Are you living the life you want?

[SalixIncendium]

Hell, no. I'm not living the life I want. I hate my stupid job working for a corrupt greedy corporation where the managers are breaking all kinds of rules and having inappropriate relationships, and they work you like a dog (to start with my complaints about that dump). I hate my apartment building that is run by some corrupt organization that allows a violent psycho to get away with abusing the other tenants and even having the SWAT called on for his ***. I hate that I'm poor and struggling but surrounded by oblivious, obnoxious rich idiots who have no idea what it's like to struggle to survive in this world, while they drive their $100,000 cars to and from their multimillion dollar homes, etc. and still think they have the right to look down on people like me.

I could go on but it doesn't matter.

Who is it that is accountable for this? What are you doing to fix this? Who, besides you, can help?

 

[Truthseeker]

However, I believe that free will is very limited and much of what happens in life is preordained by God. What do you think?

Free will is more limited for some than others, I believe. If you've suffered really bad trauma, it is so hard to climb out of that. If your brain is structured in a certain way, it's hard to change. I'm especially thinking about my son Michael when I say the latter. I find it hard for me to change too at age 70, set in my ways. It's easier to change when you're a child, or for a parent to change a child.

If I sound somewhat conflicted that is because I am. I want to love God and follow the teachings of Jesus and Baha’u’llah but another part of me wants nothing to do with God or religion owing to a lot of hurt they have caused me. However, it is not as if I love the worldly things of this life either, but since everyone else seems to love worldly things, I feel very much alone.

I wonder why you don't love worldly things? Have you wondered that yourself? Is it because the world doesn't satisfy you?

 

[Trailblazer]

This to me becomes a very subtle and complex question for me based on my life. In some situations the answer was yes and sometimes apparently no. One work decision I made appeared to be utterly wrong and led to me being fired. I was told later that I had to make that choice to balance karma from a previous life. So, yes, I was guided in that situation but it did not seem so at the time.

Looking back, I remember a major decision I made regarding work that I later regretted. That was when I decided to resign from a federal job I had for 10 years to go back to school and get a second MA degree in counseling psychology. That extended out the time I could retire out 10 years but at the time I did not think about that as I just wanted to go back to school.

At that time I thought I wanted to be a counselor but it never worked out for various reasons. However, within a few months of quitting my federal job I procured a state job in the same field in order to work my way through grad school and I remained in that job ever since. I now have 44 years working for the federal and state government. I could have retired three years ago but I don't really want to retire so what I was regretting a long time ago never turned out to be an issue. I took what was in my federal retirement account and got a Roth IRA so I ended up with a lot of money that can be used in retirement if I never need it. Would I have retires=d much sooner if I had stayed with the feds? Only God knows, but obviously that was not meant to be.

As an aside, if I ever do retire I can use my counseling degree to work part time although I do not need the money so it would just be because I want to help people.

As I told my boss this week, I have never been fired from a job in my whole life, I always left voluntarily, so looking at being fired simply because I will not comply with the state employee vaccination mandate is very disconcerting to say the least. Of course if faced with that choice I could choose to retire rather than being fired, but there is a good chance I will not be faced with the choice since I am seeking an accommodation through my counselor.

That might be the experience of what is called the "void" or "dark night" in spiritual literature. I'm not sure if this is your state or not, but if it is, maybe it will help:

A man sits
by a tomb,
head bowed,
lost in thought.

Tears
at a life ended.
No where to go,
nothing to do.

Former joy
is now ashes.
Former life
is now silent.

Surrendering,
he merges
with the cold, still earth.

Dawn's mist
invokes quiet and peace.
Existence is an eternity
of patient waiting.

Slowly felt:
dawn's earth warming light.

From the tomb,
a seed opens;
a flower begins
its slow sunward journey.

It is not quite that bad but thanks for the poem. As I indicated in my OP I can use all the help I can get and it is not as if my work situation is the only problem I am facing. Many other issues have been on hold for many years and now they are all coming down on me like a building that is collapsing.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Who is it that is accountable for this? What are you doing to fix this? Who, besides you, can help?

I'm helping myself. You can't count on others. Most people don't really care, anyway. It's just me and my caseworker.

 

[Truthseeker]

It's a difficult question indeed. I haven't touched Abrahamic religion in the last couple of years due to feeling what it could offer me personally, as not outweighing the negative things I may experience as part of being Abrahamic. It may sound selfish, but being transgender and Democrat just amplifies the problem, I feel, if I were to participate in fellowship with other believers and such.

Being transgender has to be such a trial! Discrimination comes in many forms.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Being transgender has to be such a trial! Discrimination comes in many forms.

I go to church just fine as a trans man. You just go to a church where they won't care, and there's many of those to choose from.

 

[Revoltingest]

I think there is always room for improvement. Otherwise we are in a state of stasis.
I cannot imagine any life in this world that is perfect, although I believe that the afterlife has that potential.

Perfection is the enemy of good enuf.

 

[Truthseeker]

Often life throws things at us and we are forced to make decisions and I am in that situation right now.

Like whether to get vaccinated?

 

[The Kilted Heathen]

I'm living in a Late-Stage Capitalist hellhole. Of course I'm not.

 

[Revoltingest]

Bill, schmill. They come, I pay. Most here are set up automatically, so I don't have to think about. As the writing above the urinal says ... 'Pour it in, pour it out. Meh.'

Most bills I pay are an opportunity to reward someone
for giving me something I want. It's win-win.

 

[Truthseeker]

As an aside, if I ever do retire I can use my counseling degree to work part time although I do not need the money so it would just be because I want to help people.

I hope you will be able to help people that way some day.

 

[Truthseeker]

t is not quite that bad but thanks for the poem. As I indicated in my OP I can use all the help I can get and it is not as if my work situation is the only problem I am facing. Many other issues have been on hold for many years and now they are all coming down on me like a building that is collapsing.

Sorry about that. I didn't know.

 

[Truthseeker]

I go to church just fine as a trans man. You just go to a church where they won't care, and there's many of those to choose from.

Good to know.

 

[osgart]

I don't really want anything in this world. Not since I was young anyway.

 

[Trailblazer]

Hell, no. I'm not living the life I want. I hate my stupid job working for a corrupt greedy corporation where the managers are breaking all kinds of rules and having inappropriate relationships, and they work you like a dog (to start with my complaints about that dump). I hate my apartment building that is run by some corrupt organization that allows a violent psycho to get away with abusing the other tenants and even having the SWAT called on for his ***. I hate that I'm poor and struggling but surrounded by oblivious, obnoxious rich idiots who have no idea what it's like to struggle to survive in this world, while they drive their $100,000 cars to and from their multimillion dollar homes, etc. and still think they have the right to look down on people like me.

I could go on but it doesn't matter.

I am very sorry to hear that. As @Truthseeker said to me, I don't think that people who had a very seriously messed up childhood can just snap their fingers and magically fix their life, as if none of that had ever happened. We can try to do what we can do but we are constrained by many factors. Of course, people whose lives were not like ours cannot understand why we are this way, how could they? For many people it was not that way:

Although I am well off financially I know what it feels like to be stuck in a situation I cannot get out of. Some people seem to think that just because I have a lot of money I can do anything I want to do, but since I am married and I have eight cats I love more than anything else in the world, I have to consider them before making any life altering choices. My husband is getting to be a burden and I don't really love him anymore but I still care about him and I cannot just abandon him because he is a burden, and getting divorced would just create even more problems, so we are trying to work it out. I have little hope anything will ever change so I have accepted that this will be my life until one of us dies. Often I wish it would be me, other times I wish it would be him. If money was the answer to all life's problems no wealthy people would ever commit suicide, but we all know that is not the case.

 

[Trailblazer]

I'm helping myself. You can't count on others. Most people don't really care, anyway. It's just me and my caseworker.

I'm glad you have a caseworker. Most people don't care but some people do. Life is full of all kinds of people.

 

[Trailblazer]

Like whether to get vaccinated?

Yes, that is the decision I am being forced to make, but I have already made it. I am not getting vaccinated.

 

[Wildswanderer]

I'm generally happy with my life. I don't think being a follower of Jesus and being happy with our lives are mutually exclusive.

 

[Trailblazer]

Free will is more limited for some than others, I believe. If you've suffered really bad trauma, it is so hard to climb out of that. If your brain is structured in a certain way, it's hard to change. I'm especially thinking about my son Michael when I say the latter. I find it hard for me to change too at age 70, set in my ways. It's easier to change when you're a child, or for a parent to change a child.

No, I don't think it is as easy to change as some people think, not when we have suffered a bad trauma in childhood, and we would probably not be this way if we hadn't suffered that way although there is also a genetic component. Both my parents were depressed and anxious and used alcohol to medicate those conditions, and all three of us children inherited this genetic tendency and have had to fight this all our lives.

I wonder why you don't love worldly things? Have you wondered that yourself? Is it because the world doesn't satisfy you?

I am surprised to hear you ask that given what Baha'u'llah wrote about the world. If there is one thing I am happy about it is that I am not attached to this world. Why would I seek happiness in this world given what Baha'u'llah wrote, and this is just a handful of the many quotes.

"Disencumber yourselves of all attachment to this world and the vanities thereof. Beware that ye approach them not, inasmuch as they prompt you to walk after your own lusts and covetous desires, and hinder you from entering the straight and glorious Path.” Gleanings, p. 276

“Dispute not with any one concerning the things of this world and its affairs, for God hath abandoned them to such as have set their affection upon them. Out of the whole world He hath chosen for Himself the hearts of men—hearts which the hosts of revelation and of utterance can subdue. Thus hath it been ordained by the Fingers of Bahá, upon the Tablet of God’s irrevocable decree, by the behest of Him Who is the Supreme Ordainer, the All-Knowing.” Gleanings, p.279

“Ere long the world and all that is therein shall be as a thing forgotten, and all honor shall belong to the loved ones of thy Lord, the All-Glorious, the Most Bountiful.” Gleanings, p. 306

“Wert thou to consider this world, and realize how fleeting are the things that pertain unto it, thou wouldst choose to tread no path except the path of service to the Cause of thy Lord. None would have the power to deter thee from celebrating His praise, though all men should arise to oppose thee.” Gleanings, p. 314

“The world is but a show, vain and empty, a mere nothing, bearing the semblance of reality. Set not your affections upon it. Break not the bond that uniteth you with your Creator, and be not of those that have erred and strayed from His ways. Verily I say, the world is like the vapor in a desert, which the thirsty dreameth to be water and striveth after it with all his might, until when he cometh unto it, he findeth it to be mere illusion.” Gleanings, p. 328

 

[Trailblazer]

I'm generally happy with my life. I don't think being a follower of Jesus and being happy with our lives are mutually exclusive.

I cannot see why they would be mutually exclusive. In fact I would think that following Jesus would be a source of happiness.