11 Year Old Devout Athiest

[Alceste]

Ahhh...

I have a problem.

My 11 year old daughter has just gotten a Facebook page (I know I know 13 is the age limit.) and she`s been having a blast playing games and chatting with her classmates online (Apparently I`m not the only one who could care less about age limits)

I just checked on her page for the 15th time today and see she has added "Devout Atheist" boldly displayed on her profile page.

<Sigh>

My atheism has caused many problems for my daughter most of which revolve around the fact that all my neighbors were very freindly and she played with the numerous kids in the neighborhood up and until my Devout Christian neighbors discovered my atheism.
Now she`s a leper and none of the kids in the neighborhood are allowed to play with her because she is of course satans child and will lead their kids into the very depths of hell.

Now her classmates parents will undoubtedly see that she`s a "devout atheist" and I fear the same ostracization will occur.

My wife wants it removed from her page.
I don`t want to give her any reason to believe there is shame in what she thinks she believes/disbelieves (I realize she`s 11 and may very well be a baptist preacher by the time she`s 22 but for now she claims atheism undoubtedly due to my beliefs)

You have to understand this kid isn`t your average 11 year old and neither are her classmates they`re all gifted with 130 or above IQ`s and in special classes running special critical thinking competitions and the whole parent/teacher/student/ situation in this class is very tight knit.
Most of them could perform well at high school levels in many areas.

She`s adamant she won`t remove it and I`m at a loss as I`ve always told her she should never be ashamed of whatever she believes about anything.

I`ve informed her she runs the risk of being ostracized in the same manner she was in our neighborhood and she just doesn`t give a damn.

She says that if they can`t accept her for what she is she doesn`t want their acceptance.
This of course fills me with so much pride I could burst but I really don`t want her tight knit "family" that the class has become over the past few years to shun her as it would truly hurt her.

I`m not worried about the kids reactions as truthfully most of them are smarter than their parents but I`m worried about what the parents might do or make their kids do.

What do I do here?

Help??

First point: It is probably counter-productive in terms of your daughter's psychological development to try to inhibit her self-expression because you fear she will be persecuted for her views. The LAST thing you want her to learn from you is to hide who she is and what she believes out of fear. At 11, your daughter takes your input very seriously. It really matters what you say to her. I remember the stuff my dad said to me at 11 verbatim, still, at 37.

Second point: As a parent, it's only natural that you want to shelter your child from the pain of persecution and intolerance. But you've done an amazing job so far! You haven't hidden your own opinions from her, which has taught her that belonging to a minority is nothing to be ashamed of. It seems you've placed her in a class / school where she won't be bullied because of her intelligence. That dramatically reduces the likelihood of persecution and intolerance for unpopular opinions. You have to decide whether pressuring her to conceal her opinions in order to avoid losing a few social opportunities is the right thing to do. Consider the consequences: would you rather she lose a few party invites, or her self respect?

Third point: She's 11, and she's intelligent. As she learns to become autonomous over the next few years, her parents must learn to treat her as an autonomous person. If you have worries or fears about the consequences of her non-theism, try to lay them on the table as a person to a person. Make it clear, first and foremost, that as far as her parents are concerned it is up to her how she expresses her beliefs and you will always support her no matter what. If it's really bothering you, make it clear that - while it's totally OK with you for her to be openly non-theistic - you worry about how people will treat her in your community if she is so open about it. That makes it an option for her to see it as your hang-up rather than her mistake.

Anyway, there's my advice - surely worth what you paid for it. Just as a disclaimer, I live in a non-religious part of the world so I don't actually know what the potential consequences of open atheism are in Florida. OTOH, I did experience a lot of bullying at that age, growing up in a more conservative place. I don't know why, but it may have been IQ related. I wouldn't trade one second of it to have had more narrow-minded, intolerant friends.

 

[Alceste]

I'm not trying to argue the validity of either position in this thread. I'm simply trying to present the Christian argument as clear as possible. Understand that most Christian parents do not want their kids around people who could potentially lead their kids away from what they believe is the truth. Why? Because they believe that=hell. It's not out of hatred that they try to keep a safe distance from you and your family, it's out of fear. Most of these Christian parents probably wouldn't want their kids hanging out with any children other than other Christian children. If you were Muslim or Jewish you'd probably be dealing with the same situation. For your kid to really be considered acceptable as a playmate for the Christian children she'd probably have to lie and call herself a Christian. She might be able to sneak in by calling herself a theist (being very ambiguous about the specific type of theism). My attitude is that we as 21st century Westerners spoil our kids. In the Middle Ages, kids that were 8 years old would be working full time and they'd get married at 12. There's was a very harsh world yet they persevered. IMO, you should let your daughter be welcomed into the real world. Better that than live a lie. What kind of a lesson will it teach your daughter to lie about who she is in order to be welcomed. I've never been a parent but I am someone who's had their teeth kicked in on a constant basis since my earliest days. If you knew more about my life I guarantee you wouldn't challenge that claim. It's time to be a warrior I say.

Yep. I agree. I would rather be bullied than insincere.

 

[Alceste]

Hey, it occurred to me you could just email your daughter this link:

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

I didn't understand any of this stuff until just this very minute. In retrospect, my failure to understand these principles is probably why I was bullied.

 

[Jayhawker Soule]

I remember being 11 years old and I wasn't brain dead.

Don't do it Jay.

:biglaugh:

 

[Shadow Wolf]

First, I praise your daughters bravery and outlook. She seems to be of very strong character.
But your daughter has made her choice, and I don't see reason to discourage it. All you really can do is be there for her, which I am willing to bet is something you are already doing a fine job of.

 

[dust1n]

If it isn't causing her negative effects that she is personally bothered by, than what does it matter?

 

[Katzpur]

I'd put about as much stock in what an 11-year old "devout atheist" says as I would in what an 11-year-old who "knows the Mormon Church is true" says. Not much in either case. Your daughter shouldn't have to feel ashamed of what she believes, or to lie about her lack of belief in God, but it might not hurt her to learn to state her position in such a way that she doesn't invite criticism. People get beat up enough as it is without going looking for trouble.

 

[Magic Man]

And if this doesn't work, the op can always try to be the parent instead of a friend.
That is of course unless an 11 year old knows best.

I agree. All the OP has to do is take that little girls priveleges away if she refuses to obey. Get a spine and act like a parent

Thanks for the bad parenting advice. I'll remember to completely ignore it.

 

[Photonic]

I agree. All the OP has to do is take that little girls priveleges away if she refuses to obey. Get a spine and act like a parent

That's a pretty simplistic way of obliterating any hope for a relationship with your child.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

I agree. All the OP has to do is take that little girls priveleges away if she refuses to obey. Get a spine and act like a parent

Why would you do that though? I honestly hope I don't have a gay or transgender child for much of the same reasons, but because I am worried about them and the hardships they will face doesn't mean I would need to take privileges away. In the OP's case, to have a child of such strong character is a good indication of good parenting. I know I can't made an entirely informed decision, but it seems the child knows there is the potential for problems, and she knows she can count on her parents to be there for her.
To take privileges away would be to take some steps backwards, especially when a parent is only concerned and has been promoting certain values to a child.

 

[crystalonyx]

Ahhh...

I have a problem.

My 11 year old daughter has just gotten a Facebook page (I know I know 13 is the age limit.) and she`s been having a blast playing games and chatting with her classmates online (Apparently I`m not the only one who could care less about age limits)

I just checked on her page for the 15th time today and see she has added "Devout Atheist" boldly displayed on her profile page.

<Sigh>

My atheism has caused many problems for my daughter most of which revolve around the fact that all my neighbors were very freindly and she played with the numerous kids in the neighborhood up and until my Devout Christian neighbors discovered my atheism.
Now she`s a leper and none of the kids in the neighborhood are allowed to play with her because she is of course satans child and will lead their kids into the very depths of hell.

Now her classmates parents will undoubtedly see that she`s a "devout atheist" and I fear the same ostracization will occur.

My wife wants it removed from her page.
I don`t want to give her any reason to believe there is shame in what she thinks she believes/disbelieves (I realize she`s 11 and may very well be a baptist preacher by the time she`s 22 but for now she claims atheism undoubtedly due to my beliefs)

You have to understand this kid isn`t your average 11 year old and neither are her classmates they`re all gifted with 130 or above IQ`s and in special classes running special critical thinking competitions and the whole parent/teacher/student/ situation in this class is very tight knit.
Most of them could perform well at high school levels in many areas.

She`s adamant she won`t remove it and I`m at a loss as I`ve always told her she should never be ashamed of whatever she believes about anything.

I`ve informed her she runs the risk of being ostracized in the same manner she was in our neighborhood and she just doesn`t give a damn.

She says that if they can`t accept her for what she is she doesn`t want their acceptance.
This of course fills me with so much pride I could burst but I really don`t want her tight knit "family" that the class has become over the past few years to shun her as it would truly hurt her.

I`m not worried about the kids reactions as truthfully most of them are smarter than their parents but I`m worried about what the parents might do or make their kids do.

What do I do here?

Help??

This is very sad. "Coming out of the closet" to say you are an atheist is worse than saying you're gay in our society. Anybody running for office who claims they are an atheist has signed their political death warrant. The constitution may spout religious freedom, but in reality there is a lot of religious intolerance in the U.S.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

but in reality there is a lot of religious intolerance in the U.S.

There is just alot of plain 'ole intolerance in the U.S. across the board. But yeah, if you say you don't believe in God, you're just as bad as the devil to many.