Why are you running away?

[Spiderman]

I used to play this song for a young lady (in her powerful presence) who currently has a restraining order:

The song actually fits and describes our relationship very much.

The partial Japanese singer has obvious talent, but the name he chose for his band is worse than the name that the "butthole surfers" chose imho!

Is Hoobastank a good name for a band?

 

[Spiderman]

The restraining order was because I made phone calls and sent emails after asked not to.

I did not say mean or threatening things in those calls, emails, or letters.

But in person I eventually told her she was the motive behind me throwing myself off a three story building, and ten weeks in a wheelchair, and she wanted nothing to do with me after that!

I don't get it!

Shouldn't a woman be flattered when a guy throws himself off a building over them. I mean, most girls/women don't have a guy literally fall for them! I fell for her and jumped for her love!

 

[Spiderman]

 

[Spiderman]

That poll is NoT supposed to say "investigator" in it!

Not sure how investigator got there

 

[VoidCat]

Shouldn't a woman be flattered when a guy throws himself off a building over them

Errr no. Im not a woman but as someone who is perceived as one sometimes...I'd be scared youd end up stalking me. A lot of stuff you say about that girl and such and how you'd act and what you'd say to her...i can see why she'd get a restraining order. But you already know this I've told you this before

 

[ChristineM]

Is Hoobastank a good name for a band?

I've heard better

Shouldn't a woman be flattered when a guy throws himself off a building over them

No, obsession is not flattering, its frightening

 

[JustGeorge]

I put its a good name, but I like Hoobastank, and I like that song.

No, obsession is not flattering, its frightening

It can be embarrassing, too. I once had a guy get on his knees and try to publicly worship me, in front of all our mutual friends... that was really embarrassing. And I don't embarrass easy.

 

[Spiderman]

I've heard better


No, obsession is not flattering, its frightening

I agree! I'm trying to never let that happen again! It's a terrible thing! But it wasn't exactly something I consciously wanted or chose! There were a lot of factors that were not leaving me in control of my faculties.

But even in my worst intoxicated state of mind, I never did anything that I thought would cause harm at the time. The letters and phone calls and emails were actually an attempt to say "sorry, you are a great person, you are not the reason I jumped off the building, I am the reason, drugs were the reason, you are a great person, you did nothing wrong".

So, my intentions were not evil at all! If she had a different name, a lot of the bad stuff wouldn't happened. The fact that I named the Moon Leah , because of the Moon representing Leah in the Old Testament, and Fatima was the Arab Moon Goddess, and I met this women May 2017, first apparition of our Lady of Fatima was May 1917, and 1917 was my four digit pin before I met her in 2017, in honor of the 1917 miracle, and the fact that the only reason I met this girl was because my Dad met some nuns in Fatima, made me think this girl/woman had something of Divine Providence about her.

It was NOT a sexual objectification. In fact! I don't recall even one time that she even sexually aroused me, though there was some kissing on one occasion when she brought me to the ER following a drug overdose.

I saw her more as a son loves his Mother, or a Father loves his daughter, either or at different times, and I saw her as a higher power almost with adoration status like she was my Moon Goddess or something!

Also, my favorite female in Scripture has her name, because Leah was rejected, mistreated, abused, unwanted, extremely valuable and important (yet unappreciated), unloved, despised, so spiritual writers say that Leah represents the cross (Suffering)! So, Leah is represented by the Moon in Scripture, and Spiritual writers say she represents the cross, and the cross and Moon are the symbols of Christianity and Islam, the two most powerful and influential Religions on the planet, causing me to further Deify the poor girl.

But I didn't see her as an object for my pleasure or someone to be used or taken for granted! I had extremely high respect for her and saw her as a very sacred person. I never ever wanted bad things to happen to her or want her to suffer. I admired the coincidences in my life that seemed to be linked to her. She was born anniversary of John F Kennedy's assassination, causing me to tape a picture of him and Jackie Kennedy to my wall on Christmas. The following New Years day, a brand new cell phone wound up in my locked security hallway that I don't share with anyone. It's crazy because the phone said Jackie, last name beginning in K, on the box it was in. The phone works just fine, I just needed to register as Jackie.

Her Chinese zodiac is my favorite , the dragon. Her other Zodiac is also my favorite "Scorpio", which supposedly has the most powerful women! Dragon and Scorpio are two symbols for my favorite tribe of Israel, the tribe of Dan. Also, the spider is an animal assigned to Scorpio, I love spiders, spiders represent Divine femininity, and people nicknamed me "Spiderman".

So, it's a very complicated matter. But I never sexually objectified her is what I'm saying.

 

[ChristineM]

I agree! I'm trying to never let that happen again! It's a terrible thing! But it wasn't exactly something I consciously wanted or chose! There were a lot of factors that were not leaving me in control of my faculties.

But even in my worst intoxicated state of mind, I never did anything that I thought would cause harm at the time. The letters and phone calls and emails were actually an attempt to say "sorry, you are a great person, you are not the reason I jumped off the building, I am the reason, drugs were the reason, you are a great person, you did nothing wrong".

So, my intentions were not evil at all! If she had a different name, a lot of the bad stuff wouldn't happened. The fact that I named the Moon Leah , because of the Moon representing Leah in the Old Testament, and Fatima was the Arab Moon Goddess, and I met this women May 2017, first apparition of our Lady of Fatima was May 1917, and 1917 was my four digit pin before I met her in 2017, in honor of the 1917 miracle, and the fact that the only reason I met this girl was because my Dad met some nuns in Fatima, made me think this girl/woman had something of Divine Providence about her.

It was NOT a sexual objectification. In fact! I don't recall even one time that she even sexually aroused me, though there was some kissing on one occasion when she brought me to the ER following a drug overdose.

I saw her more as a son loves his Mother, or a Father loves his daughter, either or at different times, and I saw her as a higher power almost with adoration status like she was my Moon Goddess or something!

Also, my favorite female in Scripture has her name, because Leah was rejected, mistreated, abused, unwanted, extremely valuable and important (yet unappreciated), unloved, despised, so spiritual writers say that Leah represents the cross (Suffering)! So, Leah is represented by the Moon in Scripture, and Spiritual writers say she represents the cross, and the cross and Moon are the symbols of Christianity and Islam, the two most powerful and influential Religions on the planet, causing me to further Deify the poor girl.

But I didn't see her as an object for my pleasure or someone to be used or taken for granted! I had extremely high respect for her and saw her as a very sacred person. I never ever wanted bad things to happen to her or want her to suffer. I admired the coincidences in my life that seemed to be linked to her. She was born anniversary of John F Kennedy's assassination, causing me to tape a picture of him and Jackie Kennedy to my wall on Christmas. The following New Years day, a brand new cell phone wound up in my locked security hallway that I don't share with anyone. It's crazy because the phone said Jackie, last name beginning in K, on the box it was in. The phone works just fine, I just needed to register as Jackie.

Her Chinese zodiac is my favorite , the dragon. Her other Zodiac is also my favorite "Scorpio", which supposedly has the most powerful women! Dragon and Scorpio are two symbols for my favorite tribe of Israel, the tribe of Dan. Also, the spider is an animal assigned to Scorpio, I love spiders, spiders represent Divine femininity, and people nicknamed me "Spiderman".

So, it's a very complicated matter. But I never sexually objectified her is what I'm saying.

I understand that but she perhaps doesn't.

 

[ChristineM]

I'm trying to never let that happen again! It's a terrible thing

I have lived in fear of a man, the fear is always there, "what will i do if he's in that shop i need to go to" - "there's a car like he drives, please don't let it be him". The fear never goes away.

But if there is contact, an email, or hell, actual face to face the fear shoots thousands of times worse.

It is a truly horrible existence so please, never let it happen again

 

[Spiderman]

I understand that but she perhaps doesn't.

She says she worries I will sexual assault her, which is heartbreaking when i read her say that to police, because I would not sexual assault her , even if she was my worst enemy.

I don't assault women even if they strike me, and she knows that , because she was the one talking to me when a girl attacked a guy in a wheelchair, I got between them, and she attacked me, I did not strike back.

I have walked with Lia in the dark at night in a bad neighborhood and been around her , just the two of us, many times. She should know that if I wanted to hurt her, I would have done so.

But she works with mentally ill men and drug addicts all the time, has a degree in abnormal psychology, is pretty, and probably has guys come onto her a lot, it is a sick world, and maybe she was abused.

I don't know. But I love her with unconditional, altruistic love. I hope she no longer suffers and is happy.

 

[Spiderman]

I have lived in fear of a man, the fear is always there, "what will i do if he's in that shop i need to go to" - "there's a car like he drives, please don't let it be him". The fear never goes away.

But if there is contact, an email, or hell, actual face to face the fear shoots thousands of times worse.

It is a truly horrible existence so please, never let it happen again

IF you don't mind me asking, has this man actually intentionally tried to harm you?

I never EVER intentionally tried to hurt Lia. I have always wanted her happy and loved her with unconditional altruistic love, like she is a family member, my only family member or something.

 

[ChristineM]

IF you don't mind me asking, has this man actually intentionally tried to harm you?

I never EVER intentionally tried to hurt Lia. I have always wanted her happy and loved her with unconditional altruistic love, like she is a family member, my only family member or something.

Yes. But that is not the point, the point is fear. It may be irrational but its still a powerful emotion.

 

[Spiderman]

Yes. But that is not the point, the point is fear. It may be irrational but its still a powerful emotion.

Spiders were my greatest fear as a child. I dreamed spiders growled, squeaked, bit, and i pulled their LegS off , and their fangs remained in my flesh, in nightmares!

Iff all I did was avoid and run from spiders, I would still be terrified! I faced my fear, held spiders, now I love them, and could not fear them again, even if I tried.

Lia living in fear of a threat that doesn't exist is far from healthy!

 

[ChristineM]

Spiders were my greatest fear as a child. I dreamed spiders growled, squeaked, bit, and i pulled their LegS off , and their fangs remained in my flesh, in nightmares!

Iff all I did was avoid and run from spiders, I would still be terrified! I faced my fear, held spiders, now I love them, and could not fear them again, even if I tried.

Lia living in fear of a threat that doesn't exist is far from healthy!

I never said it was healthy, but it exists. Truly the bestbthing that you can do for her is forget (as best you can) her and move on with your life

 

[VoidCat]

I never said it was healthy, but it exists. Truly the bestbthing that you can do for her is forget (as best you can) her and move on with your life

@Spiderman this I second. As for fearing you when you mean no harm let me remind you as you said this world is dangerous. Women often do fear men. And even if you mean her no harm she doesnt know that she knows what harm men have done to women and like I said the level of obsession you have with her can really scare women even if the guy means no harm cuz of men that can harm. If i were you I'd know if I really care about her I'll let her be. I'd never contact her again. The fear of you will fade if she knows she is safe from you and she will not know she's safe from you if you keep contacting her. I personally wouldn't listen to you at all if I were her cuz of how potientally unsafe that would be. I know you mean no harm but in her mind you possibly do and that would mean you are unsafe to her. I'm not saying you actually are going to harm her or put her in danger but to her you are in her mind.

 

[Spiderman]

I never said it was healthy, but it exists. Truly the bestbthing that you can do for her is forget (as best you can) her and move on with your life

If I could flip a switch and forget about her I would.

But the fact that I have never loved another creature a fraction of as much as I love her, is still a fact, that I am not able to actually change.

There is no one other than her, that I would make the greatest sacrifice for, take a bullet for, or be more willing to break every bone in my body for, or become permanently paralyzed for,( if it came down to making such a sacrifice for her good, her well being, enlightenment, her happiness, her potential being fully reached, her safety, her eternal salvation if such a thing exists, and I had to make such a sacrifice for that to be possible etc.)

My pOInt is, there isn't a creature, in the 34 years I have lived, that I have loved a fraction of as much as I love Lia! She's a once in a lifetime person to meet, and I meet many women!

Even if we stayed in the friendship zone and she is married to another man, friendship with her would mean more to me than whether or not my entire family is alive or dead. Losing Lia was more painful than were I to hear my whole family got violently murdered.

IT seems Lia and I met for a reason, and out of love for her, and respect, I won't contact her again, unless she initiates and makes clear she wants it.

But Lia brought more of what seemed like graces and paranormal experiences and signs, than all other creatures I met combined. I love her more than all people combined, and the attention I gave her, the fervent intensity of it, scared the **** out of her, but it is clear she thinks I lust after her, which isn't even true. I try not to jerk off, and when I do, i fantasize about girls in their twenties (younger than her and of a different type appearance).

If Lia actually knew I didn't sexually objectify her, she would probably be open to talking to me, but she made it clear in her note to police, that she thinks my love for her is erotic, which is far from true!

But I simply don't think I will ever meet someone I love as much as Lia, and nothing is going to change the fact that she got me sober, she revolutionized my life, she raised my moral standards, inspired greater virtue, and she left a permanent indelible mark on me that almost killed me literally, but also saved my life (probably literally).

She is a big part of my testimony of who I am today, and there is no switch I can flip to forget about her. Trying to forget about Lia for me is about as realistic as telling me to quit breathing, and go through life not breathing anymore. It is simply not possible!

 

[ChristineM]

If I could flip a switch and forget about her I would.

But the fact that I have never loved another creature a fraction of as much as I love her, is still a fact, that I am not able to actually change.

There is no one other than her, that I would make the greatest sacrifice for, take a bullet for, or be more willing to break every bone in my body for, or become permanently paralyzed for,( if it came down to making such a sacrifice for her good, her well being, enlightenment, her happiness, her potential being fully reached, her safety, her eternal salvation if such a thing exists, and I had to make such a sacrifice for that to be possible etc.)

My pOInt is, there isn't a creature, in the 34 years I have lived, that I have loved a fraction of as much as I love Lia! She's a once in a lifetime person to meet, and I meet many women!

Even if we stayed in the friendship zone and she is married to another man, friendship with her would mean more to me than whether or not my entire family is alive or dead. Losing Lia was more painful than were I to hear my whole family got violently murdered.

IT seems Lia and I met for a reason, and out of love for her, and respect, I won't contact her again, unless she initiates and makes clear she wants it.

But Lia brought more of what seemed like graces and paranormal experiences and signs, than all other creatures I met combined. I love her more than all people combined, and the attention I gave her, the fervent intensity of it, scared the **** out of her, but it is clear she thinks I lust after her, which isn't even true. I try not to jerk off, and when I do, i fantasize about girls in their twenties (younger than her and of a different type appearance).

If Lia actually knew I didn't sexually objectify her, she would probably be open to talking to me, but she made it clear in her note to police, that she thinks my love for her is erotic, which is far from true!

But I simply don't think I will ever meet someone I love as much as Lia, and nothing is going to change the fact that she got me sober, she revolutionized my life, she raised my moral standards, inspired greater virtue, and she left a permanent indelible mark on me that almost killed me literally, but also saved my life (probably literally).

She is a big part of my testimony of who I am today, and there is no switch I can flip to forget about her. Trying to forget about Lia for me is about as realistic as telling me to quit breathing, and go through life not breathing anymore. It is simply not possible!

I can see how you have become the man you are and you know i respect that so much. If you can't forget her then keep her memory, treasure her memory but simply do not contact her. It could keep you out of prison and that is important for your own advancement.

 

[Spiderman]

@Spiderman this I second. As for fearing you when you mean no harm let me remind you as you said this world is dangerous. Women often do fear men. And even if you mean her no harm she doesnt know that she knows what harm men have done to women and like I said the level of obsession you have with her can really scare women even if the guy means no harm cuz of men that can harm. If i were you I'd know if I really care about her I'll let her be. I'd never contact her again. The fear of you will fade if she knows she is safe from you and she will not know she's safe from you if you keep contacting her. I personally wouldn't listen to you at all if I were her cuz of how potientally unsafe that would be. I know you mean no harm but in her mind you possibly do and that would mean you are unsafe to her. I'm not saying you actually are going to harm her or put her in danger but to her you are in her mind.

I have said many times that I would not contact her again. I don't know what would lead you to think I would contact her again. After police told me she thinks I want to sexually assault her, it has not even been a temptation to contact her.

IT doesn't change the fact that her poisoning herself with fear over a threat that doesn't exist , is unhealthy, and she is hurting herself, and both of us!

Also, I never expressed any desire to hurt her. She knows a girl attacked me and I didn't even fight back. She has been alone with me many times, even at night, in the dark, in a neighborhood where all the homeless tent dwellers hang out. Im not a sex offender.

If I was going to hurt her, or was a threat, it would have happened when she and I were alone together.

So, obviously I'm not going to contact her, but I hope women are not usually this pathetic, fragile, delicate, and pissing their panties petrified over some threat that doesn't exist.

I'm just saying, she and I met multiple times a week for years, and I showed no indication of wanting to do something bad to her.

She either needs thicker skin, oR it will be hard for her to live, or perhaps she has been abused before. Either way, I forgive her, but it is simply pathetic!

 

[Spiderman]

I have said many times that I would not contact her again. I don't know what would lead you to think I would contact her again. After police told me she thinks I want to sexually assault her, it has not even been a temptation to contact her.

IT doesn't change the fact that her poisoning herself with fear over a threat that doesn't exist , is unhealthy, and she is hurting herself, and both of us!

Also, I never expressed any desire to hurt her. She knows a girl attacked me and I didn't even fight back. She has been alone with me many times, even at night, in the dark, in a neighborhood where all the homeless tent dwellers hang out. Im not a sex offender.

If I was going to hurt her, or was a threat, it would have happened when she and I were alone together.

So, obviously I'm not going to contact her, but I hope women are not usually this pathetic, fragile, delicate, and pissing their panties petrified over some threat that doesn't exist.

I'm just saying, she and I met multiple times a week for years, and I showed no indication of wanting to do something bad to her.

She either needs thicker skin, oR it will be hard for her to live, or perhaps she has been abused before. Either way, I forgive her, but it is simply pathetic!

Then again, I think how delicate, soft, tender, sensitive, and fragile she was, kinda made her more precious to me, so I can't really bash it!