What Number of Sex Partners is Optimal?

[Sunstone]

What is approximately the best number of sex partners for people to have had in their lives?

Is there some reason or reasons you picked that number? If so what are the reason(s)?

Is the optimal number different for men and women? If so, why?​

I have noticed that some people -- for instance, James Dobson -- have all but made careers out of advising people to have as few sex partners in their lives as possible. They argue such things as "the more partners you have, the less you will properly bond with someone -- and therefore the greater the chance you will divorce."

But what do you think might be the optimal number of sex partners for someone?


As for myself, I've been happily and voluntarily celibate for about two decades now: I don't think ones happiness in any way depends on how many partners one has had. But before I decided to become celibate, I was perhaps a bit more active than most of the people I've known, and I suspect that in many cases -- maybe even in most cases -- if you've had 12 or so partners, and you've been reasonably active with most of them -- then you probably have about as much experience and knowledge of sex as you would have with three or four times that number of partners. So if I were forced to come up with an ideal number of partners for anyone to have had during their lives, I would most likely lean towards a dozen. HOWEVER.....

HOWEVER, unlike James Dobson and some other folks, I don't think there is any rational reason to universally prefer one number over another. For instance, a single great partner is better than a dozen mediocre partners in my opinion. And a number that works for me might not work for you. So I personally believe it's kind of hokey to think that a single number -- whether that number be none, one, or one hundred -- is optimal for everyone. Besides, quality trumps quantity in sex. So long as my partners are into high quality Balinese donkey porn, I'm happy.

 

[Quetzal]

What is approximately the best number of sex partners for people to have had in their lives?

Hmm, interesting question. I think it depends on the individual. If the individual naturally has more kinks or favoring trying new things, they might need more than someone who seeks nothing outside of vanilla. But, gun to my head, I would still have a hard time putting up a solid number.

 

[lostwanderingsoul]

If you have the right one then one is enough.

 

[Skwim]

What is approximately the best number of sex partners for people to have had in their lives?

It all depends on one's needs. Some people are satisfied with one partner, whereas others require quite a few. There is no magic number; however, I feel that before committing to a monogamous marriage a person should expose themselves to a variety of partners and sexual practices, so as to insure one knows, as much as possible, what is necessary to satisfy their sexual needs.

.

 

[Frater Sisyphus]

Depends on the individual for sure.

Some people have a hard time staying with one person for different reasons, other people have a hard time (or even sickly feelings) with the idea of going through lots of partners.

I, myself am in the middle. I've had a few partners and do like to "explore" but true happiness (as far as solidified partners go) for me could only be received by settling with that special* woman that melds the strongest and most naturally to both me and the woman - which isn't simple to find but isn't impossible.


*not necessarily in a 'greater plan' sense, but via the sum of the total (including sex)

 

[Phantasman]

I never had more than one at a time myself. But I have had many "one at a times" (one nighters).

It came with being a bartender at a bar that closed at 4 in the morning in Ft. Lauderdale. Spring break was always great and we didn't have AIDs yet. ( early 70s).

It's good to sow your oats first, giving you wisdom when you find the right one, IMO.

 

[Hockeycowboy]

It all depends on one's needs. Some people are satisfied with one partner, whereas others require quite a few.

'Require'? As in need? No, I think it is 'want'.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

I hypothesise that the magical number is 1375, but have a current count of one, so can't confirm this.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

More than I've had.

 

[Axe Elf]

You'd have to ask Wilt Chamberlain.

 

[Skwim]

'Require'? As in need? No, I think it is 'want'.

Require to be satisfied.

.

 

[Hockeycowboy]

Require to be satisfied.

.

Then you teach your partner, i.e., spouse, what you enjoy sexually, and you grow together....you don't just 'get' another partner. In fact, what makes me enjoy it more, is not what my wife does to me, but rather when I can give her pleasure....that is what gives me the satisfaction.

Anybody else added, is just selfishness. Not to mention a lack of self-control: a quality that is sadly lacking in much of today's society.

 

[Skwim]

Then you teach your partner, i.e., spouse, what you enjoy sexually, and you grow together....you don't just 'get' another partner.

Teach your partner, as in

"Sweetheart, I've got a surprise for you. I'm really into water sports. Yup. That's right, and all you have to do is sit there and open wide. You'll love . . . . . . No! Really you will . . . . . . . . Please don't say "no" until you've tried it. . . . . . Hey, I'm only suggesting this for the happiness of us both. . . . . . . . . . . . and everybody does it . . . . . . . . . Well, if you can't do that how about reconsidering the anal thing while bound to the bed posts and smeared with raspberry jam? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sweetheart?
​

Point being, not everyone wants to be taught.

.

 

[William Milverton]

.
.
‘Dr James Dobson has all but made a career out of advising people to have as few sex partners in their lives as possible, saying "the more partners you have, the less you will properly bond with someone -- and therefore the greater the chance you will divorce."’


Family Talk is a Christian non-profit organization located in Colorado Springs, Colorado.
Founded in 2010 by Dr. James Dobson.
The ministry promotes and teaches biblical principles that support marriage, family, and child-development.
Dr. James Dobson's Family Talk


The incarnated god, Jesus, established the Christian religion by issuing 40 commandments at the beginning of his ministry at ‘The Sermon On The Mount’
He said them straight away because he didn’t know if his human body would survive to complete his ministry.
Jesus’ 40 commandments are essential, and those who do not make a daily effort to incorporate them into their lives are not Jesus Christians.


Jesus commanded those who follow him not to engage in sex in any form outside of marriage
No masturbation. No lustful thoughts. Nothing.
He stated that it was his will that marriage be for life, though he would put up with divorce on the sole ground of adultery


The Apostle Paul built his life upon and around Jesus’ 40 commandments
Jesus had specifically commanded his followers not to judge others at any time ever
Paul amended this to allow church leaders to judge church members
Had he not done so he would not have been able to construct the Christian church
So it is clear that Jesus’ commandments can be adapted to a critical need


Every member of the Apostle Paul’s church built their lives upon and around Jesus’ 40 commandments, to the extent of selling all they owned, giving the money to the church, living in commune and handing their wages to the church
So when Paul wrote to a Church he was writing to those who gave everything they had to God as routine


Paul instructed his church that married people were no longer two people. They became one person
The wife was to have free use of her husbands body and could have sex whenever she wanted it
The husband was to have free use of his wife’s body and could have sex whenever he wanted it
He did not go into ‘time of the month’, illness or disability. He established these principles and left all else to common sense


At the time of Paul’s ministry, between 36AD and 68AD there were no newspapers, magazines, novels, films, cinemas, videos, TVs, media advertising or internet.
Ordinary working people were not consciously and unconsciously inflaming themselves into flirting athletes and sexual gymnasts. Today they are. The cat's out of the bag, and in Western countries it is not going back in, this side of shar ia.
But sadly it seems that no one in the church has enough spiritual standing with Jesus to adapt his commandment on marriage as Paul adapted his commandment on judging


There is ‘Engagement’ and there is Marriage
There is the Church Marriage and there is the civil legal Marriage Licence
Christian couples should be able to have a small Church Marriage upon engagement
with a 6-month review. If they are not then compatible they should be allowed a Church divorce on the grounds of Adultery Of The Mind


Those who have decided they are compatible at the 6-month review can then have a large, formal Life Marriage and apply for a civil legal Marriage Licence
.
.

 

[oldbadger]

We had a really Victorian Headmaster who believed in control by cane, and puritanism layered with tiers of bigotry. A really lovely intro to the World.

But.......... on our last day at that bloody place, after he had clawed a life-membership fee for the old-boys club off us, he gave us his last lecture..............

He told us that if we rushed about in loose living and 'womanising' that when we finally met true love and devotion, it would all mean less to us, a kind of devaluation of something that could have been 'sacred'.

I got into 'womanising' and loose living just as fast as I ever could, and the more I got, so the more messed up I was. And because it was all about 'me, my, more, want, take', it became a downward spiral, a desert of unfulfilled upset.

..................... That Headmaster was a miserable old bar-stool, but he just might have had some good ideas about lovemaking.

 

[Onyx]

King Solomon "...had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines". I'll go with that.

 

[Epic Beard Man]

I somewhat agree with Skwim, it depends on the needs of the person, but in today's age, the more partners you have the higher the risk for sexually transmitted infections because we may account for the safety precautions we take, but we cannot account for others.

 

[Hockeycowboy]

We had a really Victorian Headmaster who believed in control by cane, and puritanism layered with tiers of bigotry. A really lovely intro to the World.

But.......... on our last day at that bloody place, after he had clawed a life-membership fee for the old-boys club off us, he gave us his last lecture..............

He told us that if we rushed about in loose living and 'womanising' that when we finally met true love and devotion, it would all mean less to us, a kind of devaluation of something that could have been 'sacred'.

I got into 'womanising' and loose living just as fast as I ever could, and the more I got, so the more messed up I was. And because it was all about 'me, my, more, want, take', it became a downward spiral, a desert of unfulfilled upset.

..................... That Headmaster was a miserable old bar-stool, but he just might have had some good ideas about lovemaking.

Sometimes we have to learn the hard way, huh? And then some never learn....they only go for the temporary pleasures, not the long-term ones.

Glad you learned! You're a wise Oldbadger! Lol.

Best wishes to you and yours.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

But what do you think might be the optimal number of sex partners for someone?

I'm not sure, but I know it's a whole number. No fractions, please.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Then you teach your partner, i.e., spouse, what you enjoy sexually, and you grow together....you don't just 'get' another partner. In fact, what makes me enjoy it more, is not what my wife does to me, but rather when I can give her pleasure....that is what gives me the satisfaction.

Anybody else added, is just selfishness. Not to mention a lack of self-control: a quality that is sadly lacking in much of today's society.

So good of you to know exactly what other people should be doing with themselves and within their sexual and romantic relationships and insisting your beliefs on the subject are exactly what they need to get over those things they do differently from you.