Atheists: Does your Disbelief Bother your Families?

[MSizer]

I am just curious as to how many non-believers struggle in relationships with family members who disagree with them. I'm pretty fortunate in that my family consists mostly of liberal christians who respect my position. Anyone who is not so lucky? Mind sharing any stories about it?

M.

 

[3.14]

no, but then again its no something i tell everyone

 

[rojse]

I keep my distance from religious discussions in real life, when talking to both family and friends. There's too much pent-up emotion there, and not enough tolerance, let alone a desire to view and religious topic in a dispassionate manner. Oh, and most people are very unchallenging in their religious views.

It's why I post on RF.

 

[linwood]

I believe it bothers my wife a bit although she`s not religious or involved in any "real" belief.
She believes there is some godlike "thing out there" that involves itself with humans alot.

I think it just bothers her when she starts to talk about the WOO I can`t join in with her or understand it whatsoever.

My Catholic mother was in denial to the point that she told my wife when we were engaged I`d "Come out of it" (I was in my mid thirties)

My wife once told me she believed I held some belief in a deity because my mother told her this.

I told my wife "So, do you think it`s more probable that the man you know who has been studying theology and human religions for as long as you`ve known him hasn`t a clue that he`s a closet theist or that my Catholic mother couldn`t stand the thought her only child was going to burn in hell for eternity?"

I could tell by the look on her face the reality hit her and affected her to some great extent.

She had been fooling herself as well.

I`ll never understand people.

 

[MSizer]

Wow linwood, that's no fun. Sorry to hear (yeah I know, you're not looking for pity - and I'm not being condescending either, just saying it probably sucked).

On that note, I've never understood people who seem to have no religious practice in their daily lives, yet believe in some higher power, or claim to be spiritual. I've always suspected that those people haven't really thought about it much. Oh well, maybe a question to put up as a new post.

Thanks.

 

[linwood]

Wow linwood, that's no fun. Sorry to hear (yeah I know, you're not looking for pity - and I'm not being condescending either, just saying it probably sucked).

S`ok, it doesn`t really affect our relationship much as it doesn`t come up often although we have had a couple or rows over it in the past ten years.

On that note, I've never understood people who seem to have no religious practice in their daily lives, yet believe in some higher power, or claim to be spiritual. I've always suspected that those people haven't really thought about it much. Oh well, maybe a question to put up as a new post.

It would be a good thread.

It`s not just that they don`t think about it it`s that they refuse to think about it .

Those rows I mentioned earlier came about when I questioned her beliefs and she couldn`t support any of them although she admitted it was illogical and irrational.

She apparently "needs" it for some reason and has no problem with the dissonance in her worldview.

I couldn`t live that way.

 

[Caladan]

I think its safe to say that the part of my of family I see most are atheists. the other side of my family (Sephardi side) is more traditional, but things never been confrontational in regards to faith. none of my immediate family members are religious.
I don't remember having any issues with family over religion. there is one thing, but it wasn't anything unpleasant. when I was 13, as Jewish tradition goes I was to recite from the Hebrew Bibe in the synagogue (Bar Mitzva), and while I told my grandfather I don't really wanna do it, he convinced me to do it, which was a brilliant move by him, it was an experience, and it opened me to the understanding that one can sing the entire Hebrew Bible by Jewish prayer notes which appear through out the entire Hebrew Bible.

 

[Nepenthe]

I've never had any conflict at all, mainly since it never comes up in discussions. Neither of my parents or are particularly devout, and only one brother is particularly religious. My wife defines herself as an apatheist so it's all good.

Kinda boring actually. I get along with my family. Maybe I should've gone to business school or become a lawyer... that'd annoy and disappoint 'em.

 

[whereismynotecard]

My atheism doesn't strongly bother my mother. My sisters are also atheists, so they don't care, and no other member of my family knows I'm an atheist. It has never come up in conversation. My dad didn't like it very much, but we don't have to worry about him anymore.

 

[rojse]

I've never had any conflict at all, mainly since it never comes up in discussions. Neither of my parents or are particularly devout, and only one brother is particularly religious. My wife defines herself as an apatheist so it's all good.

Kinda boring actually. I get along with my family. Maybe I should've gone to business school or become a lawyer... that'd annoy and disappoint 'em.

So all atheists enjoy arguing and dissapointing their family?

 

[Nepenthe]

So all atheists enjoy arguing and dissapointing their family?

I wish!
The funny thing is my older brother, the most devout one is also the only gay member of the family. The older gay brother who has been in the same relationship for 15+ years and who once in awhile asks when we're gonna baptize our son... I usually make a snarky homophobic joke along the lines of "when you stop ______ ____" ... well, you get the idea.
He then insults me and we go back to making fun of each other. It's what brothers do.

 

[Wandered Off]

My parents, who are pretty devout fundamentalist Baptists, know my beliefs are no longer like theirs, but we don't really talk about it. My sister rejected her beliefs for some kind of new-agey shamanism (not sure what exactly), and she felt she had to discuss it openly or else she wasn't "being herself." After seeing how well that went over, I resolved to not bring up religion with the folks unless absolutely necessary. I'm married to a theist, but she isn't dogmatic about it and is fine with my outlook. I don't talk much with my extended family anyway, but I suspect they would be worried for my soul if they knew.

 

[Kilgore Trout]

My mom sends me a few hilariously horrible "inspirational" e-mails a week, but that's about as forward as she gets regarding my being an atheist.

 

[BucephalusBB]

Well, my father is either atheist or he doesn't care.. Actually never spoke of that much.
My mother is religious and she doesn't really seem to bother me being atheist.

 

[LuisDantas]

I am just curious as to how many non-believers struggle in relationships with family members who disagree with them. I'm pretty fortunate in that my family consists mostly of liberal christians who respect my position. Anyone who is not so lucky? Mind sharing any stories about it?

M.

It's been quite a bother to me. Mostly because people seem to think that belief is important.

 

[Smoke]

My family has thought I was an oddball about religion since I announced, on the morning of my confirmation, that I had decided I wasn't going to be confirmed. My mother had other ideas, and it turned out that I was confirmed that day after all.

I came out as a gay man before I rejected Christianity, so by the time I became an atheist most of my family was already sure I was going to hell, anyway. You wouldn't think atheism would make so much of a difference, but it does.

Generally speaking, I don't talk about it with family. I'm more open with my nephews' generation than with my own, and more open with my own generation than with my parents'. All my grandparents and all their siblings are dead, and I don't discuss religion at all with my grandparents' first cousins; I just listen to whatever they report about what's going on at the church or the Kingdom Hall or whatever.

 

[MSizer]

My family has thought I was an oddball about religion since I announced, on the morning of my confirmation, that I had decided I wasn't going to be confirmed. My mother had other ideas, and it turned out that I was confirmed that day after all.

I came out as a gay man before I rejected Christianity, so by the time I became an atheist most of my family was already sure I was going to hell, anyway. You wouldn't think atheism would make so much of a difference, but it does.

Generally speaking, I don't talk about it with family. I'm more open with my nephews' generation than with my own, and more open with my own generation than with my parents'. All my grandparents and all their siblings are dead, and I don't discuss religion at all with my grandparents' first cousins; I just listen to whatever they report about what's going on at the church or the Kingdom Hall or whatever.

Wow, sorry to hear it isn't better than that for ya. Oh well, if they're right about hell, I'll be there too for sure, so you can sit at my table. I've got a whole bunch of cool folk who have agreed to sit at my table if we end up there

 

[Smoke]

The funny thing is my older brother, the most devout one is also the only gay member of the family. The older gay brother who has been in the same relationship for 15+ years and who once in awhile asks when we're gonna baptize our son...

I've been there, kind of. It used to bother me that my youngest nephew wasn't baptized, and it really bothered me that the older ones were re-baptized in a Protestant church. But I kept my mouth shut about it. Now the oldest one is an atheist, living in Korea and visiting Buddhist temples on his days off, and I'm very proud.

 

[Smoke]

Wow, sorry to hear it isn't better than that for ya.

It's really not that bad. We all get along pretty well, and whatever emotional distance there is was there long before I was an atheist, so we're accustomed to it.

Oh well, if they're right about hell, I'll be there too for sure, so you can sit at my table. I've got a whole bunch of cool folk who have agreed to sit at my table if we end up there

If there is a hell, it seems that's where all the cool people are going to be. Maybe even my grandparents, since (apparently) my grandfather was insufficiently devout and my grandmother, while devout, was theologically liberal.

 

[Amhairghine]

I am just curious as to how many non-believers struggle in relationships with family members who disagree with them. I'm pretty fortunate in that my family consists mostly of liberal christians who respect my position. Anyone who is not so lucky? Mind sharing any stories about it?

M.

The vast majority of my extended family are simply not interested in religion. They neither deny it or support it. It just is not important to them. I have more non-theists than theists in my large Scottish family. Many call themselves Atheists, some say Agnostic or Agnostic Non-theist, Ignostic, Secular Humanist, Free Thinker, (a brother) who calls himself (non-superstitious.) I have three cousins (or two cousins and a male cousin-in-law) who are 7th Day Adventists. I actually get on quite well with them despite the diametrically opposed views. We were raised near each other and love each other dearly. We debate but if anger erupts we switch topics. We maintain politeness that I do not always observe when debating strangers with strange beliefs.

My great-grandfather (WWI soldier), my grandfather (WWII soldier), my father (also WWII sailor), my paternal uncle, and brother are/were non-theists.

When I started school, they taught Bible stories in childrens cartoonish format. I began without an opinion. However, unlike the pre-conditioned christian lads, I immediately found the stories repulsive and evil. As I grew older and read more of the Bible into High School, I was already expecting disgusting debauchery, evil, hate, violence, killing, genocide, torture, and twisted thinking. I was never disappointed. Other lads began to see the evil in the book and many defected to the ranks of Free Thinkers.

I only encountered religious bigotry when I took a neuro-epilepsy one year fellowship in America at a great university. I had no problems at university where all scientists seemed to be atheists. But in the outside community I quickly found out that Atheists were hated almost as much as gay people and black people.

It leads to this joke. An American man awakens during the night screaming, sweating, and shaking. His wife tries to comfort him. "What happened Jim?"

Jim said, "I had the scariest dream in my life."

"I dreamed that I was a black, college graduate, Lesbian Atheist at the Republican National Convention where everyone carried M-16A3, and AK-47 assault rifles and wore NRA caps."

Amhairghine