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ARGH! I Can't Take It Anymore!

Circle_One

Circle_One

Well-Known Member
I think I'm losing my grip on reality and sanity. I've always been that person who can do it all. Who can do a million things at once and accomplish anything I set out to do, but I can't handle my life anymore.

On any given day, my schedule goes something like this:

6:00am-Wake up
6:10am-Make Justyce's lunch
6:15am-Wake up Justyce and fight with him for 15 minutes.
6:30am-Wake up my father. Make both him and Justyce breakfast.
7:00-Get dressed, gather my stuff for school and work, get Justyce ready for school and catch the bus by 7:36am.
8:00am-11am-Work
11am-Leave work, catch the metro, head to school.
11:45am-1pm-First class
1pm-Leave class, Catch metro and go back to work.
1:30-2:30-Work
2:30-Leave work, catch metro, go back to school.
2:45-4pm-School
4pm-5pm-Go back to work
5pm-Leave work, catch metro, and then bus for home (in the morning there's a bus that brings me right to work. At night, there's not).
6pm-Get home, start supper.
6:30-7pm (depending on what I make for supper)-Finishing cooking, finally sit down for my first and only meal of the day.
7pm-7:20pm-Fight with Justyce about why we have to do his homework right now
7:20-9pm-Justyce's homework (and that's only if there's no special projects need to be done)
9pm-9:20pm-Fight with Justyce about why he needs to take a shower right now
9:20-10pm-Finally get Justyce into the shower, clean up from supper, and the mess he and my dad made during the day while I was gone.
10pm-10:30-Fight with Justyce about why he needs to go to bed at 10.
10:30-Give up and let him stay up until 11. Clean bathroom from his shower
11pm-Put Justyce to bed.
11:10-11:20pm-Shower, if I'm lucky.
11:30pm-Ask my dad to please turn down his TV, or put his earphones on so I can study.
11:35pm-Midnight-Argue with my dad about asking him to turn down the TV and explaining "why I have to study so damned much".
Midnight-Give up and go outside into the unheated, unfurnished garage and study on the cement floor.
Midnight-3am-Study
3am-6am-Sleep.

And then three hours later, I'm up and doing it all over again.

In between all of this, I'm dealing with boyfriends and breakups and arguments with my mom about Jay and with Jay about my mom. With my family ******** about how I never have enough time for anyone. My mom saying I spend too much time with everyone but Justyce (WHAT? WHAT F-ING TIME???), with Justyce whining and moaning, with my dad complaining and milking his illness, and telling me I'm a bad daughter for not having found the time to take his blood/glucose everyday, with friends who ***** I never see them anymore, and then go on to talk about themselves, never once asking how I'm coping, and school projects that are due in four days but I'm only told about them today, and with the rest of the world that won't get off my back!

Presently, I have a test tomorrow that I should be studying for right now, but I'm giving up. I can't do it anymore. I've got no support system, no one to talk to, no one to listen to me and no one to f-ing care. I feel like I'm coming apart at the seams.

I'm not the calm, unstressed person I make myself out to be all the time. It's not easy keeping this damn smiling face on 24/7 when it feels like I'm Atlas holding the whole world on my back. It's not easy being everything to everyone and having no one be anything for me. Sometimes I need to talk too. Sometimes I need to cry too. Sometimes I just need someone to listen and understand that I CAN'T DO EVERYTHING!
 
Madhuri

Madhuri

RF Goddess
Staff member
Premium Member
That sounds aweful!
I've known people who study and work full time and I am surprised when it doesn't lead to nervous breakdowns. With a family to look after as well I can hardly imagine the stress. I hope you find a solution. Your health and happiness is important.
 
Reverend Rick

Reverend Rick

Frubal Whore
Premium Member
Wow, what a schedule! I'm a work-a-holic and your schedule makes mine look like a vacation.

All I can say is, you have my respect. All I can offer is, there will be a time when this will all pay off. You have to believe that or it is all in vain.

I agree that you need a better support system. This is a game of inches here, I see no easy fix.

I hope things get better for you.
 
whereismynotecard

whereismynotecard

Treasure Hunter
Maybe you need to try to cut back on work if you don't absolutely need the money. Or ask your parents if they can help you out with money. (I don't know all of your financial situations though, so I don't know if any of that is possible.) If anything, you can just wait it out till the end of the semester and next time try to schedule your classes closer together so you can work the same number of hours without having to transit between class and work so many times, so you'll have more free time. Hang in there. When you're through with school, you'll get a better job and you won't have school in addition to it, so everything will get better. :D
 
Circle_One

Circle_One

Well-Known Member
Thanks guys :hug:

I just really needed to vent. I don't think the people around me see my life for what it really is, and that's what's killing me. They don't support because they don't understand. And they don't understand because they don't want to take the time to listen. It's just so hard sometimes.

Like yesterday, Jay and I broke up (yes, again, but it hurts nonetheless) and I literally took TWO minutes to sit on my couch in silence and shed a couple of tears before plastering my smile back on and going back about my day, and my mother says "Well, you're always ******** that you don't have enough hours in a day to get things done, but here you are wasting time sitting on the couch, relaxing. No wonder you don't get anything done." Like come on now. Something's gotta give.
 
Circle_One

Circle_One

Well-Known Member
whereismynotecard said:
Maybe you need to try to cut back on work if you don't absolutely need the money. Or ask your parents if they can help you out with money. (I don't know all of your financial situations though, so I don't know if any of that is possible.) If anything, you can just wait it out till the end of the semester and next time try to schedule your classes closer together so you can work the same number of hours without having to transit between class and work so many times, so you'll have more free time. Hang in there. When you're through with school, you'll get a better job and you won't have school in addition to it, so everything will get better. :D
Click to expand...

I actually thought of that, so I sat down and did a quick list of incoming and outgoing money, and cutting back on work ended up not being an option, because that would have put my outgoing in the minuses :(
 
whereismynotecard

whereismynotecard

Treasure Hunter
If you and Jay keep breaking up, maybe you should both do yourselves a favor and stay away from each other. You are probably just not right for each other if you keep breaking up, even if you do get back together every time, the fact that you break up every time too says something about your compatibility.

Hopefully things will get better. There was a time when I was in high school and I had a job that school and work was all I did, and I hated my life so much, so when I started college, I changed my work schedule so that I'd get a day off, or so I didn't have school and work together on the same day, but I don't know if that's possible for you. You need to just think about all of your own individual options and figure something out. Good luck. :D
 
Circle_One

Circle_One

Well-Known Member
No, I'm not taking any classes this summer, but that means I'll be back to working full time. At least I'll also be back to having the time to eat two meals a day instead of one. That will be nice.

My parents are harpies, Hannah. I wouldn't ask them for money if I literally needed it to survive.
 
Circle_One

Circle_One

Well-Known Member
whereismynotecard said:
(what's "harpies?")

maybe you should bring a snack with you and eat it on the subway. (or whatever transportation you're using)
Click to expand...

Nothing specific, really, it was just the nicest possible word I could think to use without having to ban myself.

Yeah, I could totally do that. But I never have the time to think about it in the morning when I'm running around doing everything else.

Honestly, there's no quick fix to my situation. I just needed someone to listen and understand for once. It's very frustrating when you have no one.
 
whereismynotecard

whereismynotecard

Treasure Hunter
Well, fortunately you've got all of us bored RF people. We love listening to everyone's problems. :D I understand why you'd be frustrated, and I've had times in my life when I never had time to do anything I wanted, and I know how unhappy you feel. I sincerely hope you'll be able to figure something out soon so that you'll enjoy your life. It's too short to spend it all being sad. :(
 
Circle_One

Circle_One

Well-Known Member
Thanks Hannah. And indeed it is. I just need to vent sometimes. Need someone else to know that I'm not crazy, or at least have a right to be going crazy, haha.
 
whereismynotecard

whereismynotecard

Treasure Hunter
You should download some songs illegally. That always makes me feel good. My komputer is all ****** up though, so I don't know how to download things anymore. :sad4:
 
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