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Are We Quicker to Condemn People on the Internet than in Real Life?

Axe Elf

Prophet
No, as I tried to make clear in the OP, I'm talking of "condemning" someone in the sense of "wholly condemning" them -- not just criticizing some aspect of them.

Well, like I said, that's what I mean too--short of "condemning them" to hell or something; my condemnation is still stronger than mere criticism. But I would be done with them, yes. Someone I have condemned would no longer be worth my time to criticize.
 

Drizzt Do'Urden

Deistic Drow Elf
But isn't that criticizing some aspect of them -- their deluded nature -- rather than wholly condemning them?

Sure, it's just one aspect of their lives in which they're deluded, but if I were to call you deluded about this topic, you're wholly deluded and I'm wholly condemning you as such about this topic? ;-)
 

Stevicus

Veteran Member
Staff member
Premium Member
In general, do you think people on the internet are more likely to wholly condemn others for one or two flaws than people offline?

I believe I have noticed over the years I've been online that condemning people -- not merely criticizing, but condemning them -- on the basis of one or a few flaws is something almost to be expected on the internet, and yet is comparatively rare offline (perhaps with the exception of politicians, celebrities, and strangers).

At any rate, if such be the case, I think it's something we should think about because it is dehumanizing to expect people to be perfect.

It might be analogous to driving on a highway or city streets. I've often heard that when people are behind the wheel of a car, more of their inner personality starts to come out. It's different if we're talking to someone in person, as we might put out the glad hand or show a more friendly "front." But anonymous strangers in cars are a different matter. They're easier to dismiss since you'll likely never see them again, and they won't know who you are either.

It might be similar on the internet, where people are anonymous and can let their inner personality and character come out.

When I first got online and started interacting with different personality types, it struck me that I was conversing with people whom I probably never would have met or had much to do with in real life. In real life, I would socialize and converse with people who had similar interests, backgrounds, and personality types within my own regional sub-culture.

If I came across someone who seemed loud, boisterous, obnoxious, rude, irritating, or otherwise unpleasant or incompatible with my personality type, I probably wouldn't spend much time conversing with such a person. And usually, you can figure that out pretty quickly when dealing with someone face to face. (And if it's someone from Arizona, then I can generally understand where they're coming from much more easily than if they're from somewhere else.)

It's not as easy to pick up on these various nuances when dealing with someone online.

I don't know if "condemn" is the word I would use to describe it. On the internet, I find that I converse with people over topics I wouldn't ordinarily spend much time discussing with others I know in real life, except for a few close friends. If I got into an argument with someone in real life, I might try to work it out with the person (if it was someone I cared about) or I might just say "screw it" and walk away. But I wouldn't spend that much time arguing back and forth. I wouldn't necessarily condemn anyone, but I might be inclined to dismiss them or simply avoid them. (Although I might be more forgiving if I could tell if someone was drunk or perhaps not quite right in the head, but again, that's not always that easy to tell over the internet.)

It does sometimes seem absurd whenever there are flame wars over the internet. Arguments and insults abound, but what's funny is whenever one or both parties are trying to demean and denigrate their opposition by suggesting that they're possibly mentally ill, unstable, living in their mother's basement - basically a worthless individual with no life.

The ironic thing about that is, if they really believe that they're arguing with a crazy person, then why are they arguing with a crazy person? This is oftentimes after the "condemnation" has taken place, and yet, they're still endlessly arguing with someone they've already condemned as being stupid, insane, and/or worthless. Do people do that in real life? Would anyone see a PhD from Harvard arguing on the street with a lunatic living in a cardboard box? Probably not. But we see it on the internet all the time.

It does seem rather strange at times.

As for condemnation, this is how it usually goes:


Matthias: You are discarded. You are the refuse of the past.
Neville: You are full of crap!
 

Sunstone

De Diablo Del Fora
Premium Member
At the risk of sidetracking the thread, sure. Note, this is kinda rambly, and I could give examples in different spheres (work/family/etc). But let's run with this to start...

This is all incremental, but I was a fairly naieve boy when I went to Uni. One of those kids everyone said was mature, but in truth I knew very little about the world. Just how to act, I guess. I came from a working class background, but had a stable home life. I wasn't an immigrant, a woman, an aboriginal, directly effected by drugs. I was 'normal' (Hah!! Seems a weird concept now) and felt sorry for those less fortunate than me, whilst also figured there were lucky people born to wealth who didn't have it as tough as me.

Over time I became a little harder than my left-leaning Uni self. Politically I slid more to the centre, as I had more to lose, and had worked my way up economically. Pretty cliche, but there's a reason for that.

I also saw true poverty in a global (rather than first world) sense, and saw situations where people had no support or chance to improve themselves. That's confronting and tough to deal with. I also realised real whether I was sorry or not mattered little, apart from at a very low/personal level, and even then less than we'd care to believe.

That's not as much the case in Australia, so in some ways I became harder when I came home. It's difficult to see homelessness here (for example), realise that many people have options and are choosing homelessness (is how I saw it), and not feel a little jaded at the large amount of tax going to welfare.

Personally, I think our society doesn't do anywhere near enough to help people improve their own situation. Free education seems a worthwhile investment that would meaningfully help kids in poor socio-economic situations, as would school breakfast programs, cheaper child care, etc. Straight out welfare is a more neccessary evil than good thing.

Regardless, somewhere along the line I stopped connecting the individual in front of me with the pattern or stereotype in general.

After all, I'm a white, middle class male who wears a suit, travels for work, like sports and beer. I know darn well I'm not typical, but from a distance I'd sure appear to be.

So that homeless person? I know nothing of their tale, and I know more than enough real stories now to know they run the full gamut. Drug addiction can be both cause and symptom. Mental illness. Abuse by others. Abuse by self.

Who am I to judge? Have I walked a mile? Heck, a metre?
At the same time, feeling sorry for that person, or even handing them $20...is there a point? Am I trying to assuage guilt? Where does that come from?

Now I just give money to groups I think can better allocate and use it rather than the person before me. Some would see that as dodging responsibility, and to an extent that's true. But the hardness comes from me not caring about appearances. There is a pragmatism I didn't have in my youth, even whilst I am much more tolerant and open-minded about differences.

Hmmm...that's a start. Feel free to ask away, though. It's somewhat cathartic.

I'd love to continue this conversation, Dave, as you have some fascinating things to say, but I think it would be best to do so in a new thread. I wouldn't mind at all if you copied this post as your OP. Are you willing to start the thread, or should I?
 

Epic Beard Man

Bearded Philosopher
In general, do you think people on the internet are more likely to wholly condemn others for one or two flaws than people offline?

I believe I have noticed over the years I've been online that condemning people -- not merely criticizing, but condemning them -- on the basis of one or a few flaws is something almost to be expected on the internet, and yet is comparatively rare offline (perhaps with the exception of politicians, celebrities, and strangers).

At any rate, if such be the case, I think it's something we should think about because it is dehumanizing to expect people to be perfect.

Yes. The internet is unforgiving when it comes to critiquing people
 

Debater Slayer

Vipassana
Staff member
Premium Member
In general, do you think people on the internet are more likely to wholly condemn others for one or two flaws than people offline?

I believe I have noticed over the years I've been online that condemning people -- not merely criticizing, but condemning them -- on the basis of one or a few flaws is something almost to be expected on the internet, and yet is comparatively rare offline (perhaps with the exception of politicians, celebrities, and strangers).

At any rate, if such be the case, I think it's something we should think about because it is dehumanizing to expect people to be perfect.

I think the lack of verbal cues and body language online greatly enables dehumanization of others rather than merely criticizing some aspects of how they come across. The main thing about expressing ideas on a forum like this is that short of using smileys, a lot of the time words come across as far more confrontational than they actually are (and smileys don't fully make up for lack of verbal cues and body language either).

Sometimes I can't help but remind myself that if my three or four closest offline friends were on RF and I didn't know who they were, I'd probably have some fierce debates with them. But when we hang out together in person and see beyond pure expression of ideas—as would be the case with text on an Internet forum—what would be a heated online debate becomes a relaxed conversation during a friendly night out.
 

Srivijaya

Active Member
In general, do you think people on the internet are more likely to wholly condemn others for one or two flaws than people offline?

I believe I have noticed over the years I've been online that condemning people -- not merely criticizing, but condemning them -- on the basis of one or a few flaws is something almost to be expected on the internet, and yet is comparatively rare offline (perhaps with the exception of politicians, celebrities, and strangers).

At any rate, if such be the case, I think it's something we should think about because it is dehumanizing to expect people to be perfect.
1. A person online can't punch you in the face.
2. We only get to see one aspect of an online 'person', which can be some kind of odious view with which we disagree. The same person in real life could be a kind and considerate individual whom we would like.
The same process can happen in reverse. We accept a friendship request from some nice person we know in meatspace and then are appalled at what they write on their feed.

I'm always amazed when I encounter such disconnects though.
 

Sunstone

De Diablo Del Fora
Premium Member
Just because people don't air their nasty thoughts in real life, doesn't mean they don't still think them.

That may be true, but how would we know if it were true? I think I myself am more understanding and tolerant of people I know face to face than I am of people I only know on the net, but perhaps that's just me.

Then again, I know that some folks are hyper-critical by nature.
 

Araceli Cianna

Active Member
That may be true, but how would we know if it were true? I think I myself am more understanding and tolerant of people I know face to face than I am of people I only know on the net, but perhaps that's just me.

Then again, I know that some folks are hyper-critical by nature.

We wouldn't, I would consider myself a nice person all round but I think online I can sometimes be a bit more straight up which sometimes comes across as rude. I think the problem is the lack of non-verbal communication, you can't really tell what someone's writing really means and so misinterpretation frequently happens.
 

Amani_Bhava

Member
In general, do you think people on the internet are more likely to wholly condemn others for one or two flaws than people offline?

I believe I have noticed over the years I've been online that condemning people -- not merely criticizing, but condemning them -- on the basis of one or a few flaws is something almost to be expected on the internet, and yet is comparatively rare offline (perhaps with the exception of politicians, celebrities, and strangers).

At any rate, if such be the case, I think it's something we should think about because it is dehumanizing to expect people to be perfect.

In an internet forum it is rare to have an useful discussion because one is allowed endless rebuttals stretching across days, weeks and even years!! I am member of such a forum. Forums dealing in tech advice (can this GPU run on 500 watts type of question) are an exception.

This does not happen in real life. If someone disagrees with me in real life .. after the first round I will not revisit the topic because I do not like my equanimity to be disturbed by endless to and fro.

In a real debate one is not allowed endless rebuttals but has to present one's point succinctly and correctly in one attempt.

I wish one could have a forum which is like Quora. One answer only. No rebuttals.

My internet personality is polar opposite of my actual one.

namaste

A_B
 

SalixIncendium

अहं ब्रह्मास्मि
Staff member
Premium Member
In general, do you think people on the internet are more likely to wholly condemn others for one or two flaws than people offline?

I believe I have noticed over the years I've been online that condemning people -- not merely criticizing, but condemning them -- on the basis of one or a few flaws is something almost to be expected on the internet, and yet is comparatively rare offline (perhaps with the exception of politicians, celebrities, and strangers).

At any rate, if such be the case, I think it's something we should think about because it is dehumanizing to expect people to be perfect.

I think people in general are more likely to say what they are really thinking on the internet, as they feel a sense of anonymity in the comfort of being hidden behind computer monitor. I believe they are less outspoken of condemnation IRL for fear of being judged by people they interact or associate with offline.
 

Mock Turtle

Oh my, did I say that!
Premium Member
As mentioned, the nuances of comments are often lost unless they are explicitly accompanied by smilies and such, which is why I tend to do more than many perhaps - I like to get my point across with appropriate emphasis and intent. I suppose one problem is that it is likely that the internet population tends to be on the younger side, but not here of course :oops:, such that many will be more aggressive than they might be in public life, or with their friends, because they might be less aware of the impact from their comments.

I do believe that many are quicker to condemn others online, perhaps because they feel much more free to express themselves than they might be in public life, and they might feel there are no repercussions for doing so. Anonymity obviously influences this too.
 

Revoltingest

Pragmatic Libertarian
Premium Member
I'm quicker to condemn people in real life.
It's easier because I get a more complete picture sooner.

Think of the implications....what you see of me here is me at my best.
 

Vinayaka

devotee
Premium Member
I think it's the opposite for me. I judge people by sight first--how they look, how they act--long before I hear them attempt to establish an rational argument. If their pants are sagging, or they just sped up in the outside line only to cut me off and then go slower than me in MY lane, I wouldn't even be interested in hearing them try--they're just condemned.

Online, I tend to give people more of a benefit of the doubt. I mean, they're on a forum, so they can read, and are choosing to do something that has to do with words, rather than posting selfies or surfing porn, so there's at least the potential to be able to form rational arguments there, and I guess I assume it until they say something like:

1. God said we would be hated for telling the truth.
2. I am hated.
3. Therefore, I must be telling the truth.

And then they're condemned. But getting to that point in real life is usually a longer journey--and a more likely outcome,
I think I'm the same. I've had long conversations with people on-line, whereas if I met the same conversation in real life, I most likely would get up and walk away. In real life the disagreements would be easier to see, and decipher. Here, all we have to see is words on a screen. In real life there is volume, tone, facial expressions, other body language, and more.
 
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