A rant about being a woman in a man's profession.

[Alceste]

So last year about this time I went back to working in film. I had tried this once before 20 years ago and was the only woman in my province working in my department of choice. The fact that it has been really busy and there are more women now, and I'm in a different province, convinced me to try again.

I've been pretty busy. Ups and downs, but that's life. The thing that sucks about this gig is that it's very often a day to day job. You find out at the end of today if you're working tomorrow, and sometimes the people doing the hiring are evasive about the whole subject and you have to ask.

So anyway, there are lots of female film lighting and rigging techs here. I know because I've met a few. But almost every crew I've been on, I've been the only woman. Also, if it gets to the end of the day and they have to cut someone and keep someone, nearly all of the crews I've worked on keep a man. Any man. One of them kept a man with no experience at all who lived in his van, screwed up all day long on his first day, was completely unfamiliar with the gear, and showed up the following day (the day I was cut) literally wearing a full body gorilla costume because it was the Friday before Halloween. When push came to shove, they kept that guy instead of me. That guy. The gorilla costume guy who lived in his van. It still boggles the mind.

So anyway, skip ahead to the present day, where word has kind of gotten out in the past year that I work hard, have my head screwed on straight, show up on time, know the gear, yada yada yada. And now I'm so busy I can pick and choose a little. I sometimes get several offers at once, and this past couple of weeks has been one of those times.

Last week, I was on a crew that was half women, and it was awesome. I felt completely at home. But I was still day calling, so I didn't know how long it would last. They'd kept me for 3 weeks, but not let me know whether I could expect to stay on. So I got another offer for a feature - 5 weeks - a bit more money, and I took it.

Now, the guy who hired me for the feature gave me weird vibes, which I ignored. Like, that sort of awkward, uncomfortable sex-starved vibe that sometimes emanates from middle aged bachelors with a drinking problem. He had been texting me for a while about helping me jump through the hoops in the union, with "wink wink" and other disturbing but passably incomprehensible gibberish attached.

He also texted me that he believes "every grip crew should have a woman on it." I took that to mean he's interested in proactively trying to counter the gender imbalance in this awesome job, which I love. Probably gonna open another post to keep ranting...

 

[Alceste]

OK, so this guy offers me a feature. Tells me it's full time, five weeks, better rates than the series I was working on, and he's been offering to help me get into the union for months. So I take that job and leave the only gender balanced crew I've ever worked on, entirely made up of lovely people who I really like and immediately regretted ditching.

Day one, I show up on set and see a tech I did a whole show with a couple months ago who I really hit it off with. I light up, run over and give him a big hug because I'm happy to see him. The guy who wants to "help me out, wink wink" is standing there and decides it must be hug time, so he goes in for a hug too. I've worked with that guy for one day. Barely know him. Plus he's my boss. Plus my friend and I are both happily married and the other guy stinks of lonely, middle aged drunken bachelor sexual desperation. So, ew, but the awkwardest hug in the history of hugs still occurs because I'm kind like that.

Right, so we start work. First up, I'm happy to see there's another woman on the crew. I think that's great, and we hit it off like a house on fire, though eventually it comes out that she doesn't really like the job, which is something that annoys me deeply for reasons I can't explain.

Next up, the head of the department says to me "So-and-so (the guy who hired me) never told me you were a girl". That's basically the end of that conversation, because really, what do you say to that? I'm a qualified, experienced, hard working person who showed up on time to do the job I was hired to do is how I see it. I don't know where genitals enter into the equation. I guess he sees it differently, but I can't be bothered to probe, nor can I risk it. Plus they've got another woman on the crew, so I decide not to understand why he made a point of mentioning that.

Right from the start, I notice that this crew, unlike the more gender balanced crew I left to work with them, has a certain culture I'm not comfortable with. Every time I step in to do something that I see needs doing, a man muscles me out of the way. The more interesting or difficult the task, the more likely it is that a man will literally tell me to shove off so he can do whatever it is I'm already doing, no matter how well I'm doing it. And, I get constant "training", which in this case means men - sometimes with far less experience than me - telling me things I already know at great length and in fabulous detail, as if I only started yesterday and know absolutely nothing at all.

Every suggestion I make is rejected. Every time the head of department sees me on set he sends me somewhere else to "stand by", IOW, do nothing.

Day two (yesterday), I'm thinking I've made a terrible mistake. I wanted to go back to my last crew, who told me after I took this job they wanted to keep me working full time at least until March, which is a Really Big Deal in this industry, but I had already signed up for this crappy feature and felt obliged to keep my word.

I began to notice yesterday that the department head, a man who is a great leader for people who need or like to be told exactly what to do and how to do it for 60+ hours a week, always assigns tasks to me and the other woman on the crew as a unit. As in "Men, let's all come this way and do some interesting work together, Alceste and Otherwoman, you two hold back, tidy up the gear and organize the truck".

Then it starts to dawn on me that when my boss texted that he thinks "every grip crew should have a woman on it", he literally meant A woman. ONE woman, to clean up after all the boys, because they're doing interesting work and can't be bothered to clean up after themselves.

'Nother post, methinks.

 

[Alceste]

Here's the thing. It is true, every crew really does need someone to keep the gear clean and in working order and make sure everything needed is where it should be, etc. (Ironically, the name of the person with managerial responsibility for that is "Best Boy", the title of the weird dude that hired me).

But every crew only needs ONE person who fills that niche. I'd stumbled onto a crew that has decided that tidying up and keeping the gear working and clean is Women's Work, so made sure they always had one woman around to do it. That's why having TWO women on the crew threw my department head into fits of confusion.

On reflection, I am thinking this might actually be a more common view than I thought. Given that there are many women in the industry now who do my job, why would it be that on every crew but one I've been the ONLY woman? Surely I should have crossed paths with others, just by chance. But no, 18 crews of 6 or more techs, and no other women but myself. On top of that, when I've been assigned specific tasks, it's nearly always been to organize the gear, clean stuff or do "arts and crafts" style projects like paper and gel cutting.

So anyway, by the end of day two, I'm starting to realize I've made a huge mistake. I should have listened to my gut telling me this dude that hired me was broken, and I should have stuck with the only crew I've worked with in 20 years that could accurately be described as gender blind. Also, on day 2 (yesterday), a stunt car crash gone wrong very nearly killed two camera people, which makes me reflect on my choices in an entirely different way. Not, "Do I want to work for these guys", but "Do I want to risk dying or becoming horrifically maimed for these guys?"

To go back to the start for a moment, I had turned down three other offers to do this job, all of which came from people I like, trust, and know better than this crew, all of whom see me as a "film tech" rather than a "girl film tech", and two of which would have been much better for my career than this particular gig. The only thing that held me back from ditching this crew for a better gig is that I have always been a person who does whatever I say I'm going to do, for better or worse.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Oh, dang. I hear you. Much love to you.

 

[Alceste]

OK, time to wrap it up. I've been working nights starting at 4PM right on the heels of working days starting at 7AM, so I'm a bit of a wreck. The days have been long (i.e. over 12 hours, which is normal). I can't sleep during the day very well, I'm just getting over a cold, and I just saw two camera people narrowly escape getting crushed by an out of control semi going 80kmph. So my emotional state can be pretty accurately described as "fragile".

Call sheets come out at the end of the day, listing the entire crew and what time they're expected to arrive the next day. The end of the day in this case being 5AM, today. I've been told twice by the creepy dude that I'm booked for the whole 5 weeks of the shoot, but I look at the call sheet and discover my name isn't on it. I don't know what to do. Is that a mistake, or am I simply not booked? Nobody told me a thing Did I just turn down THREE BETTER JOBS and screw myself out of a day of work when it's really busy, only to discover I'm not actually on for the whole show, but only on call? I ask the Best Boy, loudly, in front of the whole crew, "Just want to make sure you don't need me tomorrow, and this isn't a typo." He says "Oh, yeah, you have a day off tomorrow! It's just one day, I meant to talk to you about it!" I mention to whoever is standing beside me that I turned down other work for that gig and the unpaid day off is a complete surprise, make it pretty clear that I'm a little annoyed, but by the time I get in my car I'm flipping furious.

If you've read this far, congratulations. You deserve a prize. I mostly needed to get this crap off my chest. I'm still really upset. But the outcome is ideal. Since I was lied to and have no way of knowing whether I'm working or not until the last possible minute, I no longer feel obligated to do what I said I would do, which was the whole show. So I talked the crew I left for this gig into taking me back, starting tomorrow. And that should see me through until March. The outcome is ideal for me although the process of getting there was a *****, and I'm an emotional wreck because of it.

So, the question is, this nightmare manly macho crew is expecting me back tomorrow, although there's no way to be sure given the way yesterday went. Do I call him or text him now and tell him I'm booked to give him time to replace me? Or do I wait until the end of their shooting day for him to to tell me when I'm expected tomorrow, only to say "Oh, sorry, I'm already booked somewhere else - didn't know whether you needed me so I made other arrangements". I personally lean toward the latter because I'd like to surprise and inconvenience him in a similar way to the way I was surprised and inconvenienced myself.

If you're at this bit, thanks for reading. I needed to get that **** off my chest. Now I'm gonna get drunk.

 

[Alceste]

Oh, dang. I hear you. Much love to you.

Thanks sweetie. I appreciate it. I'm all teary today, don't know whether it's lack of sleep, the crap gig, thinking of what nearly happened to those camera people but thankfully didn't, the fact that another tech I know died last week (not on the job, but possibly the lifestyle played a part), and a security guy I may or may not know (I'm bad with names and know lots of people) died last month on the job, that another girl in the industry died on the job in LA recently, or if it's 20 years of struggling against machismo just to do a job I love and am good at. Or if it's guilt from breaking up with my dream crew for what turned out to be a far crappier crew, or all of the above. At this point, even though I'm relieved and delighted at the way it all worked out in the end, I'm still incredibly upset. The booze is helping.

 

[Buttercup]

Wow, what a story. Sorry for all the recent bs you've gone through.

I hope it felt better to ***** about it here. *clinks wine glasses with Alceste*

Ever thought about becoming a PA instead?

 

[Alceste]

Wow, what a story. Sorry for all the recent bs you've gone through.

I hope it felt better to ***** about it here. *clinks wine glasses with Alceste*

Ever thought about becoming a PA instead?

* reciprocal clink *.

No, PA's work longer doing boringer stuff for less money. The only word to describe that is awful. When I say I love my job, I mean I REALLY love my job. It totally suits me. MacGyver used to be my favourite show as a kid, and now I am a professional MacGyver. I love building things, rigging things, fixing things, shaping light, all the things I do. And I love the industry. Different challenges and locations every day, interesting characters, great money, and I'm always contributing to a massive team effort to tell a story. I like stories.

There are a lot of things I don't like, too, but over the course of the 20 years I've been nibbling away at this industry I've seen significant changes, at least in terms of gender. I've gone from a time where having a woman doing the job at all was completely unthinkable to a majority of men, to a time where a small minority of crews seem to like the idea of having ONE woman to do the tidying up. Tomorrow I go back to work with the one crew I've found in 20 years who doesn't bother considering your genitals at all, and as a result, runs with three women on a crew of six.

Edit: And I should mention, those particular women (two of them at least - the other is me) are smokin' good at the job. Better than anyone else I've seen, male or female. I'm honoured that they want me back.

 

[Alceste]

So I was gonna be vindictive and wait until the last possible moment to tell him I am not coming in tomorrow, just as he didn't bother to tell me AT ALL that I wasn't coming in today, but the pinot grigio and my better nature took over. I want him to have time to find a replacement, but I also want him to understand that I've ditched that gig due to his lack of communication as opposed to my inability to keep my word. Here's the exchange, for ***** and giggles.

Just after their crew call, I texted:

Me: "Hey, ___ name ___, FYI I am booked for tomorrow. Wasn't sure what your needs were going to be so I took another call. I'll keep you posted on my availability. Thanks!"

Him: "I said you only had one day off. Crap. I'll have to replace you for the day"

Me: "Sorry - I didn't mean to inconvenience you at all, I just wasn't sure if you needed me and I need to work full time. Visa demands it".

Him: "OK, sorry to hear that. There are a few days off for you but your on for most of the show if you still interested".

Me: "Thanks, but I was full time with [gender balanced show]. I left that for [crappy show], and also passed up an offer that would have gotten me into the union." (benefits and other perks).

Him: "Copy"

Me: "I can give you some numbers if you're looking for day calls and you don't want to go through the union. I've been collecting numbers of people who work hard and know what they're doing".

No more texts.

So, I'm extremely ****** and never want to work for this guy again but I didn't want to show it (because you never know - desperate times call for desperate measures). Did I succeed?

 

[MysticSang'ha]

So I was gonna be vindictive and wait until the last possible moment to tell him I am not coming in tomorrow, just as he didn't bother to tell me AT ALL that I wasn't coming in today, but the pinot grigio and my better nature took over. I want him to have time to find a replacement, but I also want him to understand that I've ditched that gig due to his lack of communication as opposed to my inability to keep my word. Here's the exchange, for ***** and giggles.

Just after their crew call, I texted:

Me: "Hey, ___ name ___, FYI I am booked for tomorrow. Wasn't sure what your needs were going to be so I took another call. I'll keep you posted on my availability. Thanks!"

Him: "I said you only had one day off. Crap. I'll have to replace you for the day"

Me: "Sorry - I didn't mean to inconvenience you at all, I just wasn't sure if you needed me and I need to work full time. Visa demands it".

Him: "OK, sorry to hear that. There are a few days off for you but your on for most of the show if you still interested".

Me: "Thanks, but I was full time with [gender balanced show]. I left that for [crappy show], and also passed up an offer that would have gotten me into the union." (benefits and other perks).

Him: "Copy"

Me: "I can give you some numbers if you're looking for day calls and you don't want to go through the union. I've been collecting numbers of people who work hard and know what they're doing".

No more texts.

So, I'm extremely ****** and never want to work for this guy again but I didn't want to show it (because you never know - desperate times call for desperate measures). Did I succeed?

That was ****ing beautiful. :yes:

 

[Buttercup]

So I was gonna be vindictive and wait until the last possible moment to tell him I am not coming in tomorrow, just as he didn't bother to tell me AT ALL that I wasn't coming in today, but the pinot grigio and my better nature took over. I want him to have time to find a replacement, but I also want him to understand that I've ditched that gig due to his lack of communication as opposed to my inability to keep my word. Here's the exchange, for ***** and giggles.

Just after their crew call, I texted:

Me: "Hey, ___ name ___, FYI I am booked for tomorrow. Wasn't sure what your needs were going to be so I took another call. I'll keep you posted on my availability. Thanks!"

Him: "I said you only had one day off. Crap. I'll have to replace you for the day"

Me: "Sorry - I didn't mean to inconvenience you at all, I just wasn't sure if you needed me and I need to work full time. Visa demands it".

Him: "OK, sorry to hear that. There are a few days off for you but your on for most of the show if you still interested".

Me: "Thanks, but I was full time with [gender balanced show]. I left that for [crappy show], and also passed up an offer that would have gotten me into the union." (benefits and other perks).

Him: "Copy"

Me: "I can give you some numbers if you're looking for day calls and you don't want to go through the union. I've been collecting numbers of people who work hard and know what they're doing".

No more texts.

So, I'm extremely ****** and never want to work for this guy again but I didn't want to show it (because you never know - desperate times call for desperate measures). Did I succeed?

Ha! That's great. Diplomatic, yet I think he gets the point that you're worth something. You definitely didn't burn any bridges. I hope there are better roads ahead for you.

 

[Alceste]

Ha! That's great. Diplomatic, yet I think he gets the point that you're worth something. You definitely didn't burn any bridges. I hope there are better roads ahead for you.

Yeah, I think I'm booked full time until March now. My first TV series show call!

 

[Aquitaine]

I'm glad you're no longer working for that crew, and have been accepted back into the one you love. You were also able to facilitate the transfer whilst being diplomatic - good on ya!

I hope you really enjoy your time with the genderblind crew and that it all goes well. :yes:

 

[Alceste]

I'm glad you're no longer working for that crew, and have been accepted back into the one you love. You were also able to facilitate the transfer whilst being diplomatic - good on ya!

I hope you really enjoy your time with the genderblind crew and that it all goes well. :yes:

I can't tell you how relieved I was to be coming to work here today. I have confirmed they do want to keep me until this series wraps at the end of the month, and I'm being considered for the series they start after that. Time to pull out my A game and make myself indispensable. Plus whip out the charm. Plus buy the best boy some beer for taking me back.

I've got this other issue I'm not sure how to deal with now though. One of the women here got a temporary promotion for two days and never got over it. She used to treat me as an equal but now she bosses me around too much for my taste, and criticizes me too often in a non constructive way. Sometimes even for her own mistakes. Ie, she has blamed me for them and given me a lecture. I've been trying to let it roll off, but damn it's irritating.

My gut feeling is that she now feels threatened by me somehow and feels compelled to knock me down a peg in the pecking order. I have a lot of experience and this is her first gig.

Any suggestions for dealing with that? At the moment, I'm being very nice and agreeable. I'm not reacting as if it's lectures and criticism, but as if she's offering ideas and suggestions. So, instead of "sorry" or "thanks for the grip lesson" I'm saying "That's a great idea, let's do it that way!" or "Yeah, I totally agree!" even when I know for a fact she's wrong.

I'm not totally sure whether that's going to **** her off more though. I intuit that what she really wants is for me to recognize her authority over me, although she doesn't actually have any, and that persistently reacting as her equal will make it worse.

 

[Aquitaine]

I can't tell you how relieved I was to be coming to work here today. I have confirmed they do want to keep me until this series wraps at the end of the month, and I'm being considered for the series they start after that. Time to pull out my A game and make myself indispensable. Plus whip out the charm. Plus buy the best boy some beer for taking me back.

I've got this other issue I'm not sure how to deal with now though. One of the women here got a temporary promotion for two days and never got over it. She used to treat me as an equal but now she bosses me around too much for my taste, and criticizes me too often in a non constructive way. Sometimes even for her own mistakes. Ie, she has blamed me for them and given me a lecture. I've been trying to let it roll off, but damn it's irritating.

My gut feeling is that she now feels threatened by me somehow and feels compelled to knock me down a peg in the pecking order. I have a lot of experience and this is her first gig.

Any suggestions for dealing with that? At the moment, I'm being very nice and agreeable. I'm not reacting as if it's lectures and criticism, but as if she's offering ideas and suggestions. So, instead of "sorry" or "thanks for the grip lesson" I'm saying "That's a great idea, let's do it that way!" or "Yeah, I totally agree!" even when I know for a fact she's wrong.

I'm not totally sure whether that's going to **** her off more though. I intuit that what she really wants is for me to recognize her authority over me, although she doesn't actually have any, and that persistently reacting as her equal will make it worse.

Hmmm, not sure if I'd be able to offer any advice on that one. Given that she's not above you, I'd probably go with what you've currently been doing (i.e treating her as such).

 

[Alceste]

Hmmm, not sure if I'd be able to offer any advice on that one. Given that she's not above you, I'd probably go with what you've currently been doing (i.e treating her as such).

Yeah, and maybe not taking it personally would be a good skill to develop too. This crew has been working 60+ hour work weeks with 5-6 hours sleep a night for 5 months without a break, and it won't let up for them until March. Everybody is overworked and sleep deprived. For many people in the industry, *****iness is a pretty regular companion. She might be one of those, and have nothing against me. I'm lucky in that sleep deprivation makes me a little euphoric, giggly, friendly and slightly clumsy. Although I have to admit, other people can be seriously annoying. I find people talk way too much for my taste.