Advice needed...or support, or something.

[huajiro]

it may not be approriate and I understand love the sinner not the sin. I would urge you to seek some serius counseling. We all have skeletons but recognizing them doesn't mean giving into them. Our responsibility is to seek GODs face. What does HE say to you?

Good idea Bdkimmel61, standing_on_one_foot can have God tell his father. That will make it easier. As far as sin goes, I don't think not telling your father about your sexuality is a big sin.

 

[Ardhanariswar]

no, God is not a go between. it is much better for him to speak directly to his father. this is a relationship and they need to work it out. God helps you out and all, but you can only go so far.

youre a trans? wow. ive never met anyone like that. so ur not gay? hmm... you learn something new every day.

 

[Feathers in Hair]

As Scott said, I think you are incredibly brave, as it is. I know orientation is not a choice, but I still admire anyone who has struggled with aspects of themselves and is willing to accept the true answer, isn't if it isn't the 'easiest' path. Please let me know if it is okay to send you prayers/ healing energy/ good wishes.

 

[standing_on_one_foot]

Still not home...I'm actually feeling OK about this. Still scared, but I'm gonna go through with it, so heck, at least that stress is gone...

And as for counseling (serious, at that! none of this silly counseling for me), why yes, I am seeking it. My therapist is a nice person, as it happens. Fairly understanding, although I might need to find one who specializes more in gender issues. And as for God, He sent me an autographed photo and the message that I should do what I believe is right as long as I think it carefully through, consider my options, and am sure that I won't be hurting myself or others. Say what you will about Him, He is good about answering His fan mail.

(the above message was written with a great deal of respect for God and not quite as much for people who think I'm sinning by being myself--yeah, fully expected this coming out here, but I'm going to have fun replying, darn it )

 

[martha]

Hi beloved, standing on one foot,
Hey sweetheart...put the other foot down! Hello?!!
You can't stand on one foot forever, my dear.
You are loved no matter how scared you are. Forget about the fear and seek the love. There were so many understanding responses, to your post, but quite frankly I think some of the best answers were by The Voice of Reason.
Truly your father loves you and now is the time. We are with you no matter what beloved. We pray for you and think only good for you dear. We can't wait to hear how things are going with you.
Blessings of joy for you.

Joyfully in Jesus,
Martha

 

[Mystic]

If ten years from now my son told me he was gay (he's only 7 now), I would probably struggle with it...but still love him unconditionally.

I would rather that he grow up being a kind and compassionate person.

 

[huajiro]

no, God is not a go between. it is much better for him to speak directly to his father. this is a relationship and they need to work it out. God helps you out and all, but you can only go so far.

youre a trans? wow. ive never met anyone like that. so ur not gay? hmm... you learn something new every day.

I was making fun of the other comment

 

[Scott1]

If ten years from now my son told me he was gay (he's only 7 now), I would probably struggle with it...but still love him unconditionally.

I would rather that he grow up being a kind and compassionate person.

Gay people are not kind or compassionate..... :bonk: ??? I hope that's not what you meant.

 

[huajiro]

If ten years from now my son told me he was gay (he's only 7 now), I would probably struggle with it...but still love him unconditionally.

I would rather that he grow up being a kind and compassionate person.

I don't care what my son is, he is my son...I would fight against the whole world for him if I had to.

 

[standing_on_one_foot]

Just updating...that went about as well as expected. I wasn't worrying over nothing, but it's nothing too bad either.

 

[martha]

Hello beloved,
I am glad that you came to tell us how it went. It is too soon to tell what the outcome will be with your father. Give it some time. Share with us what happened if you want to.
I believe that G-d loves you with a Love that surpasses all human understanding. He created life in all of its forms. So how could He not love you, one of his most beautiful creations. Your father had a hand in your creation too and I am sure he loves you, no matter what may come.
Blessings and peace to you, beloved.

Joyfull,
Martha

 

[robtex]

Just updating...that went about as well as expected. I wasn't worrying over nothing, but it's nothing too bad either.

standing_on_one_foot glad you got that off your chest. Hope you are sleeping better now. It is nice to know we were collectivly needed for emotional support as a group. Thank you for that wonderful gift last week.

 

[firstsamuel]

I want to express a different side to this issue. Everyone seems to offer a supportive comment. I want to as well. But, I will tell you that it doesn't always go well when you tell your parents these things, so you should prepare yourself for rejection also. First I will tell you that I am gay. That way you know that I am speaking from experience. I came out to my parents later in my life. Around 35-40 years old. I'm sure that they must have known all along, but because of their desire to not believe this was the case they helped me to keep it from them. You know how it goes: "Don't tell me something I don't want to hear.". I spent most of my life involved in religion and denying my sexuality. I had a couple of whirlwind affairs that most people in my sphere never knew of. When I was forced into revealing my sexuality I lost many friends and the support of my church, but I did not lose my contact and support from God. I say that I was forced into revealing it because after so many years of trying to over-achieve to get people to like me in spite of my orientation( which was always figured out by associates after a time) I started to have panic attacks and insomnia. I went to Dr. after Dr. trying to find out what was wrong and eventually had to seek the help of a psychiatrist. After spilling out the truth, that Dr. told me that unless I changed my way of interacting with others I would not get better. In specific terms, if I didn't start being who I was and telling that to others, then there was no hope of relieving the stress that I was under. Reluctantly I began to practice her advice. My own parents didn't take it so well. Never-the-less, I had to prepare myself for the rejection of them as well as others in society. It wasn't easy. I didn't come through it unscathed either. But, as it turned out, my parents eventually accepted it and me. But, I know that they will never wholeheartedly support me in it. Oh, I forgot to mention that my dad is a preacher, and I was going to be a preacher, except..you can imagine the criticism I received. Of course I had to re-group.
The crux of the matter is in self-acceptance. I, myself, am not characteristically gay( I guess) and can easily pass as a heterosexual. Except I cannot date or otherwise involve myself in hetero relationships. But, the majority of people seem to be opposed to my orientation, whether or not I am involved with someone. I will tell you this, don't follow the path I took: trying to deceive people into thinking I was hetero. It only leads to more and more isolation and deception and self-hatred. Since I have accepted that I am homosexual and just as good( or better) a person as anyone else, and have decided to be more honest and truthful about what is going on behind my game face, I have made much better and deeper relationships with people who want to be friends with the real me. I also think that peole who openly reject me secretly admire me for my courage and honesty. Good luck to you.

 

[Sunstone]

That's a really good post, First Samuel. Frubals to you! I think what you said about being true to yourself and not hiding it from others applies to just about everything in life -- not just one's sexual orientation. When we continually hide something important about ourselves, it can make us emotionally sick.

 

[firstsamuel]

Thank you, Sunstone! I am a new member here. What exactly are frubals?
It is essential that at some point in your life you self-actualize: you actually become yourself ! Exposing yourself to ridicule is difficult, but the liberation is wonderful. And as I said already, people will admire you more for your honesty, even if they don't openly express it. This proverb is true- "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.". And it is important that everyone realizes that you are free to define your own pathway and that you are not limited to doing as others before you have done.

 

[Druidus]

Nicely done firstsamuel! Nice to have you aboard! Very good first post! :jiggy: Frubals are what people give you when they think you have made a good post. Some people also call it "karma". You can find your "Frubal-o-Meter" in the upper right part of any post you make. Right now, you have 26 frubals, I think, but that will go up, as I'm giving you some now.

Welcome to the forums! Have you made an introduction post yet?

 

[firstsamuel]

Well, thanks a lot for the kindness. I haven't yet made an introductory post, no. I did start a thread on STD's compared to Biblical plagues on the debates forum. I'll try to get around to the other. Take care.