Who do you love more?

[Gharib]

We've all have/had parents and most of us even have a spouse and kids.

Which of the immediate family members are we supposed to love more and for what reason? To whom do we give more priority?

Is it our parents who we should love more due to the fact that if it wasn't through them God would not have caused us to come to life?

Or do we love our spouse because if it wasn't through them you would not have had the kids you do?

Or do we love the kids because they are everything and have the whole world ahead of them and so we should put every effort in trying to leave them better off?

Give your reasoning.

Note, you could say that you love your parents more, however, at the same time you are still making an effort on the future of your kids etc. It doesn't mean that you should choose one and forget the rest, they are family after all.

 

[dawny0826]

I love my parents, siblings, children and significant other fiercely but in different ways.
There's a loyalty to each that is unique, as well.

 

[bobhikes]

Myself, I can only give the love that I have. The move love I have of myself the more love I can give to others.

 

[Iti oj]

why isn't iti oj an option clearly i am their first choice. why else are they posting here instead if with said family members. xp

ohh hmmmmm i guess my lil sisters

 

[Kathryn]

I can't answer the poll the way it's presented.

I love my spouse entirely, passionately, and utterly faithfully. He is the other side of me, my male mirror image, and without him I would feel split in half.

That being said, my children are of me, they grew inside me, they are also half me and yet wholly themselves - fascinating enigmas that I know every inch of, but with vast lands inside their hearts that I have never wandered, or been allowed to wander.

I could not choose, just as I could not choose which child, or which grandchild, or which parent I love more. It's simply an impossibility.

If loyalty is the question, that would depend completely on the situation. In some scenarios, I would be more loyal to my children. In others, more loyal to my husband. It would depend on which needed my strength more, and which was the most vulnerable. Of course, this is easier for me to determine now that all my kids are all young, self sufficient adults who don't need so much mama protection!

If it comes down to protecting children FROM a spouse, I believe that the children should be protected first and foremost. This false dilemma is one presented by many abusive spouses, and one of the most diabolical.

 

[Reptillian]

Love shouldn't be prioritized. It's not like each person only has a specific quantity of love that has to be rationed out. When a new person comes into your life, you don't have to take away love from someone else, the love just grows.

 

[The Sum of Awe]

Good question, but as of now I don't have a spouse or kids. I have had girlfriends in the past, but I really don't believe teenage love is true love so I wouldn't count that as spouses.

But I certainly feel I'd love my parents over others (if my future kids/ future spouse read this I'm sorry, and I might even change my mind!)


My basis of love is mostly, if I feel bad for them. I really feel bad if someone dies and they hadn't had a fun, social life, and if they were bored or sleeping all of the time, had no friends. That's when I love them.

I guess I've never had any other reason for love. My parents work hard and hardly ever see each other, and their kids (including I) hardly get to talk to them. I feel bad for them. Thus I love them.

 

[Quintessence]

Pretty easy question for me to answer.

Given I will never have any children as I find the act of doing so quite immoral in this overpopulated era of human history, they are eliminated right off the bat.

Given I currently do not have a spouse and am unlikely to obtain one it seems, that one is also eliminated right off the bat. Even if I did (hypothetically) have a spouse, they still would pale in comparison to the ancestors. A spouse is like icing. Your ancestors are the cake, the plate the cake is on, the table the plate sits on, the floor the table is supported by, and the very rock that is the foundation of everything. Kids, then, are the frivolous little decorations on top of the icing. Completely extraneous and unnecessary, though they do look rather pretty sitting up there.

Of course, all this is ignoring the progressive transformation of cake decorations to icing, to the cake, to the plate, the table, etc. All parts of the cycle are important. But no foundation breaks the cycle entirely. 'Tis like removing the cornerstone of a building.

 

[TheArcticSage]

I don't have a spouse, I don't like children, and I barely like my parents... *sigh* I guess I'll have to choose that one then.

 

[Kathryn]

Good question, but as of now I don't have a spouse or kids. I have had girlfriends in the past, but I really don't believe teenage love is true love so I wouldn't count that as spouses.

But I certainly feel I'd love my parents over others (if my future kids/ future spouse read this I'm sorry, and I might even change my mind!)


My basis of love is mostly, if I feel bad for them. I really feel bad if someone dies and they hadn't had a fun, social life, and if they were bored or sleeping all of the time, had no friends. That's when I love them.

I guess I've never had any other reason for love. My parents work hard and hardly ever see each other, and their kids (including I) hardly get to talk to them. I feel bad for them. Thus I love them.

Wow, are you really saying that a basic component of love for you is pity - that you have to feel PITY for someone to love them?

I can't wait for some strong, independent, beautiful alpha girl to sink her teeth into you! I hope you share your stories with us then!

 

[A Troubled Man]

The religious often bandy about the term "love" without having much understanding of what love is all about. Their religions will tell them to love everyone, yet that isn't the right thing to do, because love is not something you just give freely to everyone as it tends to lose all meaning.

Love is something you give unconditionally to those whom you actually feel the emotions relevant to love.

What the religious should try to understand it isn't love they should be giving to everyone, it's respect.

 

[Badran]

I don't have kids or a spouse, so its difficult to answer the question. I'm probably going to give too much detail here in my attempted answer, details that you weren't necessarily looking for, but i'm bored and have time, so, sue me.

I'll attempt to analyze it with a bit of a simplistic approach (with the risk of making it sound too practical).The things based upon which i seem to be led to love people are (in no particular order):

1) Having attributes that i like (the more there are, the more i'm emotionally driven to them). Those attributes are of course an extremely wide variety of different things under different categories.

2) How i feel around them and how they feel around me.

3) How they view me.

4) How they treat me.

5) How much they make me a better person.

My parents don't shine on point 1 (which is disasterous), but, they shine on most of the other points. However, given that my future spouse - if and when i ever have one - would most likely (if not definitely) shine on the first one, they're in danger.

As if she also happens to do well in the rest (which is even more likely than shining on the first, because points 2, 3 and 4 are ones i would never comprimise in), its quite likely that she'd stir up more in me towards her than anybody else (she also has one advantage that nobody else has; being the one with whom i express and fulfil myself sexually).

My parents though also have one advantage, that they've done for me so much its almost impossible that anybody could match them. And if someone does, it is considerably more likely than not that it would require one thing; a whole lot of time.

So in the end, my answer is: I'm not sure, or, more accurately, it depends. I think i'm capable of loving both on similar, or close level (despite the love being in different ways in some regards, or based on different reasons). If somthing happens to either one of my parents now, i can't describe what would happen to me. If something happens to a spouse who meets most or all of the points i mentioned above, i also can't describe what would happen to me. So again, its pretty hard to say or give a general response suggesting that one inherently deserves more love, or something along those lines, since it depends in my case.

Kids on the other hand, i didn't and won't address, because i don't feel that i can give them enough credit without ever having one and knowing how it feels. I think its possible that they'd change things a bit, as in change what affects me to be moved or driven towards someone. So its easier to just leave them out for now.

 

[Penumbra]

We've all have/had parents and most of us even have a spouse and kids.

Which of the immediate family members are we supposed to love more and for what reason? To whom do we give more priority?

Is it our parents who we should love more due to the fact that if it wasn't through them God would not have caused us to come to life?

Or do we love our spouse because if it wasn't through them you would not have had the kids you do?

Or do we love the kids because they are everything and have the whole world ahead of them and so we should put every effort in trying to leave them better off?

Give your reasoning.

Note, you could say that you love your parents more, however, at the same time you are still making an effort on the future of your kids etc. It doesn't mean that you should choose one and forget the rest, they are family after all.

I've got a partner, parents, and no kids.

I don't really view love this way. I don't see a love is a "should". It's a feeling. If the question were, what priority should they have in your life, that's a bit more answerable, I think.

That being said, I love my partner the most. If I had kids, they'd probably come first, with parents third.

-People don't pick their parents. Some people have great parents, others have lousy parents, and everything in between. I think people should have quite a bit of duty towards their parents, since if they did their job at all, they invested time, energy, money, and hopefully love into their children. So it's important to look out for them and pay it back wherever possible.

-People do pick their spouse (unless it's arranged or something...). They are drawn to the person specifically for their qualities. With parents, one is associated with them via blood, regardless of whether they'd ever choose to be associated with them if that weren't the case. But with a spouse, they are chosen for their qualities as a life partner.

-When people have kids, they are taking on a big responsibility. They're bringing a conscious being into a world, so they have to make sure the environment they bring them into supports their needs. To me, in a spouse, self-sufficiency is a virtue; they're emotionally stable and skilled at meeting their needs. A spouse is hopefully a capable adult, unless disease or injury occurs to undermine that. So kids can usually be given priority if need be, because the spouse is understood then to be ok on his own.

Different types of love are required for different scenarios.

 

[Gharib]

Thanks for the replies, as pointed out, not a very good question.

Maybe I was wrong in saying love, how about respect and/or priority?

Can the staff please change the Title and Poll question to Who do you respect and give more priority to? Does that sound OK and reasonable?

Love is shared among all people, as someone said, I don't take my love back from someone and give it to someone else, it's just something that expands. And in reality, your love for your parents is different to that of the spouse and kids. Although you love them all, it's different kinds of love.

Here's an example of what I mean by respect and priority.

You get married have kids and want what's best for them. So would you leave your parents (especially if old or getting there) all by themselves and leave to some place else where you could get a better job and more money in order to leave your kids better off?

How do you prioritize in this case as to who is more important and what direction do you take?

And if anyone is wondering, this is just a question, has nothing to do with me personally. I just thought I'd ask. Islam teaches about this and I just wanted to see what others think and what is the reasoning behind it.

 

[dawny0826]

I have a deep respect for my parents, but in partnership, value the guidance of my significant other, as he is my partner. My children rely on me for guidance and support. My significant other and I are making decisions together, supporting each other and thus supporting the kids. The kids are priority, but we have to be in a good state of mind, and a good state from a practical perspective to support the kids. Caring for my parents will be a shared responsibility between my sisters and I.

 

[Me Myself]

I love my parents, siblings, children and significant other fiercely but in different ways.
There's a loyalty to each that is unique, as well.

Best way it could be said IMHO

 

[Scuba Pete]

Too often love is confused with mere emotions like affection or even lust. You can say you love your kids but you prove it when you change their dirty diapers. You can say you love your parents but you also prove it when you change their dirty diapers. Love is a decision to act selflessly for the good of the other. The person with the biggest need is the one you often love the most.

FWIW, kids often spell love T-I-M-E.

 

[A Troubled Man]

Thanks for the replies, as pointed out, not a very good question.

Maybe I was wrong in saying love, how about respect and/or priority?

Unfortunately, religions do not teach respect for others, but instead teach selfishness and intolerance.

 

[Scuba Pete]

Unfortunately, religions do not teach respect for others, but instead teach selfishness and intolerance.

Whoa, wouldn't that make atheism a religion??? I'm just pointing out the obvious here!

 

[A Troubled Man]

Whoa, wouldn't that make atheism a religion??? I'm just pointing out the obvious here!

I have no idea what you're pointing out and it certainly isn't obvious.