Arranged Marriages

[standing_on_one_foot]

Dude, that's our Indian tradition - we believe (and a lot of traditional communities around the world do too) that man is the aggressor, but woman is the pacifier. A man can be whatever he wants to be, but his wife should always stand by him, be forebearing and support him for whatever he is.

Americans and Protestants do not believe in the same way.

As you point out, I disagree. But what I disagree with even more is that abuse is something to be tolerated. I think it's commendable to want to keep a marriage together, but I think there are better ways for that to happen than for one person to be abusive and the other to just put up with it. Abusive and agressive don't have to go together. I'm not, please understand, saying that abuse and arranged marriage go together, just that abuse shouldn't be part of marriage, period.

 

[prash4]

I fully agree with you that abuse is bad in any relationship. But it's just that you people do not tolerate it, so you decide to separate or divorce if you can't come to terms with each other.

Whereas, as I pointed several posts ago, we Indians are trained to tolerate abuse. It's because of our relegious beliefs. Also because, there is money involved while arranging the marriage - so this money has to be returned back if divorce occurs - this can lead to family disputes and even violence.

 

[standing_on_one_foot]

And here's where we reach a fundamental disagreement. I think relationships that are abusive and cannot be salvaged short of sitting back and allowing the abuse to continue should be ended, either permanently or until it's possible for the relationship to work without abuse. You, I gather, disagree. Not much I could do to convince you otherwise, as you agree on my main arguement (that abuse is wrong) but not on my main point (that's it's wrong enough to end a relationship). By the way, if a wife were to be abusive, do you know what the action on that would be? I understand it's much rarer, but I can't imagine, in all the variety of human experiences, that it never happens.

Which religous beliefs go for the tolerate it approach, out of curiosity? I mean specifically.

 

[prash4]

I respect your views on this, but it's just that we look more in terms of kids' welfare & since Hindus are not aware of the divorce concept itself, we tend to think that divorce is totally bad for the husband, wife and kids & leads to permanent unhappiness & is a severe dent in the family and caste.

However, if you and your kids are actually happy with a divorce - then I think it's good. But we Hindus are still resistant to this divorce concept itself, as it is something brought over by westernization.

And regarding your question about such 'tolerant' relegions, of course there's Hinduism, Jainism & perhaps Islam and Buddhism as well (but I'm not sure of the last two).

 

[standing_on_one_foot]

I respect your views on this, but it's just that we look more in terms of kids' welfare & since Hindus are not aware of the divorce concept itself, we tend to think that divorce is totally bad for the husband, wife and kids & leads to permanent unhappiness & is a severe dent in the family and caste.

However, if you and your kids are actually happy with a divorce - then I think it's good. But we Hindus are still resistant to this divorce concept itself, as it is something brought over by westernization.

And regarding your question about such 'tolerant' relegions, of course there's Hinduism, Jainism & perhaps Islam and Buddhism as well (but I'm not sure of the last two).

I certainly can see where you're coming from. And no one is especially happy with divorce, and sometimes I think people don't always take marriage as seriously as they could. However, that being said, while I think people should try to work things out, I don't think it's always possible, and then I think divorce needs to be an option.

I was more wondering about specific beliefs than specific religions, actually.

 

[prash4]

I guess you are right. But what I would also want to point out to all you people is that even Arranged Marriages are not all like beds of roses of 100% happiness - there are elements of abuse that sets in a lot of such relationships.