Thank you for sharing that, I hope all works out for you no matter what you want to believe, if it helps then that's great. I myself don't blame the alcohol, or anything that one becomes addicted to, you need an additive nature in the first place. This could be anything, it could be a period in our life when we were subjected to whatever, a bad parent, sexual abuse, raped, post traumatic stress, whatever, some of us are very fragile and therefore are effected much worse than the average person. We then self medicate our selves with whatever, as long as it pushed our pain away, and of course it doesn't, the only way I believe is to deal with it, to realize the past is no longer there, its all in our head. Because its in our heads or should I say the brain, the brain then need its fix, the receptors are continually wanting to be feed, so we become slave to our brain more or less.
Again I believe we need to deal with our underlying problem which really isn't the alcohol, which is secondary to that, find the problem and like a weed, pull it out, well that's what helped me, all the best.
And here is me singing One Day At a Time just for you.