Thank you Zardoz, I always look forward to reading your replies, they are always a comfort and a help to me. I will elaborate just a little more on my story to give some backdrop. About a year and a half ago, after finding paperwork about our family genelology in our grandmother's house, life went on sort of as usual. Then, out of the blue, I had somewhat of a mystical experience in a bookstore (sounds corny, but it was), I felt like I was told to buy a certain book I passed in this bookstore. I walked on by after feeling it the first time, and as I went out and passed the book again, I felt it again. I reached back and grabbed it. LOL Anyway, I took the book home and felt like I should immediately read it, the urge was intense. It was written by an American Jew who traveled to the Holy Lands. I knew literally nothing about what I was at this point. Things felt like they almost started jumping off the page at me. I wondered what in the world was happening.
It was summer and I began thinking about things like Rosh HaShanah. Crazy, but I didn't even know what that day was about, not a clue. Why was I thinking about this? I kept feeling like I was supposed to learn. So I started to read what I could find on the net. I felt like I had to do it. Fall arrived and that day came and in the morning I was still wavering. What was I doing? Why was I doing this? I just did it. I baked my very first challah that day.
LOL I like to call it a wing and a prayer, I had no idea what I was doing, but my kids and I observed. It was incredible. For days and days afterward I felt like I was literally walking on air. I could not stop singing praises.
Then came Yom Kippur, and then we did our best to observe Sukkot, again winging it all the way. I felt incredibly blessed.
Then December came and we decided to try our first Hanukkah. It was wonderful and felt like just what we were supposed to be doing. About the same time as Rosh HaShanah, I kept feeling the calling to observe shabbat. I didnt' know what I was doing with that any more so than all the other. Some of my HR friends gave me pointers and I went for it. I have been enjoying a blessed shabbat ever since, for about 8 months or so, now. We just had our first Pesach, winging it again. Incredible.
But the thing that has made me feel the most centered in my heart, if that is how to explain it, is letting go of all that other bit by bit. Like I had to clear out the junk and make some space to put the new, right, good stuff.
I am working to study Torah, and trying to walk in His ways, I have so much to learn but the journey so far has been out of this world. The very first time I heard a Rabbi speak I literally sat bolt upright and said in my mind- 'what was that!!'. Some of the things he said just went through me like a lightning bolt, I am not kidding. Like I was hearing the truth for the first time and I could see something that I knew had been there, but couldn't see it before. That happened to me quite a few times LOL, as I began listening to Rabbis on a regular basis. Their words just went through me like truth that I had been denied all my life. Several times I just sat and cried.
Thank you so much for your advice, just what I needed to know, thank you. The Reform shul is the only place within about 70 miles I would say. I am in the sticks. I also feel that is just what I should do, wait to see what happens. I think I am Orthodox in my heart. I will see how He leads me.
Shalom friends and thank you for your help.