Segev Moran
Well-Known Member
Hi,
First of all I am sorry to hear what you are telling.
First of all, I will start with this:
YOU ARE NOT CURSED!!!
That's the first thing you need to get out of your system!
Life is not against you (Although it might feel like that many times)...
I Can very much relate to your story as I have had similar situation with my brother.
I'll tell you in a short: My parents divorced when my brother was very young. The impact on him was devastating. We lived with my father as my mother was the one who left home to live with someone else.
My father, who was very hurt, didn't know how to deal with the situation and it seemed he took all his anger on my brother...
It wasn't a physical abuse of some sort but rather a neglect of my brother.
This was a hard time for me also, but I managed to "escape" this reality as I was barely home. What I didn't know at the time was that my brother was suffering all the time.
After a few years living in a very stressful environment, and absent of my mother in life, My brother quickly started using drugs as a way of escaping reality.
It is needless to say that things got even worse when that started.
My brother was in a same mental status as you are, He was desperate, He felt no one really loves him (Even though it wasn't true, but never the less, the feeling was genuine) and he spoke of ending his life as he saw no way out.
The only thing I could do, Was to try and find a way to help (Even though he was very mad at me as I left him to suffer in the bad situation we had at home)
So after a lot of attempts, a lot of people I spoke with, a Lot of information I was reading about the subject, I could only come up with the following:
1. Start by making a list of all the things you hate about your life. (No.. saying "Everything" is not a list). Be specific as you can...
It can be something like:
I Am alone
I Have no friends
I'm broke
I Have no Job
I Can't find Job
Everybody seems to hate me
People keep kicking me out of their life
I'm hungry
I'm depressed
I Can't find happiness
And so On... that list can be very long.. I Know.. But once you make a list, you can actually start having an understanding of what is the actuall things that make you feel as you do.
2. Next, Try to sort the list as a priority. Try and mark what are the most important things you think are making your life bad.
3. Breath.. Look at that list and go over each and every point in it. IT IS HARD! IT MIGHT LOOK DEPRESSING AT FIRST! But you have to stay strong.
You have to understand that the mere fact you made that list, is a step in the path to "Fix" your life and be happy (Even if it seems so far away right now)
4. Go over the list again, and write down the opposite of each point in the list: (Only to what is practical, Saying "I will win the lottery" is impractical for example)
I Have no Job -> I Have a Job that provides me a descent income
I'm broke -> I Have enough money to lead a good life
I Can't find a Job -> I Can find a Job very fast
I'm hungry -> I have food on my table
People keep kicking me out of their lives -> People are happy when I'm around them
I KNOW IT MIGHT SOUND STUPID! I KNOW YOU MIGHT THINK ITS A USELESS PROCESS!
But just for the sake of trying... Do it! You have got nothing to lose!!!!
5. Focus on each Goal (every opposite you wrote in your list is now a Goal in your life)
Write down as specific as you can be what are the things you think you can do in order to reach your goal.
It can be even small things that might not seem important but might get you closer to your goal even if just a little bit.
6. Focus on each Goal at a time... Don't try and solve your entire life in one swing!
You'll probably see that many goals are dependent of each other.. You have no money.. because you have no Job.. So you are hungry and so on...
So it is enough to solve one problem and it might bring you much closer to several Goals.
7. If you are stuck with a Goal, Try another one! Don't spend all your energy on something you can't seem to solve!
If you see you just can't seem to promote one of your goals, leave it and try a smaller Goal that relates to the subject!
8. Don't Give up! Your are going to war! and you must not give up until you win it! I Can tell you from experience, it gets easier as you advance with the list.
9. Seek help from people! I Know it doesn't always look like it but there are more people willing to help than you think! In every chance you have, find someone to talk to!
10. IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BAD! THROW IT AWAY!!!!
This is a very important thing! It is relevant to everything! If you talk to someone, and you only feel worse because of it, stop talking with Him or try and tell him that what he says makes you feel worse!
But be patient! Sometimes it is very hard to hear a truth until you realize that understanding this truth can change you life for the better!
For example, Try talking with your roommates.. Try to really understand why they kicked you off!
11. DON'T GET ANGRY! Even if someone tells you something you really really disagree with or think it is wrong, You need to hold it up and take only the good out of it!
For example, If you talk to your roommates and they tell you they kicked you out because they really don't like your personality.. Instead of being insulted, try to really find what it is they don't like about you! Maybe, they might have a point that you just missed?
I'll give you an example...
I am not someone that gets stressed over things.
I've never been and I guess it is something I developed so I could more easily cope with my childhood.
I've always seen it as a good thing!
My Mom (After years back) was diagnosed with Cancer.. I Took it very light. Not because It wasn't serious, because I see no point in getting stressed and sad over things that I cannot change.
My Mom, that was really shaken by the disease, was even more disturbed with me! I Couldn't understand why.. So I asked again and again until I could understand! She told me that it is a great thing I am not panicking or getting stressed.. But she also told me that I give her the feeling that I don't care! I Was really upset with that.. Because I really do care!
When I talked with other people in my life about it, suddenly almost everyone told me something similar.. That at times they find me really apathetic . It was not So! I Do care, and I do feel for and I do get sad and hurt.. But I wasn't aware that I was showing people I'm ok while they interpreted it as being "Cold" towards their problems.
So today, I know how to better show people that I don care (Even if sometimes I am forcing myself to show it) And I get much better reactions from people!
I'm not being stressed, I am not showing that I'm devastated about how bad their situation is.. I'm just making sure they Know I do care and feel for them.
What I am saying, Is that you might find that something that looks ok to you, might have a different impact on others and might be a cause for how people react to you.
I AM NOT SAYING PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS RIGHT! IT MIGHT BE SOME PEOPLE ARE JERKS AND YOU SHOULD TREAT THEM AS SUCH!
But try and be real with yourself and open minded and try and learn about yourself through others!
12. Breath again! Try and be positive! Say to yourself: I'm going to fight and make it! rather than "I Hate it and there is nothing I can do about it"
13. Let us know. If you posted in this forum, I assume you will get various reactions from people.. Use us.. This forum can be a great way for you to share you concerns.. There are great people here that can point you to the right way (There are people that can do the opposite, So always do what feels right for you!)
If you have a question.. Or you just want to share something, If you just want to "Unpack" you negativity here.. Just do it! do whatever makes you feel better!
Last word...
Taking your own life has no solution to nothing. It might seem to you like a way out.. but it is not! Good things can be just around the corner and you will look back and be so Glad you chose to fight and make it through!
If your dead, You'll miss out on amazing things that might happen to you!
Also, Sometimes.. You just need to play the game. I Know it might sound wrong or fake.. but it is as it is...
When I go to look for a Job, I am not showing my whole self straight out from the beginning.. I Play the game! I Show my best and minimize my worst!
Same goes for relationships.. At first we show our best and when time passes we gradually reveal the rest
I'm not saying hide who you are.. Just saying.. Play the game! Be who you are but be smart with how you show it!
I Wish you best of luck and would be happy to hear back from you
