I actually have come to deeply loathe communism. But I'm stuck wondering what to do. When it comes down to it I have got so fed up of the "politics of fear" that is now used to control and manipulate us, I'd want to believe anything if its something positive. Just as long as it gets rid of the depression and gives me a sense of my own value. Its been hard to admitt because its so intimately connected with my self-worth that admitting I was wrong or could be wrong would be painful or humiliating. But here I am. I was wrong about communism in alot of ways and I was wrong on alot of other things. I'm not giving up on myself though.
I have never wholly heartedly believed either in the necessity of political violence or of the "dictatorship of the proletariat". Nor have I wanted to force others to believe as I believe (except perhaps out of desperation, vanity or loneliness). The moment you think deeply about violence and what it does to people it just makes your ideals absurd. Good intentions become ridiculous. What I wanted was to believe that I can have a better future, that we can make it better by our own efforts and that I have some degree of control over my life. I just wanted to believe something empowering that make me feel like I had some value and could make a difference and that my time on this earth would amount to something.
But the sort of environment that liberal or "free" socities have become makes that almost impossible. They value the ideavof the individual and yet loathe the real thing as too imperfect to be good or true. When your told by the media and politicans to be afriad of everything ranging from climate change, terrorism, crime, immigration, the stock market, unemployment, the creeping power of government, the erosion of online privacy, and all the other stuff- you reach a point where you know you're just being manipulated but you don't know by who or how. Its doesn't even matter whether its fake news or not as the effect is the same. You are not being informed by honest truth seekers or intelligent advocates who are capable of compromise and seeing another person's point of view. You are not being educated to empower you but are being starved of information to make you easier to control.
As far as I can tell the champions of individualism have only made us feel small, vunerable and then round us up like cattle to agree with one view or another depending on how well it serves their interests. They talk about liberty but then make you feel powerless to use it. And then they are shocked and appalled that there is a wave of extremism and populism coming from the right and the left. The endless torrent of moral outrage to serve the narcassistic vindication of small minds, trying to make the world small by narrowing their vision to fit with their partisan dogmas only devalues liberty as a humane ideal into the currency of manipulation. The worst thing about it is how they are using the language of freedom to convince us to give it up or make the world so unsafe that freedom could dissappear entirely.
I have to admit that I'd dump communism at the first oppurtunity if I saw something better come along as its capacity for atrocity is repulsive. That feels disloyal in a way but you should be loyal to people not principles as people matter more. there just isn't a space in free societies where you can hear yourself think. You don't hear the dreamers anymore- just partisan salesmen pushing fear as a marketing tool. The hopelessness and despair of "free" societies is toxic and I don't know what to do about it or how I fit in to this big hideously messy puzzle.
Having been on the fringes of extremism for many years, I can only watch others become as extreme with horror as people's vulerabilities are exploited to serve dictatorial ends. I can't and I don't want to reconcile with the nihilism of it. Until I can find something better or else solve its problems I'm still a communist but I really don't know where it leaves me. I had to make alot of mistakes to get to where I am but I can't tell if its a real mistake or just innocent human error. Freedom is a great idea and don't let anyone sell you short that you don't deserve it or can't handle it or that someone should have power over you. I hope people will come to their senses soon.
Anyway, I've reached a point where I know communism isn't a joke anymore because we've truly screwed up that much. These are extraordinary times we live in. Yet all the information I've got says it doesn't necessarily make people happy or heroic and courageous fighter for justice. They are still human and have all their imperfections to reconcile with. Maybe thats forgivable in the long run but there are some really dangerous illusions riding on it. I may come up with something but I'm less and less sure I'm going to like the outcome as time goes on. In one sense, I'm lost, but in other I've found what I was looking for. The hardest words in the english language are "I don't know". Its also hard finding the ways to let go of the poisonous and authoritarian need for certainty, if only to be seen to be right. So rather than pretend otherwise I just wanted to say: don't listen to the fear, don't be persauded to be something you're not in the name of absolutes, stay free and don't give up. There are worse things in the world than admitting you can get it wrong and can make mistakes. There's always tommorrow to try again.
Best wishes everyone.
I have never wholly heartedly believed either in the necessity of political violence or of the "dictatorship of the proletariat". Nor have I wanted to force others to believe as I believe (except perhaps out of desperation, vanity or loneliness). The moment you think deeply about violence and what it does to people it just makes your ideals absurd. Good intentions become ridiculous. What I wanted was to believe that I can have a better future, that we can make it better by our own efforts and that I have some degree of control over my life. I just wanted to believe something empowering that make me feel like I had some value and could make a difference and that my time on this earth would amount to something.
But the sort of environment that liberal or "free" socities have become makes that almost impossible. They value the ideavof the individual and yet loathe the real thing as too imperfect to be good or true. When your told by the media and politicans to be afriad of everything ranging from climate change, terrorism, crime, immigration, the stock market, unemployment, the creeping power of government, the erosion of online privacy, and all the other stuff- you reach a point where you know you're just being manipulated but you don't know by who or how. Its doesn't even matter whether its fake news or not as the effect is the same. You are not being informed by honest truth seekers or intelligent advocates who are capable of compromise and seeing another person's point of view. You are not being educated to empower you but are being starved of information to make you easier to control.
As far as I can tell the champions of individualism have only made us feel small, vunerable and then round us up like cattle to agree with one view or another depending on how well it serves their interests. They talk about liberty but then make you feel powerless to use it. And then they are shocked and appalled that there is a wave of extremism and populism coming from the right and the left. The endless torrent of moral outrage to serve the narcassistic vindication of small minds, trying to make the world small by narrowing their vision to fit with their partisan dogmas only devalues liberty as a humane ideal into the currency of manipulation. The worst thing about it is how they are using the language of freedom to convince us to give it up or make the world so unsafe that freedom could dissappear entirely.
I have to admit that I'd dump communism at the first oppurtunity if I saw something better come along as its capacity for atrocity is repulsive. That feels disloyal in a way but you should be loyal to people not principles as people matter more. there just isn't a space in free societies where you can hear yourself think. You don't hear the dreamers anymore- just partisan salesmen pushing fear as a marketing tool. The hopelessness and despair of "free" societies is toxic and I don't know what to do about it or how I fit in to this big hideously messy puzzle.
Having been on the fringes of extremism for many years, I can only watch others become as extreme with horror as people's vulerabilities are exploited to serve dictatorial ends. I can't and I don't want to reconcile with the nihilism of it. Until I can find something better or else solve its problems I'm still a communist but I really don't know where it leaves me. I had to make alot of mistakes to get to where I am but I can't tell if its a real mistake or just innocent human error. Freedom is a great idea and don't let anyone sell you short that you don't deserve it or can't handle it or that someone should have power over you. I hope people will come to their senses soon.
Anyway, I've reached a point where I know communism isn't a joke anymore because we've truly screwed up that much. These are extraordinary times we live in. Yet all the information I've got says it doesn't necessarily make people happy or heroic and courageous fighter for justice. They are still human and have all their imperfections to reconcile with. Maybe thats forgivable in the long run but there are some really dangerous illusions riding on it. I may come up with something but I'm less and less sure I'm going to like the outcome as time goes on. In one sense, I'm lost, but in other I've found what I was looking for. The hardest words in the english language are "I don't know". Its also hard finding the ways to let go of the poisonous and authoritarian need for certainty, if only to be seen to be right. So rather than pretend otherwise I just wanted to say: don't listen to the fear, don't be persauded to be something you're not in the name of absolutes, stay free and don't give up. There are worse things in the world than admitting you can get it wrong and can make mistakes. There's always tommorrow to try again.
Best wishes everyone.
