Acceptance

[Quintessence]

A simple question for pontification: when we interact with other humans, do we have an obligation to accept others for who and what they are? If so, why? If not, in what situations do we not have this obligation?

-*-*-*-*-​

This thread may be ill-timed, and for that, I apologize. But in watching certain conversations lately, the thoughts strike me. I consider that a fundamental need that we all have is to be loved and accepted for who and what we are. Then I recognize that outside of some idealized fantasy land, one will never have love and acceptance from all people.

A harder question for pontification: how do we deal with that?

-*-*-*-*-​

We all pick our causes to fight, our battles to wage. When they are battles about acceptance, there is always an element of hypocrisy in them. Here we are, demanding that the other person accept us for who we are, all the while disrespecting their right to be who they are by rejecting us. We all crave acceptance, yet not everybody can be our friend or ally. Not everybody will like us. Where do we draw our lines? How do we deal with this? We can try to keep to our own kind, let others to their way and us to ours. But crossovers between tribes still happen, even if we try to isolate into our like-minded tribes.

There are no easy answers, no easy solutions. We make it up as we go along walking the path of life, through blood and tears, kisses and caresses, apologies and condemnations.

Maybe we can start by recognizing that we all just want to be loved? I don't know how the story ends. How do you want it to end?

(Pardon, this OP is more poetical stream of consciousness than my usual writing... so if this post doesn't make sense or is not very clear or doesn't have a clear discussion topic; I'm not sure what I want to discuss here. Just thoughts that needed to come out, I think.)

 

[savagewind]

Most people on the internet do not accept other people as they are so the truth is the second choice. I think humankind should be more accepting, but they just aren't.

 

[allfoak]

Empathy

 

[beenherebeforeagain]

A simple question for pontification: when we interact with other humans, do we have an obligation to accept others for who and what they are? If so, why? If not, in what situations do we not have this obligation?

-*-*-*-*-​

This thread may be ill-timed, and for that, I apologize. But in watching certain conversations lately, the thoughts strike me. I consider that a fundamental need that we all have is to be loved and accepted for who and what we are. Then I recognize that outside of some idealized fantasy land, one will never have love and acceptance from all people.

A harder question for pontification: how do we deal with that?

-*-*-*-*-​

We all pick our causes to fight, our battles to wage. When they are battles about acceptance, there is always an element of hypocrisy in them. Here we are, demanding that the other person accept us for who we are, all the while disrespecting their right to be who they are by rejecting us. We all crave acceptance, yet not everybody can be our friend or ally. Not everybody will like us. Where do we draw our lines? How do we deal with this? We can try to keep to our own kind, let others to their way and us to ours. But crossovers between tribes still happen, even if we try to isolate into our like-minded tribes.

There are no easy answers, no easy solutions. We make it up as we go along walking the path of life, through blood and tears, kisses and caresses, apologies and condemnations.

Maybe we can start by recognizing that we all just want to be loved? I don't know how the story ends. How do you want it to end?

(Pardon, this OP is more poetical stream of consciousness than my usual writing... so if this post doesn't make sense or is not very clear or doesn't have a clear discussion topic; I'm not sure what I want to discuss here. Just thoughts that needed to come out, I think.)

Leaving aside the term "obligation," for the time being, what exactly constitutes "acceptance" or "accepting" others?

For example, simple coexistence is fine with me, for the most part; most people I don't know, don't really want to know; I will treat them with politeness and courtesy (although I may yell at them while driving, in the privacy of my own car--I'm getting better about that...) if I have to interact with others, and I expect the same. Is that "acceptance?"

 

[savagewind]

Leaving aside the term "obligation," for the time being, what exactly constitutes "acceptance" or "accepting" others?

For example, simple coexistence is fine with me, for the most part; most people I don't know, don't really want to know; I will treat them with politeness and courtesy (although I may yell at them while driving, in the privacy of my own car--I'm getting better about that...) if I have to interact with others, and I expect the same. Is that "acceptance?"

I also wonder what it means.
I think on the internet it is very rare for an opinion to be "accepted" for consideration and discussion. I don't think it has ever happened to me.

 

[BSM1]

The only problem is that many people expect you to accept them for who they think they are.

 

[savagewind]

The only problem is that many people expect you to accept them for who they think they are.

Like you're doing? LOL
......like you know what people expect? I do not know that. How do you?

 

[Thana]

A simple question for pontification: when we interact with other humans, do we have an obligation to accept others for who and what they are? If so, why? If not, in what situations do we not have this obligation?

-*-*-*-*-​

This thread may be ill-timed, and for that, I apologize. But in watching certain conversations lately, the thoughts strike me. I consider that a fundamental need that we all have is to be loved and accepted for who and what we are. Then I recognize that outside of some idealized fantasy land, one will never have love and acceptance from all people.

A harder question for pontification: how do we deal with that?

-*-*-*-*-​

We all pick our causes to fight, our battles to wage. When they are battles about acceptance, there is always an element of hypocrisy in them. Here we are, demanding that the other person accept us for who we are, all the while disrespecting their right to be who they are by rejecting us. We all crave acceptance, yet not everybody can be our friend or ally. Not everybody will like us. Where do we draw our lines? How do we deal with this? We can try to keep to our own kind, let others to their way and us to ours. But crossovers between tribes still happen, even if we try to isolate into our like-minded tribes.

There are no easy answers, no easy solutions. We make it up as we go along walking the path of life, through blood and tears, kisses and caresses, apologies and condemnations.

Maybe we can start by recognizing that we all just want to be loved? I don't know how the story ends. How do you want it to end?

(Pardon, this OP is more poetical stream of consciousness than my usual writing... so if this post doesn't make sense or is not very clear or doesn't have a clear discussion topic; I'm not sure what I want to discuss here. Just thoughts that needed to come out, I think.)

Maybe recognizing that the most important thing in the world is not what people think of you?

 

[Quintessence]

Maybe recognizing that the most important thing in the world is not what people think of you?

Relationships with other human beings is often considered a very important thing, and it wouldn't surprise me if many consider it to be the most important thing. But what do you consider to be the most important thing?

 

[Thana]

Relationships with other human beings is often considered a very important thing, and it wouldn't surprise me if many consider it to be the most important thing. But what do you consider to be the most important thing?

Faith. Then perhaps art. Then philosophy, humanitarianism, environmentalism and then family. Honestly there are plenty of things more important than how people and/or the world perceives you.

 

[savagewind]

I care what Fred Rogers might think of me. I know he is dead but he is my brother. I love him and I know he loves me.

 

[savagewind]

Faith. Then perhaps art. Then philosophy, humanitarianism, environmentalism and then family. Honestly there are plenty of things more important than how people and/or the world perceives you.

I think faith for me is about what GOD thinks of me. I like to consider that god is a person.

 

[beenherebeforeagain]

Relationships with other human beings is often considered a very important thing, and it wouldn't surprise me if many consider it to be the most important thing. But what do you consider to be the most important thing?

well, yes, I think to most people, their relationships with some other humans, or other persons, would be most important, or at least very important. But that's not EVERY human--only those you are closest to--may or may not be family. And being important to you does not necessarily mean that it's reciprocated, acknowledged, or even possible (specially for people who have died, or even just moved on with their lives). And some might put their deity first.

 

[Unveiled Artist]

Short answer: Yes. Though the long answer, it isnt that simple, of course. Here are my thoughts.

We all crave acceptance, yet not everybody can be our friend or ally. Not everybody will like us.

Where do we draw our lines?
How do we deal with this?

We can try to keep to our own kind, let others to their way and us to ours. But crossovers between tribes still happen, even if we try to isolate into our like-minded tribes.

I wont make this a religious convo, and this helps with my point. I have a co-worker who is Christian. She says she accepts everyone regardless of what they are (rather than who): gay, differing religion, differing personality.

What bothered me is she accepts (tolerates, seems more the word) everyone else but she let go of a friendship because that friend was a Pagan (to her: practices witchcraft).

I use her an example because she is the only one I know that turned down a long lasting friendship based on a religion she was not familar of from her friends view but from her own.

1. Acceptence is a two way street (no one plays the victim card)
2. Drawing the lines to many just means tolerants not mutual respect of each others opinions
3. How do we deal with this?

A. By understanding ourselves by noticing we are playing the "victim" card on and offline.
B. By listening to each other with an active ear rather than a passive one
C. By accepting (different context) that we will have bias and learning how to direct our bias in a healthy manner

By understanding ourselves by noticing we are playing the "victim" card on and offline.

Not everyone will like us, you are right. Many of us crave acceptence and when we find our opinions etc are displaced, we think of the other person as the predictor and we are the victim.

Yet, think about this. If we are to ask for acceptence of another person, that comes with patience of knowing it does not happen overnight. We feel that acceptence is automatic and we are in control of our own bias; however, like my friend above, our bias is shaped by what we believe, raised, and/or adopted as our worldview or way of life. We can value or take up many opinions but at the end of the day either you have money to get that item or you dont. A lot of situations and worldviews there isnt a middle grown.

Acceptence comes with understanding that. The limit or line is understanding that we cannot change someone else to like us. Another point is we cannot expect someone to like us as if that is part of human nature and everyone should do it. No one has a ruler to tell us how others should behave towards.

1. The solution starts with us not the other person.

By listening to each other with an active ear rather than a passive one

I am the queen of this, not just because I have a seizure disorder and short attention span (which is a good excuse), but in general I get board easily. When we accept someone, we have to listen and understand their views, how they define themselves (not god not John smith), how they choose to turn left when 100 people out of that 1 turns right.

An active (and patient) ear lets one, if they want, analyze what the other said and reply in an objective manner (if thats the situation). Re-reading or rephrasing (which I do often) what another person says gains more understanding in what that person means by his statement not the words he says.

This is crucial. If you cant listen, how are you going to accept a person if only accept what You know about him or her not what that person knows about himself.

i.e. I know homosexuality is not about actions; yet, both my friends and half the people I know christian or not define it that way. Acceptence is explaining your views from their definition (when you listen to it) not trying to explain it from yours.

Acceptence starts with actively listening to what another person says or posts. I hear/read someone say "Homosexuality is a sin" I think he means orientation. I get offended. I dont accept his definition of the word. Once I realize his definition, it makes more sense. I can agree to disagree.

2. Acceptence starts with knowing when to draw your limits by agreeing to disagree without being tolerant of that other persons views.

By accepting (different context) that we will have bias and learning how to direct our bias in a healthy manner

We all have bias. If we stop making excuses for our bias then we learn about ourselves more. We can change who we are not the other person to handle our bias in a healthy way.

For example, there was a post couple weeks or so ago that, say John, said he was bias about black people and avoids them when around them.

That isnt acceptence and we should know our own limits in how we intereact with others. We dont have to accept Every person but John recognized he was not the victim and handled his bias in a healthy manner.

Where do we draw the line?

If we undertand ourselves as not playing the victim, listening rather than passive hearing, and accepting our bias, we know what we value and what our beliefs and morals are. We express them directly if need be (i.e. my co-worker told her other friend she would not go to her wedding because it was a gay wedding and she didnt believe in it).

Outside of not playing the victim, listening, and knowing and expressing our bias in a healthy manner, there isnt much one can do but accept people wont like us and change doesnt happen overnight.

 

[Jumi]

Everyone wants to be accepted. Trouble starts when they're not accepted, but attempts are made to mold them into who they're not by force. The more behaviors that aren't hurting anybody we can accept, the less troubled the world will be.

 

[Orbit]

People who are evil or pathologically mentally ill, like sociopaths or psychopaths, aren't entitled to be accepted for who they are if they behave antisocially. For everyone else, it's not up to me to judge their worth, but I will judge their actions.

 

[beenherebeforeagain]

Personally, I think that most of our relationships exist within our own minds anyway--we are born into a relationship with family, and agree to share space/time with others during life...but most of what happens is we share experiences, and we create "maps" of people, and of reality that include the people that are importance to us. there are lots of witty sayings about how people don't ever know each other, really, and the victory of hopes over reality and the like...

I tried to learn to become accepting...but just because I'm accepting in general doesn't mean I'll accept someone, anyone, at any particular place and time. Had a wonderful flight a couple of weeks ago, flirting with the woman I was sitting next to as we shared drinks and conversation. But there really is no room in my life right now for that to have gone anywhere than being what it was, two people sitting next to each other on an airplane for a short time.

Was I more accepting of the woman than I was of the man sitting to my other side (yeah, I had the middle seat...I hate flying...), with whom I only exchanged a handful of words? I would have been just fine if none of us had said more than a few words to each other, or if the three of us had engaged in a conversation together.

Sorry, still rambling.

 

[LuisDantas]

A simple question for pontification: when we interact with other humans, do we have an obligation to accept others for who and what they are? If so, why? If not, in what situations do we not have this obligation?

To a degree. We have a moral need, which we often neglect to everyone's (unequal) loss. That need is at least arguably a moral duty and an obligation, despite rarely being acknowledged as such.

Note that just because we have that obligation is does not follow that it will be easy or even possible to fulfill it, though.

(...)

I consider that a fundamental need that we all have is to be loved and accepted for who and what we are. Then I recognize that outside of some idealized fantasy land, one will never have love and acceptance from all people.

I agree. But we should accept that as a necessary goal.

A harder question for pontification: how do we deal with that?

With sober resignation, I think. There is a fairly permanent conflict between our desires for personal thriving and the security and fraternity that we actually need.

​

 

[savagewind]

With acceptance comes receiving. It is not about being ok sharing the same planet with someone. Acceptance is about consideration imo.

 

[SkylarHunter]

People have the right to be whatever brand of crazy/ rude/ obnoxious, stupid, etc, they want to be, but I also have the right to turn my back on them of they don't fit into my personal values.
I don't insult and I'm not aggressive to people who are unpleasant to me, I just avoid contact with them. Accept all people for who they are, sorry but I don't think so.