Announcement of Presidential Candidacy

[Brickjectivity]

1. All gun owners will need to go through an education program which is applicable to the broad category of weapon they are seeking to own. This will focus on responsible use, safety, and legal responsibilities and rights. Some broad examples of the sort of programs we'd be running are;
a. Responsible use and storage of handguns, which we will get local authorities to run.
b. Effective handling and legal responsibilities of long barrel weapon ownership, which we will get local hunting clubs to run.
c. Where the heck are my WMDs?, which focuses on the safe storage of more substantial weapons, run by Colin Powell

Somewhat effective.

2. In order to discourage the use of weapons as accessories, and so-called 'tacticool' fashion statements, all weapons larger than .22 calibre will be painted pink, and be kept in a fluffy holster. The sole exception to this rule is for anyone with a Barbie fetish. Their weapons will instead be painted in traditional plaid. All bullet proof armour, other kevlar products, and laser sights will have one of the following messages imprinted on them;
a. Real men drink soy
b. I need this because ducks are scary, man...
c. I feel bigger already

This will merely popularize pink, soy products and other things which are currently unpopular. Before long the fashion will be to stuff the front of one's slacks with balled up paper. Its happened before (in France). It was a long time ago, just before the poorer classes rose up to kill anyone with stuffed slacks.

3. All Hollywood movies will be measured to ensure there is less gun-based action, and more alternative action. This will be colloquially known as the 'Make Love not War' rule, and will apply to all shows and all forms of gun violence. Admittedly we are working out some of the kinks with this plan. A trial run recut of the X-Men suddenly generated 'The X-Rated Men', and I really would prefer not to mention what happened to Wolverine's claws. Suffice to say, this one is under review.

This would be effective, however it would lead to massive protest, a new class of criminals who watched illegal films. It might be easier to turn control of this country over to the Ayatollah Khomeini.

 

[Brickjectivity]

There is no country called "America".

Technically it is two continents connected by a narrow isthmus. It is shaped a little like an hourglass that decided it wanted to be an amoeba. The isthmus is like a strand of hot cheese. The northern continent is shaped somewhat like a duck, and the southern continent is shaped a bit like a sharp piece of glass. You can swim between the two continents, but that is not recommended. Take the isthmus instead.

 

[Shaul]

FEC rules don't allow candidates to be staff members of web sites. You must immediately cancel your RF account. Sorry about that.

 

[Shaul]

There is no country called "America".

If the country with the biggest, baddest military says there is, then there is. Wanna make something of it?

 

[lewisnotmiller]

FEC rules don't allow candidates to be staff members of web sites. You must immediately cancel your RF account. Sorry about that.

They don't allow candidates to be random Australians either. Which is pretty smart of them. Still, I'm trying to take us into a post-rules era, at least when there is a chance for it to benefit me.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

If the country with the biggest, baddest military says there is, then there is. Wanna make something of it?

I'm looking for a Secretary of Defence after my landslide election victory. You up for it?

 

[lewisnotmiller]

Somewhat effective.

This will merely popularize pink, soy products and other things which are currently unpopular. Before long the fashion will be to stuff the front of one's slacks with balled up paper. Its happened before (in France). It was a long time ago, just before the poorer classes rose up to kill anyone with stuffed slacks.

Hmm...so I think what you're saying is I should trademark pink paint and slacks stuffers before implementing this rule.
So noted.

I can feel my coffers filling up already.




Sorry, I mean our coffers, obviously. I'm totally in this for the everyman.

This would be effective, however it would lead to massive protest, a new class of criminals who watched illegal films. It might be easier to turn control of this country over to the Ayatollah Khomeini.

I'm fine with people partaking in illegal activities and watching violent movies.
People will want to be edgy. It just gets tricky for them when there are no rules. One minute they want to snack before dinner, or stay up past their bedtime. The next minute it's human trafficking.

The recalcitrants in my new America will be too busy trying to get bootleg copies of Danger Mouse to be bothered getting involved with the underground slave trade. Just amazes me no-one has realised this previously.

 

[Stonetree]

I propose reflexive voting. We will elect your officials, and you elect our officials. That should help to shake things up. Another option is to add in a few other countries forming a circle. For example we elect your officials, you elect Canada's, and then we all ignore Canada.

That's easy enough.....

 

[Stonetree]

Hmm...so I think what you're saying is I should trademark pink paint and slacks stuffers before implementing this rule.
So noted.

I can feel my coffers filling up already.




Sorry, I mean our coffers, obviously. I'm totally in this for the everyman.

I'm fine with people partaking in illegal activities and watching violent movies.
People will want to be edgy. It just gets tricky for them when there are no rules. One minute they want to snack before dinner, or stay up past their bedtime. The next minute it's human trafficking.

The recalcitrants in my new America will be too busy trying to get bootleg copies of Danger Mouse to be bothered getting involved with the underground slave trade. Just amazes me no-one has realised this previously.

You have got to get out, more..

 

[Shaul]

I'm looking for a Secretary of Defence after my landslide election victory. You up for it?

Sorry but I spell defense correctly.

 

[Brickjectivity]

Hmm...so I think what you're saying is I should trademark pink paint and slacks stuffers before implementing this rule.
So noted.

I can feel my coffers filling up already.




Sorry, I mean our coffers, obviously. I'm totally in this for the everyman.

Be sure to also invest in providers of pink silicon dye, and consider stockpiling it. If things go the way that I think they will, then it will be used in the next generation of US dollar bills.

I'm fine with people partaking in illegal activities and watching violent movies.

Provided they don't break any of RF's rules, right?

The recalcitrants in my new America will be too busy trying to get bootleg copies of Danger Mouse to be bothered getting involved with the underground slave trade. Just amazes me no-one has realised this previously.

As long as nobody tries to make a scooby-doo danger-mouse combination cartoon, which they might. Such producers must be sent to the Hague.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

Sorry but I spell defense correctly.

I'm sure I mentioned we were going to institute British English, as well as the metric system...ahem...