Atheists: Does your Disbelief Bother your Families?

[Humanistheart]

I am just curious as to how many non-believers struggle in relationships with family members who disagree with them. I'm pretty fortunate in that my family consists mostly of liberal christians who respect my position. Anyone who is not so lucky? Mind sharing any stories about it?

M.

It bothers my mother, maybe my sister a little. We don't talk much about it anymore, which is fine as there are plenty of other topics to discuss.

 

[themadhair]

The family I mostly interact know and don’t care. Frankly I don’t think they are that faithful themselves beyond going through the rituals. Did have a few debates with some far out relatives on the subject but it is strange. Where I live even the devout here aren’t exactly booked up on the bible. It does astound me somewhat how many people I informed regarding transubstantiation.

I have a lot of regard for folks in other locations who have to deal with actual bigotry because I have it easy by comparison.

 

[Amill]

My parents are pretty much deists or just non religious and my brother has gone through periods of atheism, theism, and deism. We are all very rational people that are fine with each others beliefs and realize that it is not something that is based on "choice" as idiots out there suggest.

 

[Tiapan]

Fully atheist family, friends and neighbors, so no conflict. Don't really know anyone that is still religious, around here. I think we've educated them all except esalem (RF contributor) of course who reckons he lives here somewhere. (Perhaps the Islamic republic of Coburg).

Cheers

 

[The Neo Nerd]

The one time i had the god discussion with my parents was interesting. I knew my mum believed in a god but i never knew my dad was an atheist. It's never come up with my brothers and my little sister so its never really been an issue.

Most of my friends know im pagan and since it may come up once in a blue baboon im happy for them to just assume im crazy.

-Q

 

[monta]

It doesn't bother them , they think I am in a rebelious phase that I will grow out of:biglaugh:

I am in my 30's btw. I do get blamed for my other siblings being atheists as well, I have corrupted them, I was supposed to take them to Mass on Sundays and took them to the park instead, we spent the plate money on sweets as well.

It gets a little heated when my parents think I should have been asked to be a god parent to a child and I say but I'm an atheist, or if someone asks me to be a god parent and I say, but I'm an atheist.

 

[Renji]

I was an atheist in one point of my life but it did not bother me in any way and it also did not affect my relationship with my parents or relatives (since I didn't told them). I once told my friends that I was an atheist once but some of them didn't believe me.

 

[MSizer]

I was an atheist in one point of my life but it did not bother me in any way and it also did not affect my relationship with my parents or relatives (since I didn't told them). I once told my friends that I was an atheist once but some of them didn't believe me.

Didn't believe you? haha, that's kinda funny. You should have told them that since you were lying, your obvious low moral character is strong evidence for your atheism.

 

[Bware]

I am just curious as to how many non-believers struggle in relationships with family members who disagree with them. I'm pretty fortunate in that my family consists mostly of liberal christians who respect my position. Anyone who is not so lucky? Mind sharing any stories about it?

M.

Yes my Dad and I argue all the time about religion and me "going to hell". He says he's a born again Chrstian and preaches to me about going to church and learning the truth. He doesn't understand my Invisible Pink Unicorn argument (Blessed be her Holy Hooves) Boy does he gets angry when I tell him that him making racial comments (constantly Ni**** this and Ni**** that) is not very Christian.

Honestly though, I like arguing about religion, I find it refreshing to argue circles around people who don't even realize that you are just antagonizing them and making them look foolish for believing such nonsense.

 

[Renji]

Didn't believe you? haha, that's kinda funny. You should have told them that since you were lying, your obvious low moral character is strong evidence for your atheism.

Yes they didn't believe me (believe it or not). They didn't really think that I'm lying or what, they just think that I'm joking. They didn't believe me because I'm a devoted Catholic now.

 

[Panda]

My family are all atheists so no we don't argue.

 

[DarkSun]

My family are all atheists so no we don't argue.

Same with me, really.

If I could give myself a religion, I'd call myself a liberal Christian. Although I do have a few personal beliefs that don't exactly jibe with mainstream Christianity.

It's amusing really. I get into arguments with Fundamentalist Christians every now and then, and they assume I'm an atheist because I agree with evolution, humanism and science. I'm not a Creationist in any way, and I think a lot of the OT shouldn't ever be taken seriously.

Oh, there was this one girl I met on a bus. I think her name was Kate or Katie.. something along those lines. Anyway, she tried to get me to go to her Church (even though I hadn't been to a Church in a fair while) -- and when I said I'd rather not, she said that it was important that I do that. She asked me my stance on the Bible, and I said that it was a great book that often had to be read in context. She asked me whether I believed in evolution -- and I said yes, because all of the verifiable evidence suggests that it's true whereas the Bible is so subjective it's not funny.

Haha, you should have seen her. She looked at me and said: "I think you need Jesus in your life." Then she quoted a Bible verse, and I gave her one in return. She gave me the scripture about having to have blind faith, much like a child's and followed up with John 3: 16. I quoted Romans 2: 14-16, which says that even if you don't know the law, if you still enact the requirements of the law, you'll be fine. She gave me a blank stare and said: "You can quote stuff like this and still reject Christianity?"

I just said: "As far as I'm concerned, I never rejected it to begin with."

She walked off the bus with a really confused expression.



Apart from small incidents like that, with random strangers, I don't really have problems with my family, per se.

My mother and father are both agnostic, although since my father remarried, he's been going to church a lot, because his wife is a Christian... I think. They don't talk about religion much. My grandmother (on my mother's side) has an interesting belief in a group of people called the "Ascended Masters"... who are a group of people, Jesus, the Buddha and others amongst them... I don't really know much about it. And again, I don't really talk about religion with my nan. My point was that my nan and my great aunt are the only real "theists" in my family.

We all get along pretty well with each other. Personally, I see the whole "hell concept" as a sick revenge fantasy that could never possibly have been contrived by a perfect mind. The whole notion of eternal hell-fire reeks of human depravity: it's disgusting, and that central dogma is part of the reason why I stopped attending church services. Any God who would send me or my family to hell for something they can't help, when they're all the best people you'll ever meet -- any God like that makes Satan look like a great guy. I don't see things like that.

Haha, anyway, that's my two cents.

 

[Falvlun]

Well, seeing how I was temporarily kicked out of the family home when I informed my parents I no longer considered myself a Christian, I haven't yet had the heart to tell them that 3 years later, not only am I still not a Christian, I am now officially an atheist.

We tend to avoid religious topics, as well as political and scientific ones about dinosaurs and such. At least I can still play Yahtzee with my mom and all is well.

 

[MSizer]

I'm enjoying hearing these accounts. I guess it's no surprise that they're much like the responses I get from members of my atheist social group too. The only thing that stands out to me is when I was about 10 maybe, I asked my Dad (devout liberal catholic) which was true, evolution or genesis, and he said evolution. I was puzzled, and I could see he was annoyed and wanted to get away from the topic. He used the rationalization that we can't treat the bible literally, since it was written before many scientific explanations existed. That's a classic case of cognitive dissonance if I've ever seen one. It still find it odd that at 10 years old I could see the obvious irreconcilibility of the science and religion, but my dad, an adult, seemed to be ok with it.

 

[MissAlice]

I get sick and tired of my father's side of the family including us in religious affairs even though they know better.

I try and be respectful about it but it's hard to respect when they keep intruding as if they didn't know already. It does make life a lot harder and this one of the reasons why I don't see most of them.

 

[Smoke]

I get sick and tired of my father's side of the family including us in religious affairs even though they know better.

I've pretty much given up on going to my husband's family gatherings because they always include going to church. I'm willing to attend a funeral or a wedding in a church, but I'm not going to the Baptist church as a prerequisite to dinner.

 

[MissAlice]

I bet in places like Sweden and Norway atheists are little more accepted or so I've heard....

 

[Tiapan]

I would like to say we as parents would be most concerned if our children started going out with anyone who claimed to be religious of any form.

 

[DarkSun]

I'm enjoying hearing these accounts. I guess it's no surprise that they're much like the responses I get from members of my atheist social group too. The only thing that stands out to me is when I was about 10 maybe, I asked my Dad (devout liberal catholic) which was true, evolution or genesis, and he said evolution. I was puzzled, and I could see he was annoyed and wanted to get away from the topic. He used the rationalization that we can't treat the bible literally, since it was written before many scientific explanations existed. That's a classic case of cognitive dissonance if I've ever seen one. It still find it odd that at 10 years old I could see the obvious irreconcilibility of the science and religion, but my dad, an adult, seemed to be ok with it.

Cognitive dissonance? I could start a rant here... but I won't. Suffice to say it makes sense to me, just as your views make sense to you.

I would like to say we as parents would be most concerned if our children started going out with anyone who claimed to be religious of any form.

And here I thought respect for another person's beliefs worked both ways.

(Just joking. I knew where you were coming from when you said that.)

 

[Tiapan]

Originally Posted by Tiapan
I would like to say we as parents would be most concerned if our children started going out with anyone who claimed to be religious of any form.

And here I thought respect for another person's beliefs worked both ways.

(Just joking. I knew where you were coming from when you said that.)

Yes it was a bit tongue in cheek, I would respect and accept most moderate views of religion, however there is a more sinister aspect to this that has darkly affected my familys life, that makes me particularly guarded about any who take religion too seriously.

http://www.culthelp.info/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=229&Itemid=8

Beyond reason - his strict religious beliefs were driving them apart
Morris Brewer loved Carmen Walters but his strict religious beliefs were driving them apart

By MAX HAINES
Toronto Sun
Sunday, November 8, 1998

In October 1949, blond, good-looking Morris Brewer, 23, met pretty Carmen Walters, 19, at the Burnley Primary Agricultural College in Australia. From the moment they met they were infatuated with each other.

For a year the pair were inseparable and planned to marry. It appeared that nothing stood in the way of their future happiness.

There was one minor hurdle that had to be faced and overcome. Morris and his parents were members of a sect known as the Plymouth Brethren. For those of you not familiar with the Brethren, they are an extreme sect whose members hold self denial as one of the main tenets of their faith.

Gambling is prohibited, as well as alcohol and tobacco. Members are forbidden to attend stage productions, the theatre and dances. They encourage socializing with sect members, rather than outsiders who might lead them to sinful thoughts and, heaven forbid, deeds. Cheating and lying were strictly taboo.

Now, let's move along to Carmen's parents.

Mr. Walters was a former squadron leader in the Royal Australian Air Force. A war wound had left him totally blind. In regard to religion, he was not particularly observant. He was concerned that his daughter was marrying into such a strict lifestyle.

He approached Carmen's future in-laws and discussed some of their beliefs. Mr. Walters felt that since his daughter loved the theatre, it was most unreasonable she be forbidden to attend. The Brewers relented, agreeing that the theatre rule be waived.

Thus encouraged, Mr. Walters suggested the matter of children should be delayed a few years until the young people became established. Again, the Brewers acquiesced, although I have no idea how parents could hope to control this latter condition.

In return for these concessions, Mr. Brewer asked that the wedding be conducted by an elder of the Plymouth Brethren. Mr. Walters agreed. The fact is, the Walters and the Brewers got along famously.

With all arrangements concluded by the two families, let's concentrate on the main characters in our doomed scenario -- Morris and Carmen. The first hint that all was not rosy occurred when Carmen suggested a hiking tour honeymoon.

Morris, who preferred praising the lord from a stationary position, abhorred the idea of communing with nature.

This minor disagreement was overshadowed by a far more contentious issue. Morris learned that Carmen had visited Darwin before he had met her. On one occasion when the subject came up, she had told him she was away for six weeks. On another, she said she had been gone for six months. Morris found these remarks of paramount importance. One of them was a lie. To his way of thinking, a lie was the same as if Satan himself had possessed his fiancee.

Morris didn't know what to do, where to turn. He knew very well that to consult his parents would be tantamount to calling off the wedding. Instead, he met with Carmen's dad.

The meeting proved to be a shocker to Morris. Mr. Walters, never dreaming of the effect his statements would have on his future son-in-law, told Morris that Carmen often told little white lies to the family. In fact, he didn't see that much harm in it. Didn't everyone tell a little lie now and then?

Morris was shocked and astounded. His betrothed was a sinner of the first order. There was more. Mr. Walters in his innocence mentioned that Carmen had once stayed out all night without informing them and had never told them where she went. The whore -- the harlot! Worse still, the liar!

This was serious. Morris confronted Carmen. Exasperated at being questioned about her activities before she had even met Morris, Carmen said something which would have been better left unsaid. She blurted out that she not only had stayed out overnight, but she had slept with a man. Translation -- she was not a virgin! Morris' lower lip dropped. Blood rushed to his head. He could hardly form the words -- the wedding was off.

Morris collected his wits long enough to inform both sets of parents of this revolting development. A real gentleman, Morris gave as his reason for calling off the wedding the fact that he had found out his former betrothed was a liar.

In the ensuing days, despite his strict religious background, Morris found he longed for Carmen's companionship. He couldn't concentrate. He stopped eating and became so lethargic that his doctor confined him to hospital for a few days.

Upon being discharged, he visited Carmen. He still loved her. To add to his turmoil, he found that she still loved him. Poor Morris was between a rock and a hard place. His religious beliefs and moral convictions told him never to see Carmen again. Yet he loved her and couldn't resist being with her.

The couple met for dinner. All went well. They dated again. Always, the conversation centred around their problem, in particular, Morris' inability to accept Carmen with what he perceived to be her many flaws.

For her part, Carmen blamed his upbringing for all their problems. As they walked along the street close to Carmen's home, he remonstrated her for criticizing his parents during the course of the evening. Carmen replied, "I have caused my parents a lot of worry in the past, and I think you will do the same." On the surface, it didn't seem to be a damning statement, but to Morris, who regarded his mother as a God-like figure on earth, it was like being told he would offend God.

Morris grabbed Carmen by the throat and choked her to death. He fled and attempted to cut his wrist with a razor. He was rushed to hospital, where he quickly recovered.

Morris' murder trial turned into a study of his mental state at the time the crime was committed. The prosecution contended that Morris knew very well what he was doing when he choked the life from Carmen Walters and knew very well it was wrong. They claimed it was a simple case of Morris coming to the conclusion that he couldn't have Carmen and killed her so no other man could have her.

The defence pointed out that, at a certain level, Morris loved his mother and was under a tremendous strain caused by loving another woman. When Carmen suggested Morris would harm his mother, he lost his sanity. He interpreted her statement to mean he would willfully offend God.

Apparently, the Australian jury believed the defence theory. Morris Brewer was found not guilty by reason of insanity.

Carmen was my fathers sister, my aunt.

This is the reason I am so vigourous challenging the religious to examine their axioms and getting a reality check.

Cheers