My life has been good. I come from a rather large family, with three younger brothers and two older half-sisters. Their mother died from cancer. My mother left when I was about 20 or so. My father, 83, has had trouble (two heart attacks, a collapsed lung) but is still alive, alert, and going strong. My grandparents died when I was real young, so I don't remember them passing. I grew up gay, but never faced persecution. I married the man of my dreams and couldn't be happier. Of all things that could happen, everything is good. We were robbed, once, sure. But everything was replaceable and no one was hurt.
But this year has not been good. My oldest sister, Melody, is dying. She had a hysterectomy earlier this year and found out she had uterine and ovarian cancer. Stage 4. We knew she had a slim chance, but she had a chance. Yet she never got better. She had one performance of chemo, but we found out Friday that her cancer mutated and chemo would do nothing. We expected a month or so. Now? Days. In four days, her prognosis has gotten that much worst.
My sister is only 51. She is a virgin, never smoked, and never done drugs. She has never driven a car. She helped raise me and my three brothers, and later my nephew. When her aunt died, she used her money to buy a house for her and my family. In 9th grade, she was forced to leave and she still let us stay in the house even though she couldn't. She has agoraphobia, yet still donated to save horses and, most recently, has been volunteering for a Basset Hound organization as a donations coordinator. She has her problems, of course, but all in all, she was a good woman.
She doesn't deserve this. She is the last person to deserve this.
As I contemplated if Gnosticism is right or not, this has solidified my view. I accepted, in the past, that "God is with the suffering" during horrible events like genocide, because I allowed myself to believe God could not commit those acts (despite doing so in the Old Testament). I rationalized that the suffering that occurred was because of human action, not Gods. I ignored the question of divine intervention, and kept this loving, yet immovable, God.
But this is different. This is a woman who is suffering not from another human's action, nor had she committed a sin heinous enough to warrant what she is going through. This is a good woman who is suffering from a terrible condition created by a creator. If we accept that there is another energy, a divinity, then the good and loving one we know would not, or could not, create such a terrible and disgusting condition. Only a cruel and vengeful god could allow such a thing.
God may be with her, suffering, but it is not the creator. It is not the one who created this condition and has allowed it to continue to exist. The cure to Cancer will not come from a divine source, from the source which created it, but instead from the caring and devoted light found within humanity. I have told so few of this, but the love and care I have received from this did not come from a miracle of the creator, but from other human beings. Again, because of the light we have within us.
I can't walk into another apostolic Church again for worship. I can't affirm their creeds and nod at their beliefs. Their belief is wrong. Their reasoning is weak. The creator may work in mysterious ways, but they're not good ways.
While she does not seem to have gnosis now, I pray her eyes may be opened so the Heavenly Father can receive her. It is only a matter of days.
But this year has not been good. My oldest sister, Melody, is dying. She had a hysterectomy earlier this year and found out she had uterine and ovarian cancer. Stage 4. We knew she had a slim chance, but she had a chance. Yet she never got better. She had one performance of chemo, but we found out Friday that her cancer mutated and chemo would do nothing. We expected a month or so. Now? Days. In four days, her prognosis has gotten that much worst.
My sister is only 51. She is a virgin, never smoked, and never done drugs. She has never driven a car. She helped raise me and my three brothers, and later my nephew. When her aunt died, she used her money to buy a house for her and my family. In 9th grade, she was forced to leave and she still let us stay in the house even though she couldn't. She has agoraphobia, yet still donated to save horses and, most recently, has been volunteering for a Basset Hound organization as a donations coordinator. She has her problems, of course, but all in all, she was a good woman.
She doesn't deserve this. She is the last person to deserve this.
As I contemplated if Gnosticism is right or not, this has solidified my view. I accepted, in the past, that "God is with the suffering" during horrible events like genocide, because I allowed myself to believe God could not commit those acts (despite doing so in the Old Testament). I rationalized that the suffering that occurred was because of human action, not Gods. I ignored the question of divine intervention, and kept this loving, yet immovable, God.
But this is different. This is a woman who is suffering not from another human's action, nor had she committed a sin heinous enough to warrant what she is going through. This is a good woman who is suffering from a terrible condition created by a creator. If we accept that there is another energy, a divinity, then the good and loving one we know would not, or could not, create such a terrible and disgusting condition. Only a cruel and vengeful god could allow such a thing.
God may be with her, suffering, but it is not the creator. It is not the one who created this condition and has allowed it to continue to exist. The cure to Cancer will not come from a divine source, from the source which created it, but instead from the caring and devoted light found within humanity. I have told so few of this, but the love and care I have received from this did not come from a miracle of the creator, but from other human beings. Again, because of the light we have within us.
I can't walk into another apostolic Church again for worship. I can't affirm their creeds and nod at their beliefs. Their belief is wrong. Their reasoning is weak. The creator may work in mysterious ways, but they're not good ways.
While she does not seem to have gnosis now, I pray her eyes may be opened so the Heavenly Father can receive her. It is only a matter of days.
