Ask a single, frustrated person.

[kashmir]

Same here, due to very personal reasons and the fact I been hurt so many times, I have completely written off relationships.
It's been so long now that I doubt I would even know how to act around a female.

I let a friends mom stay with me a few days(no sex, i turned her down).
I had to tell her to go, her constant breathing in and out got to be so annoying.
seriously, though, she just had just too much drama for me to want in my life.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

That's typical. But only during the winter. The summers here are gorgeous and I'm loving the one we have now. What grad school?

The University of Washington is where I'm hoping to go. And now that medical isn't such a worry, UC Berkeley might be my second choice.
But, anywhere I end up, I just want to be somewhere that isn't anymore or even just as Conservative in Indiana, and hopefully it will be somewhere where I can at least get a date using an online site, unlike here where I have no matches unless they are just too far away, like Indianapolis, Muncie, or West Lafayette, all of which are at least a 60-90 minute drive from where I live.

 

[Bunyip]

I experienced long years of social isolation, as the years pass you become more and removed from the world and social anxieties add up until the only interactions with the rest of the world are as brief as possible.

I can also identify with your comments about how disappointed you are in people.

Well my 2 cents worth is this - I spent many years far from the rest of humanity, and the greatest realisation I had is that humans are social animals, we need society just as much as we need air, water and food.
So swallow your fears and put yourself back out there, as bad and as frightening as it may be it is the only pathway to a real life.

People can suck, but they can also be fantastic. Cut yourself off from them and you can avoid some pf the bad things, but it costs you all of the wonderful things.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

I experienced long years of social isolation, as the years pass you become more and removed from the world and social anxieties add up until the only interactions with the rest of the world are as brief as possible.

I can also identify with your comments about how disappointed you are in people.

Well my 2 cents worth is this - I spent many years far from the rest of humanity, and the greatest realisation I had is that humans are social animals, we need society just as much as we need air, water and food.
So swallow your fears and put yourself back out there, as bad and as frightening as it may be it is the only pathway to a real life.

People can suck, but they can also be fantastic. Cut yourself off from them and you can avoid some pf the bad things, but it costs you all of the wonderful things.

Yeah, I know. I just don't know what to do in order to change that.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Yeah, I know. I just don't know what to do in order to change that.

I find there isn't much to do except hope I can find someone (even as a friend) that I can A) more than just tolerate and B) have an actual conversation with. If someone starts talking about last night's game or American Idol, there isn't much of a channel for opening communications with them.

 

[Bunyip]

Yeah, I know. I just don't know what to do in order to change that.

Well you just start taking up opportunities. Sign up for a course, join a book club, amateur theatre - whatever it is that appeals to you.

I know how lame that sounds, but it is really that simple.

For me I joined up in a few local art classes and so on, it's all about getting the ball rolling. Work out whatever it is that interests you and persue it - the rest all flows naturally from that.

Be yourself, there are plenty of people who will be attracted to you just as you are.

Lastly, think about this simple truth - If you find people so hard to tolerate, how can you expect them to tolerate you? The more tolerant, inclusive and accepting you can be, the more likely that YOU will fond tolerance, inclusion and acceptance.

 

[columbus]

Well you just start taking up opportunities. Sign up for a course, join a book club, amateur theatre - whatever it is that appeals to you.

I know how lame that sounds, but it is really that simple.

For me I joined up in a few local art classes and so on, it's all about getting the ball rolling. Work out whatever it is that interests you and persue it - the rest all flows naturally from that.

Be yourself, there are plenty of people who will be attracted to you just as you are.

Lastly, think about this simple truth - If you find people so hard to tolerate, how can you expect them to tolerate you? The more tolerant, inclusive and accepting you can be, the more likely that YOU will fond tolerance, inclusion and acceptance.

^^^^^^^^
Tom

 

[Nymphs]

On a current relationship with a female friend. I used to want to date her, but after spending a lot of time with her as a friend, I've come to realize that she's an obnoxious shrew.

Ah, I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

 

[StarryNightshade]

The University of Washington is where I'm hoping to go. And now that medical isn't such a worry, UC Berkeley might be my second choice.

I myself am considering Berkeley for grad school.

If I do, California will be such a drastic change from Georgia. :yes:

 

[Nyingjé Tso]

The University of Washington is where I'm hoping to go.

Went there to study some months, it is a really awesome school

 

[Nymphs]

Went there to study some months, it is a really awesome school

It's beautiful up here. I'm going to a university up north of there and I just love it.

 

[Badran]

Yeah, I know. I just don't know what to do in order to change that.

Well, at least you already have the awesome personality. So all that's left is to just find the right venue(s) through which you can meet other awesome people.

I think Bunyip's advice is what it comes down to. Reminding yourself that despite of past experiences, there are always wonderful people (and focusing on that so you can be positive yourself, even though it's hard due to the past experiences), and then finding the right activities you like which can hopefully help you meet those people. Both for friendships and for romance.

I know that's definitely not easy when one's used to isolation, and like i said when there's a lot of negativity in past relationships (and the more the harder). But i think it's worth the effort since as you probably already know overriding that negativity can definitely be helpful, and that's regardless of whether or not you're single or have no friends at that moment. If a positive mentality is embraced then even as single/without friends you can be at least reasonably satisfied and happy and hoping for good things in the future, despite all the natural needs. The needs can be a positive force in themselves too, with the right mentality.

I think that after a certain line of negativity and difficult life circumstances things like that sound nice but basically just too ideal, or almost irrelevant, but generally they can help like you know, and so trying to embrace a mentality aimed at all that if circumstances allow for it can change things around.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

I myself am considering Berkeley for grad school.

If I do, California will be such a drastic change from Georgia. :yes:

Wow! Yeah. Cali would be a major change for both of us. I'm use to seeing real free range chickens (so real they get around quite abit), horses, cows, pigs and acre after acre of field. I go to a big city and I'm likely to get lost for hours.

Well, at least you already have the awesome personality. So all that's left is to just find the right venue(s) through which you can meet other awesome people.

I think Bunyip's advice is what it comes down to. Reminding yourself that despite of past experiences, there are always wonderful people (and focusing on that so you can be positive yourself, even though it's hard due to the past experiences), and then finding the right activities you like which can hopefully help you meet those people. Both for friendships and for romance.

I know that's definitely not easy when one's used to isolation, and like i said when there's a lot of negativity in past relationships (and the more the harder). But i think it's worth the effort since as you probably already know overriding that negativity can definitely be helpful, and that's regardless of whether or not you're single or have no friends at that moment. If a positive mentality is embraced then even as single/without friends you can be at least reasonably satisfied and happy and hoping for good things in the future, despite all the natural needs. The needs can be a positive force in themselves too, with the right mentality.

I think that after a certain line of negativity and difficult life circumstances things like that sound nice but basically just too ideal, or almost irrelevant, but generally they can help like you know, and so trying to embrace a mentality aimed at all that if circumstances allow for it can change things around.

My therapist gave me an analogy of a boat that can either sit at harbor all day, or take a chance and go out to sea. My problem is finding oceans I want to go sail. But he does agree with me that being somewhere that is less Conservative will probably be a very good thing for me.

 

[Badran]

My therapist gave me an analogy of a boat that can either sit at harbor all day, or take a chance and go out to sea.

I like that.

My problem is finding oceans I want to go sail. But he does agree with me that being somewhere that is less Conservative will probably be a very good thing for me.

Yeah, definitely. I think changing environment, and especially going somewhere with more chances of meeting similar minded people can be a major help. I personally put a lot of stock in that idea, because i'm also not satisfied with my area (country).

I face problems with finding things that i like or that motivate me to go out there and do things in some department of my life, and i'm usually advised that if i can't seem to like any of the oceans i'm seeing from the outside (to use that analogy), then may be trying out ones even if i don't feel too enthusiastic about them from the start can help, since experience can change perspective a little bit, and i might end up liking something that i originally didn't.

I think that makes sense, especially with certain aspects of life, but i still face trouble motivating myself, so i can relate to your feelings there. Especially in some departments, like relationships, and particularly to some people, this can be more difficult to implement, and can require much more effort.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Well, at least you already have the awesome personality. So all that's left is to just find the right venue(s) through which you can meet other awesome people.

I think Bunyip's advice is what it comes down to. Reminding yourself that despite of past experiences, there are always wonderful people (and focusing on that so you can be positive yourself, even though it's hard due to the past experiences), and then finding the right activities you like which can hopefully help you meet those people. Both for friendships and for romance.

I know that's definitely not easy when one's used to isolation, and like i said when there's a lot of negativity in past relationships (and the more the harder). But i think it's worth the effort since as you probably already know overriding that negativity can definitely be helpful, and that's regardless of whether or not you're single or have no friends at that moment. If a positive mentality is embraced then even as single/without friends you can be at least reasonably satisfied and happy and hoping for good things in the future, despite all the natural needs. The needs can be a positive force in themselves too, with the right mentality.

I think that after a certain line of negativity and difficult life circumstances things like that sound nice but basically just too ideal, or almost irrelevant, but generally they can help like you know, and so trying to embrace a mentality aimed at all that if circumstances allow for it can change things around.

Aww, thanks. That's good advice. :hug:

 

[Quagmire]

I'm single and thank God.

Taking care of one needy narcissist is enough.

 

[Quagmire]

her constant breathing in and out got to be so annoying.

I hate people who do that.

 

[Draupadi]

OP, I used to be in your situation. Currently, I don't have any real friends but just classmates. But they can never be a friend right? But I do have a boyfriend and I had to go through several traumatic experiences before it. I was just wondering how do you manage to remain sane and happy, because I couldn't before my current boyfriend came?

 

[dawny0826]

What is a social life in this day and age?

I'm of the opinion that what matters most is the meaning to and value of our social connections - no matter how frequent or sparse - regardless as to whether or not we're meeting people face to face, via the web or both.

What matters most are people who get you and care.

I met my husband here on RF. One of us worked the nerve to confront the other in the spirit of friendship and what developed from that...is beautiful.

 

[Sha'irullah]

I am permanently single and proud of it. Ace for life! :cheer: