Abstinence or Safe-Sex in schools? Your thoughts?

[Kathryn]

Abstinence is a religious moral and should not be promoted in non-religious schools.

There are reasons outside of religious reasons that people may choose abstinence. It's not a choice that is strictly religious - it's a legitimate lifestyle choice, whether temporary or permanent.

 

[Rainbow Mage]

It may be a choice, but that doesn't mean that it should be promoted or encouraged as better then having sex outside marriage, especially when most do it anyway, without protection of any kind.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Schools should teach comprehensive sex education. I said in another thread that is the most ethical mandate we can offer our children.

Neither abstinence nor sexual exploration should be encouraged or pushed. It's their bodies. But the facts should be taught about contraception use, the definition and statistics of STD's, and how pregnancy occurs, and dispelling ALL the myths, absolutely.

 

[Kathryn]

It may be a choice, but that doesn't mean that it should be promoted or encouraged as better then having sex outside marriage, especially when most do it anyway, without protection of any kind.

I've never said or believed that it should be taught INSTEAD OF comprehensive sex education. I believe, however, that it should be taught as a viable option and as part of comprehensive sex education.

 

[Rainbow Mage]

Why should it be taught as part of sex education? It has nothing to do with sex, rather it's a religious value that some religions promote. Let them teach abstinence at church and sex ed at school.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Why should it be taught as part of sex education? It has nothing to do with sex, rather it's a religious value that some religions promote. Let them teach abstinence at church and sex ed at school.

Actually, I think abstinence ought to be discussed in schools, too, since many teens who take purity pledges think they're abstaining from sex while engaging in some pretty kinky loopholes.

In effect, if they "abstain", what exactly are they abstaining from?

Hence, I endorse full comprehensive sex education in order to cover all these bases.

 

[*Anne*]

Actually, I think abstinence ought to be discussed in schools, too, since many teens who take purity pledges think they're abstaining from sex while engaging in some pretty kinky loopholes.

I agree.

 

[TheKnight]

It may be a choice, but that doesn't mean that it should be promoted or encouraged as better then having sex outside marriage, especially when most do it anyway, without protection of any kind.

It depends on the context in which it is being called better. If it's called better in terms of preventing STD's then it's a simple fact that abstinence is better at preventing STD's than sex outside of marriage. The best way to avoid an STD is to avoid sex.

Why should it be taught as part of sex education? It has nothing to do with sex, rather it's a religious value that some religions promote. Let them teach abstinence at church and sex ed at school.

In that case, why teach sex ed at school? Is it important to tell children about sex at all? Personally, I think it is important to educate children about the Anatomy and Physiology involved in the act of sex. That includes the perfectly legitimate and safe option of not having sex at all or limiting your sex to one partner in a monogamous relationship. Any argument you'd use to justify teaching sex ed can also be used to justify teaching of abstinence (not necessarily abstinence only) in school

 

[LuisDantas]

It depends on the context in which it is being called better. If it's called better in terms of preventing STD's then it's a simple fact that abstinence is better at preventing STD's than sex outside of marriage. The best way to avoid an STD is to avoid sex.

Abstinence is better at preventing STDs. But teaching abstinence is only helpful in preventing STDs if it is taught in an informative, honest way. I know this because I have met some of those people that Mystic Sangha mentioned, who end up looking for loopholes. I may assure you that they are not healthy loopholes, and certainly not of the kind that prevents STDs.

In that case, why teach sex ed at school? Is it important to tell children about sex at all?

It most certainly is, until and unless unplanned pregnancies, STDs and pointless shame, guilty and loss of confidence and of rapport with one's own parents cease to be undesirable.

Personally, I think it is important to educate children about the Anatomy and Physiology involved in the act of sex. That includes the perfectly legitimate and safe option of not having sex at all or limiting your sex to one partner in a monogamous relationship. Any argument you'd use to justify teaching sex ed can also be used to justify teaching of abstinence (not necessarily abstinence only) in school

I'll agree about the biology content. On the rest, well, not really.

The problem with abstinence, particularly when taught to children and young adults, is that it is so unlikely to actually happen that teaching without the clear implication that it is ok not to choose it ends up being destructive. It leads to risky sex, to lies and guilt, and even to enhanced risk of pregnancy and STD.

Youngsters are high on hormones and have an actual need to learn more about the world and to do so in ways that don't put them in too much trouble with their parents. Pressuring them into abstinence is a recipe for disaster.

 

[Kathryn]

Encouraging a kid to be responsible about sex, and to minimize his/her risky behaviors, by using various forms of protection OR abstinence seems to be the most reasonable route.

Telling kids the truth - that abstinence is the most effective way to avoid STDs and/ore pregnancy - doesn't mean that they are being pressured to be abstinent. Unless of course, hard truth equals pressure.

And there's a difference between pressuring and encouraging. I think we should encourage teens to be as responsible as possible regarding sex, and if a teen chooses to be abstinent then we should support that goal.

Honestly - if you have a fourteen year old daughter, would you rather her be abstinent or screw around?

 

[DeitySlayer]

Telling kids the truth - that abstinence is the most effective way to avoid STDs and/ore pregnancy

Much in the same way as not leaving your house is the best way to avoid being hit by a car. From my position as a teenager, it is hugely impractible to try and propose to teenagers not to have sex. Note that there is a difference between responsible sexual activity and promiscuity.

 

[Kathryn]

Much in the same way as not leaving your house is the best way to avoid being hit by a car. From my position as a teenager, it is hugely impractible to try and propose to teenagers not to have sex. Note that there is a difference between responsible sexual activity and promiscuity.

My point is this - that abstinence is a viable and mature, responsible alternative. It should be presented as such - ALONG WITH detailed information on birth control and safe sex practices.

 

[Kathryn]

My son in law is a very good looking guy. In high school and college he was a lifeguard and honor student, and dated regularly.

He's also an idealist and has firm religious values. He also is very intelligent and well read and has very strong convictions on many different subjects - societal and political as well as religious.

He decided as a teen that he would not have sex until he was married. And he didn't. He didn't have sex until the first night of his honeymoon with my daughter. Now - this wasn't a well known fact among people who knew them, and why? One reason is that, frankly, he was often ridiculed when people found out about this, rather than supported. He's also a private person who didn't feel the need to publicize his private beliefs about sex and his personal life. I wouldn't have even known this if my daughter hadn't pulled me aside and told me this a few months before the wedding.

They've been very happily married now for six years and they have FOUR kids together. Two are their biological children. One is my daughter's first child that she had before they were dating. And they have adopted a baby from Korea as well.

I'd say he's made up for lost time!

 

[LuisDantas]

Telling kids the truth - that abstinence is the most effective way to avoid STDs and/ore pregnancy - doesn't mean that they are being pressured to be abstinent. Unless of course, hard truth equals pressure.

It is all in the presentation, Kathryn. If you will allow me, I will say that you seem to have a privileged environment in the communication aspect. That is great and I see it worked fine for you.

However, let me present a scenario that while hypothetical is IMO all too realistic. I believe I've personally met it, in fact.

A couple has children. For some reason, possibly worry about their future material well-being, they are scared of as much as mentioning the possibility of one of them becoming pregnant (I've met women who never spoke about menstruation with their own mothers).

Such children don't lack only parental support. They are taught to feel fear and shame from actually being people with sex drives, since they realize that their parents feel to embarassed whenever the matter is brought up.

Still, they can't help but fell attracted to people and to sex. So they learn to hide it and to live with feelings of fear, guilt and shame that have little if any justification, but that nevertheless they simply don't know how to get rid of.

That in turn leads to hiding their attempts at understanding what sex is all about, and to even MORE guilt and shame. It is a vicious cycle that feeds upon itself.

Unless enough trust and emmotional support is otherwise established from some outside source, such an environment makes abstinence teachings quite destructive, at least if it is emphasized or somehow presented as being the "true" or "most moral" way to deal with their own sexualities. For that amounts to teaching them that they are defective people that ought to be ashamed of themselves by principle. They learn to hide their feelings and their doubts, and to feel hopelessly wanting in a way that they are only vaguely aware of.

And all too often, the main (or even only) release for all that bottled anxiety ends up their sexual lives, which they have by this point learned to keep as secret as they can possibly manage to. People actually convince themselves by the truckload that they must lie to their own parents for their own good. Sad thing is, that might even be true. But it is certainly destructive, and a major factor in the spread of exactly the kind of problems that abstinence teachings are supposedly expected to avoid.

I would like to know if you think I'm misuderstanding something in this scenario, which is admitedly hypothetical, but that I find to be probably very accurate.

 

[Kathryn]

Luis, I've stated repeatedly that I am NOT opposed to comprehensive sex education in public and private schools. In fact, I am supportive of it.

I know not all kids come from open, supportive home environments.

This still doesn't mean that abstinence shouldn't be presented as a viable option.

 

[*Anne*]

Luis, I've stated repeatedly that I am NOT opposed to comprehensive sex education in public and private schools. In fact, I am supportive of it.

I agree with your approach.

Despite having a very good education about sex, I chose abstinence anyway. It worked out wonderfully for me. I told guys I dated up front, and most of them were very cool about it. Two guys gave me a little trouble, which made it pretty easy for me to walk away. (It's an excellent filter.)

 

[LuisDantas]

Luis, I've stated repeatedly that I am NOT opposed to comprehensive sex education in public and private schools. In fact, I am supportive of it.

I know not all kids come from open, supportive home environments.

This still doesn't mean that abstinence shouldn't be presented as a viable option.

Certainly. I agree completely.

It's only that I'm wary of the consequences of such a teaching without the proper surrounding care and environment. It may easily prove disastrous - and IMO has already.

 

[Mr Cheese]

abstinence is cool....you get to wear a ring, fantasize over the jonas brothers
and practise anythign that doesnt involve a woman's hoo hoo

You can only get aids through cooties, right?

 

[MysticSang'ha]

abstinence is cool....you get to wear a ring, fantasize over the jonas brothers
and practise anythign that doesnt involve a woman's hoo hoo

You can only get aids through cooties, right?

LOL

That was my point earlier, Cheese, that kids who decide to abstain from sex understand what exactly are they abstaining from...just intercourse or all sexual genital contact?

A LOT of kids who take purity pledges still engage in the latter and claim virginity to please their elders.

For the record, I see nothing wrong with a teen and young adult who abstains from sex. I feel the same way about an adult who doesn't drink, or anybody who doesn't eat sugar or cholesterol-laden foods. It's their choice, and if it comes from their own conviction, I think it should be honored. But just like sugar, fettucine alfredo, a good bottle of Merlot, etc., sex is much better and safer when you know what you're getting into.

 

[Kathryn]

One can be very well educated about sex and still remain abstinent for a chosen time - whether it's weeks, months, or years. What's wrong with that?