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Why do some go out of their way to make people like them?
- Thread starter Ori
- Start date
Heh Ori - I notice you often have a thread title that doesn't quite 'resonate' with the question you then ask in the threadorichalcum said:
"Why do some go out of their way to make people like them?" - you have 'connected' to "Many people (not all) put on an act when they are out of their comfort zone, but why is it they feel the need to shield their true selves?" - in other words you have actually given the answer to the problem, as you see it - agrred? - not that that matters, of course.Yes, I think you are right - you are noticing and tying in the desire to be 'wanted' and accepted with the fact that people put on an act - which can well be in order to satisfy the need for people to like them - but could also be as a 'shield' against insecurity. I agree with you; no matter who you are, you are a complete individual, and you should have no need to pretend to be anything other than what you are.
That doesn't stop insecurity in some folk though.....
Zephyr
Moved on
I don't put on an act. I can't hide who I am, cause I am noone.
Some people are weird. I am most comfortable when I am out of my comfort zone. That's entertainment for you. I like to do things that make just a bit uncomfortable, it makes me much more open and is a good thing.
EDIT: I feel I should add that I don't believe that people can ever really hide who they are, but can very easily change themselves.
Some people are weird. I am most comfortable when I am out of my comfort zone. That's entertainment for you. I like to do things that make just a bit uncomfortable, it makes me much more open and is a good thing.
EDIT: I feel I should add that I don't believe that people can ever really hide who they are, but can very easily change themselves.
Draka
Wonder Woman
I used to be very self conscious of how others saw me and therefore had a completely different way of presenting myself in public, however that was many years ago and a lot has happened to me to make me realize that I truly DON'T CARE how others see me. I will be myself and say what I want and act how I want and if anybody doesn't like it then that is their own problem not mine. It is not my duty to please everyone and if someone judges who I am by some crazy or weird thing I may say or do then that is their problem as well. I learned a long time ago that it doesn't pay to not be yourself. Life's too short to pretend to be something you are not and be miserable in the process.
Draka
Wonder Woman
Having seen my age? I don't know quite how to respond to thatmichel said:Having seen your age, that makes sense - when we are young, it is natural to behave how you think people will want you to behave; it is only with maturity that you can afford to be yourself.
. Am I young or mature then? :biglaugh:
Jaymes
The cake is a lie
I'm very particular about not offending someone. Even if someone offends me, I'll usually hold my tongue. I kind of shocked the nurses while I was recovering... a nurse accidently yanked my arm out from under me, which HURT in ways that I cannot emphasize in words. I waited until she left the room to ask that she not be let back in my room to work with me, because I didn't want to offend her... :biglaugh:
It's not so much that I don't want to be my true self as I consider people not getting their panties in a wad more important than me being self-expressive... not that I'm too outgoing IRL to begin with.
It's not so much that I don't want to be my true self as I consider people not getting their panties in a wad more important than me being self-expressive... not that I'm too outgoing IRL to begin with.
Scuba Pete
Le plongeur avec attitude...
The real question is why don't I trust you? If I trusted you, I would be happy to let you see "all" of me. Untdl I do, I think it is prudent to keep you at a safe distance.
fromthe heart
Well-Known Member
I personally don't care if I'm liked or not...I am who I am and if someone doesn't like me then that's their opinion they can go their way I'll go mine. I don't have a problem with who I am so I guess you could say my life is an open book...I would truthfully answer a question about myself no matter if the answer shocked someone. I only answer to God and if God thinks I'm ok that is really all that matters to me because He truely IS the only one I will answer to for any of my life's goof-ups.
Fluffy
A fool
There are two reasons. First is an innate abscence of confidence. Second is the default way in which most of humanity treats others. Walk into any school and people are expected to have a thick skin. Derogatory comments are made free and easy, those who don't put up with them are put down even more. This of course leads to a vicious circle since it makes the abscence of confidence even more evident and prevents a person from increasing their confidence without external help.
Frankly I do not believe this statement is correct, at least not completely. Yes you should be proud of who you are if you wish to be happier within yourself. However, this is not always a good thing to strive towards and can lead to wiping out shame when an incorrect act is done. It can lead to a lack of sensitivity and time for other people who cannot grasp the pride with which you hold yourself and then it can lead to arrogance.
Also the phrase "if people do not like you, then it is they who are missing out." is a load of crap. It is one of those nice things to say to people who are depressed and lacking confidence, often when they are rejected by another person or group. If people do not like you then they either have good reason or not. If they have good reason then telling this to a person is merely justifying their actions that led to their dislike by others. In other words it is shifting responsibility away from where it needs to be taken on board.
Terrywoodenpic
Oldest Heretic
I had a boss once who told me ."You are not here to be popular you are here to do a Job."
How true . most of us are at at our maximum effectiveness when we are our true selves.
Those who gather round will be kindred spirits who are happy with you as you are.there may be less of them, but they should be real friends, not hangers on.
Terry
_______________________________--
Blessed are the gentle, they shall inherit the land
How true . most of us are at at our maximum effectiveness when we are our true selves.
Those who gather round will be kindred spirits who are happy with you as you are.there may be less of them, but they should be real friends, not hangers on.
Terry
_______________________________--
Blessed are the gentle, they shall inherit the land
I got married when you were born; and I married a bit late (at 27) - and I have been married 29 years this November; you're YOUNG.Draka said:Having seen my age? I don't know quite how to respond to that
When I worked in the bank, I was always 'Good old Michel' - with my bosses; I felt good, and accepted and wanted. As soon as I was no longer in their 'sphere' (moving onto another branch ), they 'dropped' me instantly. I never got used to that; I fell for it each time - throughout my career I only ever really made three good friends - although I thought I had many - I never got used to the 'let down' though....:jam: