Why do people talk behind other peoples backs?

[Ori]

Why can't people just say what they have to say to the person?

 

[CaptainXeroid]

Lack of courage.
Lack of class.
That about covers it.

 

[Neo-Logic]

It's more fun?
To make things interesting?
Good convesation starter?
An enemy of my enemy is my friend mentality?
It's human nature?
Just cuz?

Me dunno :bonk:

 

[Scuba Pete]

It's easier to LIE behind someone's back than to their face. If I have a problem with you, you will know about it. If I have a complaint about a post you wrote, you can be sure that I will cc you on it. There are those who can vouch for this.

 

[john313]

We are not supposed to back bite, that is why it is so appealing. that and many people are scared of confrontation.

 

[Druidus]

Because it is a behaviour inherent in primates. For instance, one bonobo who was taught to communicate with lexigrams was recorded to gossip with the researches about a fight that had occured between two chimps. She cast a negative light on one of the chimps.

 

[michel]

Basically, I agree with NetDoc's and Captain X's posts - though I would add another instance; when the 'talker behind someone's back' misguidedly thinks he is being 'tactful' and doesn't want to hurt the person about whom he/she is talking, but feels the need to 'share' it with someone else.

One classic example of this is, of course, the old "Have you smelt that stale sweat ? nearly knocks me down when I walk past him"..........
Misguided, and not the best way to deal with the problem, but I can understand that one.

 

[BUDDY]

Why can't people just say what they have to say to the person?

Because they are not around?
Because that is how people communicate?
Because I am apparently an overgrown bonobo?

 

[Mr Spinkles]

Psst! EWWRED! I think orichalcum is asking because he gossips ALL the time, and he's embarassed about it. I'll PM if about it if you want to know more.

 

[kreeden]

one bonobo who was taught to communicate with lexigrams was recorded to gossip with the researches about a fight that had occured between two chimps. She cast a negative light on one of the chimps.

That chimp smells bad , and you people dress him funny ....

Sorry Druidus , but I do have to wonder what she said .

 

[michel]

I saw this thread again, and realized how 'difficult' this subject is. I keep myself much to myself; I gossip about myself - as you no doubt all know, I feel the need for everyone to know who and what I am, so that there are no assumption - besides, I often hope that what I have seen, been through can help others feel less 'isolated' - everyone, I hope, knows that they can come to me; I am a good listener.

The point I was going to make is the one drawback of not joining in with the gossip - I had that all through my working life; I never felt 'One of the crowd'.

Everyone knew everything about everyone else, except for me; I would often go around in blissful ignorance of whatever was going on behind the scenes. I actually felt lonely.

 

[kreeden]

A every good point Michel . One I was thinking of earlier . But I think that effect is just a part of a larger problem . Gossip often attacks a person's self worth . A part of that could be the feeling of belonging , but it goes deeper I think . And it works both ways . By gossiping , one can feel that they are a part of that crowd , and believe that it builds their worth .... Sad in away , that we put so much importance upon the opinions of others . But then , that is also what makes us a social animal , as Druidus pointed out .

 

[michel]

A every good point Michel . One I was thinking of earlier . But I think that effect is just a part of a larger problem . Gossip often attacks a person's self worth . A part of that could be the feeling of belonging , but it goes deeper I think . And it works both ways . By gossiping , one can feel that they are a part of that crowd , and believe that it builds their worth .... Sad in away , that we put so much importance upon the opinions of others . But then , that is also what makes us a social animal , as Druidus pointed out .

hehehe Depends on what the gossip is about!:bonk:

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

For the same reason soaps are so popular,they talk about soap people as if they were real. and it carries on in real life in the form of gossip. most of them mean no harm but it still hurts if you are the target.
A bit more thought and compassion would help.

Terry
________________________________________
Blessed are the poor in spirit, the kingdom of heaven is theirs.

 

[michel]

For the same reason soaps are so popular,they talk about soap people as if they were real. and it carries on in real life in the form of gossip. most of them mean no harm but it still hurts if you are the target.
A bit more thought and compassion would help.

Terry
________________________________________
Blessed are the poor in spirit, the kingdom of heaven is theirs.

It sounds like you have been a target; you are right though, this comes down to plain compassion, love and respect for your fellow man.

 

[Scuba Pete]

Most all of have been the target of malicious gossip. For many, this is an excuse to continue the vicious circle.

The next time someone starts to talk about someone else to you, stop them and ask if they have discussed with the person in question. If they haven't then ask them to stop telling you and to go talk with the other guy. After all, only THEY can work out their differences.

I start to lose patience with a few chronic gossipers. My standard response to them is: "WHY are you telling me this? I get along fine with ______ and do not wish to hear otherwise."