Worst Depression of my Life

[Druidus]

I'm experiencing the worst depression of my life. It began this morning. It's crippling. I don't feel like moving, eating, drinking, or anything. I wish I could just sleep, preferably forever. For the first time in my life, my mind is telling me that it would be better to just be gone now, and knowing that makes it even worse.

No smily fits my current mood. No words can express it. I feel like I sincerely wish I was dead. I'm crying as I type this, and I've gotta stop because I don't even feel like writing. I wish there was nothing.

 

[Aqualung]

Wow. I've felt like that before. Now I'm crying remembering how it feels. But it'll get better, friend. Trust me. Somebody once told me a story. You can't appreciate the beauty of the vally until you're up on the mountain, but you also can't appreciate the beauty of the mountain until you're in the vally. Your's might be a pretty deep vally, but that just means the mountains are higher. Kind of cliched, I know, but it's true. trust me.

 

[Sunstone]

Dru, call a doctor immediately. My thoughts are with you.

 

[robtex]

Druidus do me a big favor. Go find your parents and talk to them for a bit. You are kinda an retrospective/introvert meaning you have a tendancy to internalize your thoughts and feelings. There is nothing wrong with this, as a matter fact I tend to be that way at times too but if you are such an indivdual and suffer from depression you are in a scary place. What you NEED to do is externalize your feelings by sharing them. If you have a parent in the house right now I need you to immediatly tell them you feel sad and just be around them for a while.

If they are not around call a friend and talk on the phone and/or have somebody come over. Being around people right now is going to be emotionally beneficial to you. Don't try to figure out the details but just find parents first and be with them and if they are not available friends second.

 

[Pah]

I've signed on AOL - please chat

 

[QTpi]

Druidus, please follow Robtex's advice. You really need to be with someone and talk with someone right NOW! As impossible as it may seem at this time, things will get better. We're here whenever you need us.

 

[Feathers in Hair]

The others are right- please get some help, whether it be chatting with other RF members or seeing a doctor. (Hopefully the latter.) I'll be sending you my phone number and a calling card- please know that you can call me anytime, day or night.

 

[lilithu]

Namaste Dru,

this may seem like small consolation at the moment, but you're not the first one to feel this way. I'm not saying this to belittle how you feel; just to tell you that you're not alone. You are not alone. And if you can hang on, I promise you it does get better. Remember the trees Druidus. Remember how we talked about the trees? Remember those times when life was absolutely full of meaning and belonging. Even if you can't feel any of it right now, you can remember how it felt. And I promise you, you will experience it again. Hang on...

and like the others have said, get some help. Talk to your parents if you can. Find a good counselor. And I'm available if you need to talk.

-lilith

 

[Bennettresearch]

Hey Druidus, snap out of it.

Rob is right, it is usually something past that puts us down sometimes, even if we can't put a finger on it. When you realize that you still have a life to live, the past becomes just that. You can only change the future. All of your friends are here, that is something to count as a blessing.

 

[Kowalski]

Hey Druidus, snap out of it.

Rob is right, it is usually something past that puts us down sometimes, even if we can't put a finger on it. When you realize that you still have a life to live, the past becomes just that. You can only change the future. All of your friends are here, that is something to count as a blessing.

It is also a deep fear of the future, plus current issues, I know, I've been there, I once put a loaded shotgun to my head, I didn't pull the triggers, 3lb of finger pressure away from oblivion, what stopped me, thinking of my kids and that just maybe things would get better. Things have been up and down since then. I have confess, I feel my life is rubbish at present, but I'm carrying on.

Do see a doc, and don't expect an overnight cure, it takes time man. Rest, meds and time. You might also consider seeking a psychologist, ask your doc for a referral.

Take care man,

K

 

[Darkdale]

I'm experiencing the worst depression of my life. It began this morning. It's crippling. I don't feel like moving, eating, drinking, or anything. I wish I could just sleep, preferably forever. For the first time in my life, my mind is telling me that it would be better to just be gone now, and knowing that makes it even worse.

No smily fits my current mood. No words can express it. I feel like I sincerely wish I was dead. I'm crying as I type this, and I've gotta stop because I don't even feel like writing. I wish there was nothing.

You are going to hate this but,

1. Healthy Diet
2. 8 hours of sleep a night
3. An hour + of exercise

If this doesn't work, you'll have need medicine, but you don't want to stay on that stuff. It's poison.

is the best natural remedy for depression, no matter how bad it is. I've suffered from "Major Depression" all my life and I've found that I can beat it if I just do these three things every day. It sucks, because these three are the hardest to do when you are depressed, but it works. You've got to build your serotonin levels back up. Your mind lies to you when it is chemically imbalanced. You have to keep it in your mind that half the things you are thinking to yourself are based on terribly pessimistic interpretations of reality and know that you can overcome it. You have the power to work through it. Just try to keep yourself grounded, look at your thoughts from the outside.

I'll be praying for you.

 

[Ori]

I know how you feel Druidus, i've had the same feelings for quite a few years now.

I hope you can find something to cling onto, i'm here if you need to chat.

 

[Quoth The Raven]

Be well,Dru. We're all here if you need us, baby.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

I hope its going better for you today. One thing you can do is find some music that really connects with you. An artist that you just don't hear them, but you feel them. Just start head banging, jumping, and signing along. Get the blood and adrenaline flowing.

 

[Jaymes]

Dru, you're a strong guy. I know you can pull through this. I've been there in the past, and sometimes it still gets to me. I know it sucks and makes you want to die or crawl in a hole and hide forever... but you have to just bite the bullet and keep going.

This story helped me when I had to have spinal fusion and a couple of other friends when they were feeling like sh!t... dunno if it'll do you any good, but it can't hurt to try.

'There was a samurai that had broken the law and was to be executed at dawn. He was a jumble of nerves; shaking, couldn't sleep, felt sick. He was going over things his master had told him, trying to find something that would help relax him. Then he remembered a lesson on pain and suffering: 'This, too, shall pass.' After remembering that and meditating on it he was able to sleep.'

Good luck, man.

 

[Snowbear]

Druidus, I know how you feel. I know nothing I or anyone can say will really help right now, but just know that others DO know how you feel and DO care about you. I felt (and some days still feel) that same despair of which you write as I was writing some of my journals here. The only thing that has kept me from actually offing myself is my Faith.

Hey Druidus, snap out of it.

Easier said than done.

Rob is right, it is usually something past that puts us down sometimes, even if we can't put a finger on it.

Yeah, things from the past gets us down. But it's often present circumstances that gets us feeling the complete and utter despair that Druidus feels right now. Having no way of changing those circumstances only makes the depression worse.

You can only change the future.

To an extent. Mostly what you can change though is actually your reaction to it, not what actually happens.

All of your friends are here, that is something to count as a blessing.

Yes, it's a blessing to have friends here who you've never met in person. They're better than no friends at all.
Let me ask you this, though .... you say "All of your friends are here." Can you imagine what it's like to only have cyberfriends? To have no real life friends you can go to for a hug or who will listen when you're down?

 

[Feathers in Hair]

Let me ask you this, though .... you say "All of your friends are here." Can you imagine what it's like to only have cyberfriends? To have no real life friends you can go to for a hug or who will listen when you're down?

I imagine many of us can. A lot of us are online so much since we have social phobias, or some other disability that prevents us from making 'real life' friends. People here are my real life friends. I hope that they know I'll always listen to them, whether they're up or down, and that my cyberhugs would be the real thing if my arms were long enough. I wouldn't knock anyone for having only cyberfriends.

 

[michel]

Dru, I am sorry. You would pick a time when I am feeling particulary low myself - how inconsiderate!


You know where I am - on MSN or Yahoo, if you fancy swapping miseries! (sorry, I have to laugh about mine - that's my defence!) Life unfortunately is not fair; there are times when I think it has been especially designed to knock me down.

I am older though, and, having got through a few of these bouts, I find a good way of dealing with this is to go to bed and go to sleep. That wasn't my idea by the way - that was from a lady I knew who also went through life on a roller coaster.

You are certainly not alone; I bet there are hundreds, if not thousands in the same 'pit' of depression, at any one time - but that doesn't help you, does it ?

Darkdale's advice is good,except for the excercise bit........... (even if I ever had been good at any form of excercise, I couldn't do any now ).

One way I cope, when feeling bad, is to use 'distraction' -I force myself to take a computer appart, and then put it back together.....it usually works.

Reading down this thread, I am amazed and dismayed at how many of us suffer from depression; as far as I am concerned, the only 'use' of depression is in making you a more rounded and understanding human being - well, you know where I am, and I am sorry I wasn't around when you felt particularly bad.

Take care of yourself, my friend, you have a fine mind.

 

[lilithu]

A lot of us are online so much since we have social phobias, or some other disability that prevents us from making 'real life' friends. People here are my real life friends. I hope that they know I'll always listen to them, whether they're up or down, and that my cyberhugs would be the real thing if my arms were long enough. I wouldn't knock anyone for having only cyberfriends.

I wouldn't knock anyone for having only cyberfriends, but I would worry about them. I think it's great any time when people can reach out to each other and I recognize that for some people it's easier to do that online with people they can't see face to face. Maybe I am even a little guilty of that myself. There are some things that I've been more open about here than irl. But still, one's cyberfriends can only do so much for a person. We tend to need real flesh and bones contact, someone to go to a movie with, someone to share a meal with, someone where you can physically hear a laugh and feel a hug. And the for those of us who have some social phobias, the more out of practice we get dealing with people face to face the harder it will be. Also, we tend to be most happy when we have friends from more than one sphere of our lives. For example: work, church and hobby. Or school, sport, and family. etc. People need alternative places to turn when something isn't working for them, for whatever reason. RF can be one aspect of one's social life but I would strongly urge people to make an effort to be out there irl so that this doesn't become the only aspect.

 

[ChrisP]

I'm experiencing the worst depression of my life. It began this morning. It's crippling. I don't feel like moving, eating, drinking, or anything. I wish I could just sleep, preferably forever. For the first time in my life, my mind is telling me that it would be better to just be gone now, and knowing that makes it even worse.

No smily fits my current mood. No words can express it. I feel like I sincerely wish I was dead. I'm crying as I type this, and I've gotta stop because I don't even feel like writing. I wish there was nothing.

My thoughts are with you, many of the people in my life suffer from clinical depression and the like. Believe me there are hundreds of other people out there RIGHT NOW feeling exactly the same way.

Know that you WILL feel better.

With Love and Empathy

SnaleSpace