I think the word God serves different purposes for different people but for me God is the origin from where we/I started the journey of life in the beginning.
Ah, so God is sex.
Or the first amoeba ?
Or the singularity which expanded 13 billion years ago ?
The being behind the thought "I am" may have nothing whatsoever to do with 'life'. In fact, if you believe that 'God' was there when the Big Bang happened, then God and life are two different things.'Life' is replicating biology - which you see as some kind of curse because happiness is not eternal, right ?
At some point Chinu, you will realise that however clever your theology may be, it is really just sentiment and imagination doing a fine impersonation of certainty. Anyone can dissolve in the bliss of dissociated awareness you know. That has nothing to do with any philosophy,science or religion. It is not knowledge.
Many make the mistake of thinking that their experience of bliss means that they are some kind of spiritual expert. But actually, it means nothing at all.