World War T... For Toddler

[Soandso]

Let's say you wake up in the midst of an apocalyptic event. The streets are empty, but you roam them in hopes of finding someone else that can fill you in on just what's going on

You walk around a corner and you see a countless horde... They look up and notice you. It's too late. Before you can react you've been beset upon by a swarm of feral toddlers. They (30 lbs) got that terrible two rage coursing through their veins and they want blood

It's not a question of if you can fight them off; there's just too many. You can't outrun them either since they're everywhere and you'll only tire yourself out. This is your end, and it's time to go out swinging

How many feral toddlers do you think you could fight before they'd take you down?

After answering that, what if they had adult level intelligence?

After that, what if they also had improvised weapons?

Fight!

 

[Viker]

Typically, in situations like this, I carry a barbedwired baseball bat. I would have to start swinging and singing the Barney (the dinosaur) song (replace love with hate). Swinging and singing! Oh yeah!

Had to get in a Neegan reference, I apologize.

Nah. No apologies, no regrets. Right?

 

[Wu Wei]

all of a sudden this popped into my head

 

[Soandso]

all of a sudden this popped into my head

You know, I'm not really a family guy watcher. Glad to know my deranged shower thoughts aren't strictly limited to only me

 

[Eddi]

I recon I could take out four or five before they overpowered me

 

[Heyo]

Let's say you wake up in the midst of an apocalyptic event. The streets are empty, but you roam them in hopes of finding someone else that can fill you in on just what's going on

It's not a question of if you can fight them off; there's just too many. You can't outrun them either since they're everywhere and you'll only tire yourself out.

They are not everywhere. At least they are not in the streets I have roamed until I found them.
So I can retreat and either outrun them (if they keep together and reduce their speed to the slowest of them) or they spread out into small groups I can easily fight.

(You should rethink your scenario.)

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

This is America. I'd just shoot them.

 

[The Hammer]

Pick up nearest toddler. Use as blunt instrument against other toddlers. Watch them become fearful as use weapon toddler until it's just a stump. Rinse and repeat until exhaustion sets in.

With adrenaline... About 12 minutes. 30 toddlers

 

[Soandso]

They are not everywhere. At least they are not in the streets I have roamed until I found them.
So I can retreat and either outrun them (if they keep together and reduce their speed to the slowest of them) or they spread out into small groups I can easily fight.

(You should rethink your scenario.)

Nah, cause the street is in the middle of the city and they are all throughout. You're surrounded and they'll get to you sooner or later!

 

[Soandso]

This is America. I'd just shoot them.

Bullets run out eventually!

 

[Alien826]

Shout "Who wants candy?". Dash off in the direction of a skyscraper. Run up the stairs. They all follow you, shouting "Candy! Candy!". At the top you get out of their way by getting on a ledge or whatever, point at the edge and watch as they fall off (the ones behind should push the ones in front off). When the pile of dead toddlers gets high enough, slide down it to the ground. Repeat at another skyscraper until all toddlers are dead, or until the stench of ruptured diapers overpowers you.

 

[Soandso]

Shout "Who wants candy?". Dash off in the direction of a skyscraper. Run up the stairs. They all follow you, shouting "Candy! Candy!". At the top you get out of their way by getting on a ledge or whatever, point at the edge and watch as they fall off (the ones behind should push the ones in front off). When the pile of dead toddlers gets high enough, slide down it to the ground. Repeat at another skyscraper until all toddlers are dead, or until the stench of ruptured diapers overpowers you.

If their sticky lil hands don't get to you, the stench from the overripe diapers will. It's hell out there...

 

[Quagmire]

I would just pick up any random item, throw it in the street and yell "Now you leave that alone"!!

Then I'd sneak away as they were swarming over it