Unshackled
Member
I actually don't like posting this, since It may influence how people here see me going forward, but I'm not that active anyway so I guess it's okay.
Late afternoon yesterday, I had an episode. I am currently in a state where I alternate between belief in God and denial of his existence until I have proof. Yesterday I leaned more toward belief, and I was praying earnestly, begging that if God exists, if he could just talk to me directly without human interference. I spent a few minutes doing that, and afterward wanted to play some video games since it was still early, but something changed.
I suddenly felt uneasy, and I could not sit down to play. I paced around and became overwhelmed with emotion and an intense desire to sleep. It was about 6pm and way too early. It's hard to explain, but my perception of the world seemed to close in around me, closer and closer until it felt like I could only perceive as far as my bedroom walls, like the world outside ceased to exist. I still felt bothered and confused and compelled to sleep. So I lay down on my bed, and the world closed in more to an area of about arms reach. I proceeded to go into a kind of waking dream, where my eyes were open but I was in a dream, and for about two hours I was overwhelmed by emotion and twisting thoughts. I did not feel in control, but like an observer or passenger.
My thoughts were of the resurrection of Christ, and I could not steer my mind in another direction. My thoughts became visual images of Christ, his face blurred since I don't know what he looks like, but I somehow knew it was him. My thoughts became his words, and he spoke to me with authority. He told me about the resurrection and for once things made so much sense. He explained it in a way I had never thought about or heard about before. It was like a fever dream. I became very emotional and started to cry. The feeling lifted and I quickly wrote down what he said.
I snapped back to...let's say reality, and my mind was clear. I just stood up and went to my pc and played a game like nothing happened. My mind wondered what the hell was going on but I pretended nothing happened and just focused on the game, I guess I was, and am afraid of what this means.
Am I becoming schizophrenic?
Is God talking to me?
Should I see a priest or a psychologist?
Late afternoon yesterday, I had an episode. I am currently in a state where I alternate between belief in God and denial of his existence until I have proof. Yesterday I leaned more toward belief, and I was praying earnestly, begging that if God exists, if he could just talk to me directly without human interference. I spent a few minutes doing that, and afterward wanted to play some video games since it was still early, but something changed.
I suddenly felt uneasy, and I could not sit down to play. I paced around and became overwhelmed with emotion and an intense desire to sleep. It was about 6pm and way too early. It's hard to explain, but my perception of the world seemed to close in around me, closer and closer until it felt like I could only perceive as far as my bedroom walls, like the world outside ceased to exist. I still felt bothered and confused and compelled to sleep. So I lay down on my bed, and the world closed in more to an area of about arms reach. I proceeded to go into a kind of waking dream, where my eyes were open but I was in a dream, and for about two hours I was overwhelmed by emotion and twisting thoughts. I did not feel in control, but like an observer or passenger.
My thoughts were of the resurrection of Christ, and I could not steer my mind in another direction. My thoughts became visual images of Christ, his face blurred since I don't know what he looks like, but I somehow knew it was him. My thoughts became his words, and he spoke to me with authority. He told me about the resurrection and for once things made so much sense. He explained it in a way I had never thought about or heard about before. It was like a fever dream. I became very emotional and started to cry. The feeling lifted and I quickly wrote down what he said.
I snapped back to...let's say reality, and my mind was clear. I just stood up and went to my pc and played a game like nothing happened. My mind wondered what the hell was going on but I pretended nothing happened and just focused on the game, I guess I was, and am afraid of what this means.
Am I becoming schizophrenic?
Is God talking to me?
Should I see a priest or a psychologist?
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