What's is it that you think I do not understand?
I do not think you understand the contradictions in what you assert. Or perhaps I might be better to say I don't think you can see the contradictions.
But I put it to you this way: if you can believe contradictory things at the same time, then you do not fully understand what you really believe. And I think that there are many religious believers out there who suffer from the same thing. I give you, for example, your notion that the rudder cannot move the ship. In fact, it can, in precisely the same way that a fish tail can impel the fish forward, as well as control the direction in which it moves.
I recognize that you are not Christian, but let me give another example of the kind of contradiction that convinces me that most believers only "believe they believe," rather than believe as an essential part of their being. I begin by telling you that I believe, really believe, that a red burner on the top of my stove tells me that if I put my hand on it, I will burn myself horribly. Nothing, short of violent intervention by another person, could make me put my hand there. I really believe that to the bottom of my being. And then there are the Christians who think they believe that Christ taught them to love others as He loved them. And then they go on to hate all kinds of people for all kinds of things. They are lying to themselves. They only "believe they believe." They think they believe in this Christ, and then they put their hand on the red hot burner anyway.