You May Be A Unitarian Universalist If...

[Green Gaia]

I know we already have a UU joke thread, but thought this deserved one of it's own... please add more as you think of them.

You May Be A Unitarian Universalist If...

• you think socks are too formal for a Summer service.
• even your goldfish gets to vote on family TV viewing choices.
• you consider Charlie Brown & Dilbert to be spiritual leaders.
• you know at least 5 ways to say Happy holidays!
• your Christmas tree has 7 symbols on its top.
• unleavened bread is part of your Easter Brunch.
• you find yourself lighting a chalice before brushing your teeth.
• if when you watch Jaws you root for the shark. ("Hey, sharks have to eat too!")
• belly-dancing has ever been part of a Sunday service.
• on Hallowe'en you explain to everyone the Pagan significance of their costumes.
• you consider Groucho, Harpo & Chico to be the "Holy Trinity."
• the "X-Files" is a regular source of your church's sermons.
• you consider Millard Fillmore one of the greatest U.S. Presidents. (He was Unitarian).
• you think "Whatever" is a valid theological point.

 

[Green Gaia]

• your idea of a guy's night out is going to a N.O.W. rally.
• you refer to construction paper as "paper of color."
• the name of your church is longer than your arm.
• you find yourself rewriting a church survey, rather than taking it.
• you call up your minister in the middle of the night, panicking because you are starting to believe in God.
• to explain your personal theology, you have to use interpretive dance.
• you take your day planner to church instead of the Bible.

 

[Green Gaia]

• you have ever been in an argument over whether or not breast milk is vegan.
• when you dress for a formal evening out you wear a little black dress, pearls--and Birkenstocks (and your wife thinks you look great!)
• you are unsure about the gender of God.
• you own six pairs of Birkenstocks and your favorite pair needs to be thrown away.
• you get Newt Gingrich confused with the Grinch who Stole Christmas.
• the money you sent to the Sierra Club last year was more than you spent on your mother at Christmas.
• you think the Holy Trinity is "reduce, reuse and recycle."
• you study the "ten suggestions" instead of the "Ten Commandments."
• the only time "Jesus" is mentioned at church is when someone trips or stubs a toe.
• your child says to you before eating dinner at a friend's house "I'll remember to say my 'pleases' and 'thank yous' but I'm not going to say that dinner 'pledge of alliegance'."
• You think a Holy day of Obligation is your turn to do coffee.
• You get mail from committees you didn't know you were on.
• You know at least two people who are upset that trees had to die for your church to be built.
  

 

[Feathers in Hair]

you consider Groucho, Harpo & Chico to be the "Holy Trinity."

This one alone just made me make up my mind to start attending our local UU church, which I was waffling about. Thank you for posting the list, not only for the good laugh, but... well, to me, it sounded like an invitation to a lovely time!

I especially like the Birkenstock references. When I went trained in massage therapy, it was under the 'umbrella' of a large beauty school. The nail technicians and hairdressers (as well as the school administrator, apparently) were appalled by the massage therapists' thinking that the environment had a higher priority than style. They referred to our department as 'the Birkenstock girls'.

 

[robtex]

Maize that was awsome and so frightingly accurate!!

 

[Green Gaia]

These still make me giggle. :biglaugh:

"If you wish to glimpse inside a human soul and get to know the man," wrote Dostoyevsky, "don't bother analyzing his ways of being silent, of talking, of weeping, or seeing how much he is moved by noble ideas; you'll get better results if you just watch him laugh. If he laughs well, he's a good man...All I claim to know is that laughter is the most reliable gauge of human nature."

If that is true then UUs should be very good. Because we laugh a lot... usually at ourselves.

 

[michel]

How can you tell a Unitarian Universalist?
You can't; they already know it all.

Have you heard the latest UU miracle?
Someone saw the face of Ralph Waldo Emerson on a tortilla.

What did the UU who was studying Zen ask the hotdog vendor?
"Make me one with everything."

There was a UU minister who was giving a sermon on the annual pledge drive: "The sermon on the amount."

What do you get when you cross a UU with a dyslexic?
Someone who is not sure if he/she believes in Dog.

What do congregations do with bullies?
They put them on the Board of Trustees.

What is a Unitarian Universalist?
An atheist with children.

Why are UU congregations so disjointed at hymn singing?
Because they are always reading a few lines ahead to see if they agree with the words.

Then of course there is the line about how the Universalists believed that God was too good to damn people, while the Unitarians believed that they were too good to be damned.

I'm not even sure if I am a UU. I suppose that removes all doubt.

If Unitarians had to form a firing squad they would arrange themselves in a circle.


Unitarian Universalists: God's Frozen People.


A UU meeting must seem strange to outsiders. A person will speak and says nothing. Nobody listens - and then everybody disagrees.

If that is true then UUs should be very good. Because we laugh a lot... usually at ourselves

.


I didn't know your ancestors were English...........:biglaugh:

 

[lilithu]

Unitarian Universalists: God's Frozen People.

I don't get it.

Sometimes the only reason why I can stand us is because we're so good at laughing at ourselves.

 

[Ciscokid]

This thread really gave me a chuckle, I needed one today too. Thank you Maize.

 

[Nozem]

"Why are UU congregations so disjointed at hymn singing?
Because they are always reading a few lines ahead to see if they agree with the words."

This one is just so true. I have noticed if the hymn being sung at my local Unitarian Church -Brighton, England, seems to be too 'tradtionally Christian', voices do start to stumble as if to say "should we really be singing this"! These postings were great .