Why monogamy?

[TurkeyOnRye]

I'm strictly monogamous myself, but I've known polyamorous people, and none of them only want either of the above. I've seen them display as much dedication, commitment, and care toward their partners as most monogamous people I've known.

I don't have any problems with whatever type of relationship other adults choose for themselves as long as the relationships are based on informed consent and harm no one.

How many of them were interested in the rearing of their own biological children? Although I was cavalier in the delivery, that was the center of the argument I was making. Polyamory really throws a wrench into that dynamic.

 

[Circumradiant]

I mean i dont understand getting jealous that someone wants to sleep with another person or is in love with more then one person. Jealousy I've felt but not in that case. Monogamy to me just seems like you claim ownership of the other person that you are in charge of their body and who they love because you are with them. I know it's not like that it's just what my mind thinks of when I think of monogamy. I know it has more to do with both parties just wanting to be exclusive and not with anyone else but I can't shake the feeling that you dont own a person so why does being in a relationship dictate who your significant other sleeps with or is in love with?

I liked some posts accidentally on here, but my like on yours was intentional... I understand where you're coming from. Personally I've dealt with feelings of possessiveness stemming from jealousy, but I never externalised that. In my case, monogamy is the best option for me because it's how I work, I want to be with only one person and hopefully that person will like me back and enjoy my company as well. I don't feel a need to bring more than one person to the relationship because again, it's not my thing and navigating a relationship with a single partner is complicated enough. I would probably have a meltdown dealing with a different arrangement.
Another thing is that to me, sex is not a purely physical act, but an emotional and metaphysical one. I've had casual experiences and absolutely hated them, felt empty afterwards.
I don't believe that I own the person I love romantically. Nobody owns anyone and free will exists.
I'm not going to delve into other forms of love aside from romantic, but I think there are different kinds.
I guess everyone has their own way of living, again, we should just accept that even if it's hard to wrap our minds around it.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

I think it's good advice that you just can't take.

Haw haw.
But theres no real reason that someone already having a partner must make them off limits. Our own biology is at a middle poiny between being strictly monoganous and stricktly polygamous, and even the Bible, despite the claims otherwise, features prophets and righteous men and godly kings who married to lots of women and also had concubines. David himself could have had sex with a different woman every day and wouldn't have been with the same one twice until about 2 years and 8 months have passed.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

How many of them were interested in the rearing of their own biological children? Although I was cavalier in the delivery, that was the center of the argument I was making. Polyamory really throws a wrench into that dynamic.

No it doesn't.

 

[VoidCat]

I liked some posts accidentally on here, but my like on yours was intentional... I understand where you're coming from. Personally I've dealt with feelings of possessiveness stemming from jealousy, but I never externalised that. In my case, monogamy is the best option for me because it's how I work, I want to be with only one person and hopefully that person will like me back and enjoy my company as well. I don't feel a need to bring more than one person to the relationship because again, it's not my thing and navigating a relationship with a single partner is complicated enough. I would probably have a meltdown dealing with a different arrangement.
Another thing is that to me, sex is not a purely physical act, but an emotional and metaphysical one. I've had casual experiences and absolutely hated them, felt empty afterwards.
I don't believe that I own the person I love romantically. Nobody owns anyone and free will exists.
I'm not going to delve into other forms of love aside from romantic, but I think there are different kinds.
I guess everyone has their own way of living, again, we should just accept that even if it's hard to wrap our minds around it.

Like i said I get that monogamy is the best choice for many people. And that it's not about ownership. It's just that what my mind goes to initially before thinking harder on why someone may be monogamous

 

[JustGeorge]

Haw haw.
But theres no real reason that someone already having a partner must make them off limits.

I would say the only 'real reason' would be if a monogamous person has declared themselves off limits.

I'd be real ****ed off if a man was pursuing me after I'd told him I was married and monogamous, and I'd be even more ****ed off if some woman was pursuing my husband after determining he was married and monogamous.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

I would say the only 'real reason' would be if a monogamous person has declared themselves off limits.

I'd be real ****ed off if a man was pursuing me after I'd told him I was married and monogamous, and I'd be even more ****ed off if some woman was pursuing my husband after determining he was married and monogamous.

I would say that's going into the realms of blatant disrespect.
But, what really is there that requires people who have a significant other be off limits to having another?

 

[Circumradiant]

Like i said I get that monogamy is the best choice for many people. And that it's not about ownership. It's just that what my mind goes to initially before thinking harder on why someone may be monogamous

It must be normal to come to knee-jerk conclusions at first. Normally when I think of polyamory, my mind elaborates views that aren't necessarily true, so I have to ponder a bit. In fact, this discussion helped me gather my thoughts on it. I guess it doesn't "offend" me as it once did.

 

[TurkeyOnRye]

No it doesn't.

Yes, it does.

If a woman is in a relationship with two or more men and becomes pregnant, who is the father?

 

[VoidCat]

Yes, it does.

If a woman is in a relationship with two or more men and becomes pregnant, who is the father?

Oooo easy question. Whoever is there for the kid. If it's both men involved with the kid both can be the father.

 

[TurkeyOnRye]

Oooo easy question. Whoever is there for the kid. If it's both men involved with the kid both can be the father.

Uh huh...

And suppose both men deny responsibility?

I'm guessing you've never experienced the dilemma of paternity, because it can be a literal nightmare.

 

[JustGeorge]

I would say that's going into the realms of blatant disrespect.
But, what really is there that requires people who have a significant other be off limits to having another?

There isn't anything that requires it, its just what a person might want/not want in a relationship.

 

[Brickjectivity]

That shocks me abit to see that coming from you.

Me, too. I'm unhappy about it. The human being is a constant right now. We're struggling to get by until something changes.

You do know matriarchies have existed, right? That psychology has revealed women tend to make better leaders as they temd to be better at the interpersonal skills that make for better managers? Amd I'm sure you're aware of the casual misogyny that finds a woman in her period to be suspicious.

It took me a minute understand that sentence about a woman's period. I'm aware that women suffer menstrual problems, sometimes. That at least has improved due to medicine and amazing new sanitary tech, and I think periods usually go unnoticed at work these days. One of the great hopes for our republic and for women are these kinds of improvements. Women live as long as men, now (after millennia of them dying young). We have to hope that things are different fundamentally, and maybe they are. Maybe things can improve permanently.

Democracies and republics have also existed and then disappeared like bubbles. Where are these matriarchies? Maybe women vote just like men. Maybe they also prefer to vote for men. They obviously do. They don't press for a woman instead of a man or an equal representation of women and men. So nothing has changed, and we can see why matriarchies don't persist.

Why in tribal North America did the women let the men play about while they stayed at home chewing leather until their own teeth fell out? Women did all the work. They did all the planting and harvesting and rearing of children. They had complete control, but they gave that control away continually. They could hunt, but they let the men do it. It was the same kind of contentment we see in our own republic.

Have you considered enforced monogamy doles out women to men who otherwise would remain single.

There are different monogamous systems. They don't all have rigid celibacy, don't all require everyone to get married, don't all require marriage for life. What they don't allow is multiple wives at the same time or multiple husbands. They may at times allow for experimentation. It depends.

 

[VoidCat]

Uh huh...

And suppose both men deny responsibility?

I'm guessing you've never experienced the dilemma of paternity, because it can be a literal nightmare.

That's what paternity tests are for. And they arent the father if they dont claim responsibility. Not in my book. A father raises their children. Thus one may be considered biologically the father but in my book he just a sperm donor

 

[TurkeyOnRye]

That's what paternity tests are for. And they arent the father if they dont claim responsibility. Not in my book. A father raises their children. Thus one may be considered biologically the father but in my book he just a sperm donor

You don't grasp the seriousness of the emotional entanglement and turmoil that unwanted pregnancy to an unknown father causes. Your relationships will not be the same.

 

[VoidCat]

Uh huh...

And suppose both men deny responsibility?

I'm guessing you've never experienced the dilemma of paternity, because it can be

Also in a monogamous relationship the man can deny responsibility. Youd still end up with a court battle and a single mother regardless

 

[VoidCat]

You don't grasp the seriousness of the emotional entanglement and turmoil that unwanted pregnancy to an unknown father causes. Your relationships will not be the same.

Truth is some men are just *****. Doesnt matter if polyamourous or not

 

[Circumradiant]

That's what paternity tests are for. And they arent the father if they dont claim responsibility. Not in my book. A father raises their children. Thus one may be considered biologically the father but in my book he just a sperm donor

Agree, you don't need to be blood related to be part of a family. That's a different matter entirely and just because someone is your relative it doesn't mean that they will be a positive influence on your life. And raising a child requires responsibility, but sadly many people don't know what that means.
My mum worked so hard to raise me and my siblings and I'm grateful for that, but I wonder how things would have been if my father was present and an actually decent man.

 

[VoidCat]

Agree, you don't need to be blood related to be part of a family. That's a different matter entirely and just because someone is your relative it doesn't mean that they will be a positive influence on your life. And having a child requires responsibility, but sadly many people don't know what that means.
My mum worked so hard to raise me and my siblings and I'm grateful for that, but I wonder how things would have been if my father was present and an actually decent man.

Exactly. I was never raised by either my biological parents. By my teens there had been 3 custody cases over me and my siblings. But yeah different topic

 

[TurkeyOnRye]

Truth is some men are just dicks. Doesnt matter if polyamourous or not

And some women are just vaginas?
Consider this: even if a male partner is responsible and using protection, if the woman is reckless and becomes pregnant with another man, the first man's sense of security is thrown out the door. Both men are entangled in that dilemma, regardless of their caution. Yes, polyamory or not does matter. Birth control and paternity testing are extremely modern crutches that enable people's irresponsibility. Before the 20th century, polyamory had very high costs. And there are still costs.