on my way to doing something, I saw one of these guys standing around doing nothing and told him the big pile of stuff at his feet needed to go to the truck. He didn't lift a finger.
Not 30 seconds later, a GUY asked him to do something - which happened to be the task I was ALREADY doing (his back was turned at the time - not his fault). What does this guy do? He stands beside me for about three or four minutes, just watching me do this task.
I very politely mention, in the exact same words, "if you're looking for something to do, all that stuff needs to go to the truck". Does he do it without complaining? No, he mutters "but so-and-so sent me over here to do this."
Yeah, AFTER I sent you to do something else, retard. Something you're still not doing, even though you can plainly see the subsequent assignment that came from a person with a penis was nothing more than an honest mistake.
I didn't say any of that, but it still ****** me off. All I said was "Well, I've got this, but thanks anyway."
He still didn't freaking do it, either. And he happens to come from the province where I was blacklisted for being a woman, which doesn't help my ****** off-ness at all.
OK, so what does male entitlement look like? That freaking idiot is probably going to get just as much work as I am, and possibly more, and he knows it. Almost all of the crews he works with will be all male, so he'll just do what he's told for the most part like a good little soldier, and his coworkers will feel more comfortable with him than me because he doesn't have boobs. He's obviously EXPECTING to get the work, even though he has no experience, no tools, no weather gear, no tickets, no work ethic, and very little common sense. He knows he has the one tool that really matters in this world - a penis. And he had the audacity to try to flex that useless muscle at me and try to take charge on his SECOND day of work.
On my first call-out, to get a sense of what I was in for, I asked one of the riggers I was working with "Do you have any women in this province doing this job?"
"Only a few," he said "but they are all exceptional". That's a sentiment that comes up regularly, sometimes in the form of "all the women work twice as hard as the men". It's usually said with a sense of awe or bewilderment, as if it's totally unfathomable to these guys why the women work so hard.
The fact is, we HAVE TO. We can't lollygag around gazing at the stars, powdering our noses for half an hour between tasks like the guys do, show up late with a bull crap excuse, take all the easy jobs and avoid the heavy lifting, spend half the day chatting with our buddies, etc. because if we do THAT, we're affirming the BS gendered expectations of whoever is watching, and there is ALWAYS somebody watching, because we're conspicuous.
If you've got this far, thanks for reading my epic venting session. I'd love to hear feedback, similar stories or commiseration, but please bear with me, because I'm working 60-70 hours a week - and rolling in my big piles of money in between, largely in the form of gin and tonic.
Because of that, and other things that are too complicated and tedious to get into, I work ******* hard. Twice as hard as anybody else on my crew. Because somebody is bound to be watching me, all the time, taking notes. I'm never late, I almost never screw up (and when I do I acknowledge my mistakes), I never give anybody any attitude, I never complain, bla bla bla. The money is awesome, and I want the money. I don't really give a rat's *** about anything else, but I know that to get that money I've got to be exceptional.
Then there's guys. The guys doing that same job. Especially the young, white, totally green guys. These guys frickin stand around all day doing nothing. Absolutely nothing. Totally in la-la land. If something is a pain in the ***, they don't bother with it. They complain about having to get up early or not getting enough sleep. They talk about how they got into film because they want to direct. And, amazingly, they show up late, or without the proper gear or tools for the job, and don't even feel ashamed of themselves.
On the other hand, they're forever seeing me doing something and trying to shove me out of the way and do it themselves if they think the boss might be watching. They don't do that to the guys. They literally grab **** out of my hands and go running when a man asks for it, after standing around doing nothing for ages, totally ignoring the fact I've been working the whole time and not lifting a finger to help.
When I see somebody standing around doing nothing, I'll nicely offer him something to do, because I've always got a backlog of things to do. It's a win win situation, IMO. I do my best to help these guys look good, cuz everybody has a first day sometimes, right? When they listen to me, they end up looking pretty good.
But some of them simply will not listen to me, because I don't have a penis - so I couldn't possibly matter. Today, on my way to doing something, I saw one of these guys standing around doing nothing and told him the big pile of stuff at his feet needed to go to the truck. He didn't lift a finger.
Not 30 seconds later, a GUY asked him to do something - which happened to be the task I was ALREADY doing (his back was turned at the time - not his fault). What does this guy do? He stands beside me for about three or four minutes, just watching me do this task.
I very politely mention, in the exact same words, "if you're looking for something to do, all that stuff needs to go to the truck". Does he do it without complaining? No, he mutters "but so-and-so sent me over here to do this."
Yeah, AFTER I sent you to do something else, retard. Something you're still not doing, even though you can plainly see the subsequent assignment that came from a person with a penis was nothing more than an honest mistake.
I didn't say any of that, but it still ****** me off. All I said was "Well, I've got this, but thanks anyway."
He still didn't freaking do it, either. And he happens to come from the province where I was blacklisted for being a woman, which doesn't help my ****** off-ness at all.
OK, so what does male entitlement look like? That freaking idiot is probably going to get just as much work as I am, and possibly more, and he knows it. Almost all of the crews he works with will be all male, so he'll just do what he's told for the most part like a good little soldier, and his coworkers will feel more comfortable with him than me because he doesn't have boobs. He's obviously EXPECTING to get the work, even though he has no experience, no tools, no weather gear, no tickets, no work ethic, and very little common sense. He knows he has the one tool that really matters in this world - a penis. And he had the audacity to try to flex that useless muscle at me and try to take charge on his SECOND day of work.
On my first call-out, to get a sense of what I was in for, I asked one of the riggers I was working with "Do you have any women in this province doing this job?"
"Only a few," he said "but they are all exceptional". That's a sentiment that comes up regularly, sometimes in the form of "all the women work twice as hard as the men". It's usually said with a sense of awe or bewilderment, as if it's totally unfathomable to these guys why the women work so hard.
The fact is, we HAVE TO. We can't lollygag around gazing at the stars, powdering our noses for half an hour between tasks like the guys do, show up late with a bull crap excuse, take all the easy jobs and avoid the heavy lifting, spend half the day chatting with our buddies, etc. because if we do THAT, we're affirming the BS gendered expectations of whoever is watching, and there is ALWAYS somebody watching, because we're conspicuous.
If you've got this far, thanks for reading my epic venting session. I'd love to hear feedback, similar stories or commiseration, but please bear with me, because I'm working 60-70 hours a week - and rolling in my big piles of money in between, largely in the form of gin and tonic.
Last edited:
....good to see you back for a visit. Rant or not, it's good to see you.
