BAD experience In Utah

[Wek]

I just wanted to throw in a comment about not judging others. I am Mormon and live in Logan Ut. All to often I run into people passing judgement so easily on the next. This judgement doesn't have to be vocal, it could be totally internal and ...in my mind, I think that even internal negative feelings about something superficial is just as bad as expressing it externally. I am a very outgoing person and have no reservations about expressing myself and being outgoing even while at church. I grew up and always thought of my dynamic personality as an asset. I grew up in Arizona. Now I live in Logan, UT and HERE, I have found it to be something not accepted too well while at church here. I find many adults at church not befriending me too easily because I'm "too much". I just like to be funny and lighthearted. I don't offend anyone, I just believe life should be fun and heaven forbid, church be fun as well. Many are quick to pass judgment on me here and it is internal. Internal because they don't say they don't like me, but it is evident nevertheless. I find myself now, cowarding away from the adult groups and since I was given the calling to teach the teenagers, I couldn't be happier. Teenagers like to have fun and learn. They don't want a boring "straight arrow" teaching them and I can tell they really appreciate someone normal and heaven forbid "cool" teaching them. I actually act colorful on purpose. It's not just a character trait I can't stop. I do it because I know that the Lord needs religion to be more than just callings and showing up, but it also involves enjoying our religion and enjoying our experience while at church. I know the Lord doesn't want a mechanical process that just happens, I think he has given us all personalities that he doesn't want us to suppress away just because we're under his roof worshiping him. In no way does this mean that I think one should be irreverent when under his roof, but giving a bunch of fake smiles and "Oh, hey's!" isn't exactly what it should be either. SO WHAT! if I want to say to some kid, "I'm Brother K-Dog " This behavior is just intended to spark a smile and unfortunately, this type of comment makes some individuals that may have overheard, not care for me as much after that.

I guarentee you that in AZ, If this comment was overheard by the bishop, it would have got me the next calling teaching as many people as possible. But here in Logan, not the case. Just my experience.

I know this is not the case for all mormons in Utah, and there are many that I have met that are very accepting of colorful mormons, but all too often though, I feel we're a minority.

 

[Wek]

Wek are just my initials, backwards. You Like?

 

[jonny]

A lot of time I think that the "judgment" thing is in our head. That's been my experience anyway. People who I thought disliked me turned out to be really nice people once I threw out my preconceieved opinions about them and got to know them. It might not be that they dislike you, but they may not be comfortable with your personality or find it difficult to approach you. You might have also just caught some of them off guard. I dunno.

I don't think this is a "Utah" problem (although us out-of-staters like to call everything a Utah problem). There are all types of people in the church, just like there are all types of people everywhere. We're never going to be able to please everyone so it's a waste of time to try. We just need to be ourselves.

It sounds like you're the type of teacher that the teenagers in the ward need.

 

[Wek]

Thanks for your reply Jonny. I do talk to all the adults in the ward and good relationships with them all. I have been in the ward the longest (6 years). It's pretty obvious that I'm not their cup'a tea though when they have get togethers and I'm the odd man out every time. I don't mind it, I just keep saying hi and keep trying to be myself.

People in my ward also feel or get offended very easily. I gave advice to 16 year old boy in my sunday school class and was later approached by the bishopric saying that the young men's president would appreciate that if I give advice about how that boy could pass the sacrament better that it be told to him first. I'm sitting there like, OK I have no problem with that, but was it really necessary to go thru the bishopric to get me that message. Now, I have to walk around this guy at church who obviously has an issue with something that I did and didn't have the balls to either leave it alone and get over it, or come to me personally and tell me. He'd rather go crying to the bishopric and make an issue out of something so retarded. Everybody seems to have their own glorified rule book and can't seem to let small things go. They'd rather report every little retarded thing. Also, I swear, are there any sports fans in Utah? Nobody watches sports in Logan, nobody watches 24, Lost, Survivor etc. Everybody else does. If they're here, I am yet to find any of them after 6 years.

I'm just looking for an everyday person here that just has fun when they get home from work or church. Instead, I keep finding every newly wed that goes on walks with his wife every night or is in the middle of family home evening. Not one has more than 20 channels on their cable box if they have one at all. I go on walks with my wife and I do family home evening, but I'll tell you what..there's still a heck of a lot of time left in the day and I wouldn't know how to fill it without these extras. I even have three kids that I spend loads of time with. But 6 years of wife and kids and wife and kids without a single guy friend to maybe catch a ballgame with can get......well, let's just say it would be nice to throw in an occassional friend that would come over and hang out for a while.

I served a mission in Guatemala and loved every minute of it. It was the best experience of my life. I'm a very optimistic person and love to meet others. but when all the "others" I meet are big mormon nerds that would rather go home teaching than go see The da Vinci code, then that's where I lose it. I wish I had a better attitude about all this and believe me, have been waiting and waiting to prove myself wrong with the next guy I meet, but I'll tell you what.....I'm leaving in seven weeks and I'll keep looking until the last day. I know again that not all Utah is like this, but Logan however is all I have to go off of and it's looking pretty bleak. I wish the truth were different. I really do, EVERY DAY.

OH wait, I did meet one guy that I loved here. We had classes together and we studied our butts off together. He loved sports and cursed only once a day. He got married in the temple and "Moved to Aspen and out of my life forever!" OK not Aspend (Ogden) but you get the point.

One last thing, GO SUNS. YOU CAN DO IT!!!

 

[Apex]

Thanks for your reply Jonny. I do talk to all the adults in the ward and good relationships with them all. I have been in the ward the longest (6 years). It's pretty obvious that I'm not their cup'a tea though when they have get togethers and I'm the odd man out every time. I don't mind it, I just keep saying hi and keep trying to be myself.

People in my ward also feel or get offended very easily. I gave advice to 16 year old boy in my sunday school class and was later approached by the bishopric saying that the young men's president would appreciate that if I give advice about how that boy could pass the sacrament better that it be told to him first. I'm sitting there like, OK I have no problem with that, but was it really necessary to go thru the bishopric to get me that message. Now, I have to walk around this guy at church who obviously has an issue with something that I did and didn't have the balls to either leave it alone and get over it, or come to me personally and tell me. He'd rather go crying to the bishopric and make an issue out of something so retarded. Everybody seems to have their own glorified rule book and can't seem to let small things go. They'd rather report every little retarded thing. Also, I swear, are there any sports fans in Utah? Nobody watches sports in Logan, nobody watches 24, Lost, Survivor etc. Everybody else does. If they're here, I am yet to find any of them after 6 years.

I'm just looking for an everyday person here that just has fun when they get home from work or church. Instead, I keep finding every newly wed that goes on walks with his wife every night or is in the middle of family home evening. Not one has more than 20 channels on their cable box if they have one at all. I go on walks with my wife and I do family home evening, but I'll tell you what..there's still a heck of a lot of time left in the day and I wouldn't know how to fill it without these extras. I even have three kids that I spend loads of time with. But 6 years of wife and kids and wife and kids without a single guy friend to maybe catch a ballgame with can get......well, let's just say it would be nice to throw in an occassional friend that would come over and hang out for a while.

I served a mission in Guatemala and loved every minute of it. It was the best experience of my life. I'm a very optimistic person and love to meet others. but when all the "others" I meet are big mormon nerds that would rather go home teaching than go see The da Vinci code, then that's where I lose it. I wish I had a better attitude about all this and believe me, have been waiting and waiting to prove myself wrong with the next guy I meet, but I'll tell you what.....I'm leaving in seven weeks and I'll keep looking until the last day. I know again that not all Utah is like this, but Logan however is all I have to go off of and it's looking pretty bleak. I wish the truth were different. I really do, EVERY DAY.

OH wait, I did meet one guy that I loved here. We had classes together and we studied our butts off together. He loved sports and cursed only once a day. He got married in the temple and "Moved to Aspen and out of my life forever!" OK not Aspend (Ogden) but you get the point.

One last thing, GO SUNS. YOU CAN DO IT!!!

We need more people like you everywhere in the church. People who think that there are other fun things to do that dont fit into the "mormon" sterotype.

 

[Wek]

Thanks, I appreciate that. I felt that my venting would take me overboard and make me look like and a__hole but I'm glad that my point squeazed through all my frustration. Again, thanks for your understanding, Kenny

 

[Bishka]

BTW, Kenny, yes the church does have a handbook, and the leaders are asked by the First Presidency to go by it. Oh, and is it such a horrible thing for anyone, even a newlywed to spend a lot of time with his wife?

 

[Wek]

I do realize that there are handbooks. However, if I just want to step aside and recommend something I don't think violates this handbook. I was just promoting what was already being taught by their leaders. Just because it wasn't from their leaders this time doesn't mean I was out of line. That's like the Bishop saying to do family home evening, but our neighbor next door isn't allowed to suggest we do it.

As far as walks with wives, I don't say they're bad because I go on family walks with my wife and three kids twice a week. I'm just saying that there's extra time left for a ball game. I'm just basically calling all the mormon guys (I've Met) in Logan "goody goodies" that unfortunately get too caught up in the letter of the law and need to learn how to be humans behind their robotic attempt for perfection.

But, this is just a thread that I used to vent my frustration. It doesn't mean I'm right or even rational. It just means I'm ready for game time with someone other than the arm of the couch. Pretty pathetic, I know.

After these moments of depression and longingness, I go right back to playing with my kids, doing thd dishes, picking up the house, starting a load of laundry, teasing my wife, and doing scripture study. And I honestly enjoy every minute of it. But again, I'm always ready for game time though. So anyone in the Logan area, feel free to stop by. Kenny

 

[Aqualung]

I don't really know what to say. I have never lived in Utah, and I have only gone to a YSA ward, which tend to be pretty easy going anyway. I agree that religion needs to be fun. People don't learn if they're bored out of their skulls, but I also believe church can get "too" fun, to where it's focused on the fun, rather than on God. Some people obviously have different ideas of what "too" fun is.

 

[Wek]

You're right. So a good balance or an appropriate balance (always based on the circumstances) is the best way to go.