Basically Unhappy, but Distracted

[Sunstone]

Would it be fair to characterize most of the people you actually know as basically or fundamentally unhappy, but most often distracted from their fundamental unhappiness by any number of things? Why or why not?

Additionally, if most of the people you know practice distraction, do most of the people you know bounce from one distraction to another? Or do they tend to obsess with just one or a few things?

For the purposes of this thread, I understand "happiness" to mean feelings of general well-being.

 

[Jayhawker Soule]

Most of the people I know are basically content, caring and engaged.

 

[Reverend Rick]

Is the glass half full or half empty? I guess it depends if your drinking water or pouring water.

 

[Onkara]

Would it be fair to characterize most of the people you actually know as basically or fundamentally unhappy, but most often distracted from their fundamental unhappiness by any number of things? Why or why not?

Additionally, if most of the people you know practice distraction, do most of the people you know bounce from one distraction to another? Or do they tend to obsess with just one or a few things?

Not unhappy, but aware that there can be improvements. The amount of focus and time they spend on that tends to be low but would lead to unhappiness if they can't improve.

Most people practice distraction, even with news or politics or cooking and house work i.e. practical required things. They may have specific likings i.e. "obsessions".

These might be related to the first question, but to be honest most of us just get on with our lives and are attracted to certain things more than other things.

 

[Jayhawker Soule]

Is the glass half full or half empty?

As a fiend of mine - a mechanical engineer - keeps reminding me: if you need to ask if the glass is half full or half empty, you're using the wrong glass.

 

[Sunstone]

Is the glass half full or half empty? I guess it depends if your drinking water or pouring water.

So, you're saying that the people you know are happy or unhappy depending on whether they are drinking water or pouring water? I'm not sure I follow what you're saying? But I just woke up.

 

[Sunstone]

What do you suppose Thoreau might have been referring to when he said most men lead lives of quiet desperation?

 

[Reverend Rick]

So, you're saying that the people you know are happy or unhappy depending on whether they are drinking water or pouring water? I'm not sure I follow what you're saying?

No, it is all about perception. I know people who have a good life but focus on the one thing that is going wrong in their life.

If every time we hit a bump in the road it ruins our day, we are going to be miserable.

I'm happy that my glass has any water in it at all.

 

[Sunstone]

Most people practice distraction, even with news or politics or cooking and house work i.e. practical required things. They may have specific likings i.e. "obsessions".

These might be related to the first question, but to be honest most of us just get on with our lives and are attracted to certain things more than other things.

I agree that one does not need to intend for something to be a distraction for it to be a distraction.

 

[Sunstone]

I know people who have a good life but focus on the one thing that is going wrong in their life.

Yikes! Man, does that sentence remind me of some people I've known!!!

 

[Reverend Rick]

I agree that one does not need to intend for something to be a distraction for it to be a distraction.

I'm thankful for the distractions in my life. If I was unable to divert my attention away from my problems, I would most likely be miserable.

 

[Sunstone]

Suppose you were god. You knew a guy named Job. Only -- in a twist on the Biblical story -- you didn't deprive him of all he owned and then afflict him with boils. Instead you stripped away everything that distracted Job from whether he was basically or fundamentally happy or unhappy. Would Job discover himself to be happy or unhappy, should you strip away his distractions?

Now apply that to the people you know. Would most of them be happy or unhappy if someone or something stripped away their distractions?

 

[Sunstone]

I'm thankful for the distractions in my life. If I was unable to divert my attention away from my problems, I would most likely be miserable.

You have some formidable problems. I now and then at random moments discover myself feeling concern for you.

 

[Kathryn]

What do you suppose Thoreau might have been referring to when he said most men lead lives of quiet desperation?

I think it says a lot about Thoreau.

I wouldn't say that MOST people I know are unhappy. Happiness doesn't seem to depend much on actual circumstances though. Some people are surrounded by comfort and opulence and are miserable. Others live spartan lives filled with difficulty and are full of joy.

Corrie ten Boom's sister managed to be at peace, and even joyful, as she was dying in a concentration camp during WW2. Marie Antoinette seemed to have a need for a ridiculous level of "distraction" in order to make it through each day.

I personally like to keep my mind and body busy. I love to learn and create. I don't consider these activities - whether it's researching something online or painting a mural - to be distractions. I consider them to be energizing activities that give me a sense of personal growth and expression.

I do think that it's important to allow ourselves time each day to be introspective and quiet - listening rather than talking, accepting rather than forcing. Meditation, prayer, or just a walk alone usually does the trick.

Life is poignant. My signature quote pretty much sums up my feelings on the concept of joy.

 

[Sunstone]

I think it says a lot about Thoreau.

Of course, but what do you suppose he might have meant?

 

[Reverend Rick]

You have some formidable problems. I now and then at random moments discover myself feeling concern for you.

Problems can be over whelming if you hyper focus on them. Distractions that offer temporary relief and escapism is great so long as you use the time to rest and prepare yourself to deal with issues in your life at another time.

I say to myself when I am down, I will deal with that next week and try to get things off my mind this weekend. As long as you deal with unpleasant things that next week it is healthy.

When you deal with something later on, there is a feeling of accomplishment which raises your spirits.

The problem is, many times there are no solutions to our problems no matter how aggressive we attack them. There is no need to worry about things you cannot control. If you don't find distractions, your problems will consume you.

 

[Sunstone]

Problems can be over whelming if you hyper focus on them. Distractions that offer temporary relief and escapism is great so long as you use the time to rest and prepare yourself to deal with issues in your life at another time.

I say to myself when I am down, I will deal with that next week and try to get things off my mind this weekend. As long as you deal with unpleasant things that next week it is healthy.

When you deal with something later on, there is a feeling of accomplishment which raises your spirits.

The problem is, many times there are no solutions to our problems no matter how aggressive we attack them. There is no need to worry about things you cannot control. If you don't find distractions, your problems will consume you.

Great advice, Rick!

What is the relationship between expectations and our need for distractions? If we did not expect any better than we got, would we still feel a need for distractions?

 

[Reverend Rick]

Great advice, Rick!

What is the relationship between expectations and our need for distractions? If we did not expect any better than we got, would we still feel a need for distractions?

I would think we would need distractions even more if there was no hope for the future.

The relationship would be, the happier we are, the less distractions we would need.

Think about it, if you had your dream job and enjoyed every minute you where at work, would you want to take a vacation?

 

[Jayhawker Soule]

I think much can be said for the three pillars of gratitude, charity, and curiosity. There is still room for distraction and dissatisfaction, but they need to actively compete for attention.

 

[Madhuri]

Would it be fair to characterize most of the people you actually know as basically or fundamentally unhappy, but most often distracted from their fundamental unhappiness by any number of things? Why or why not?

Additionally, if most of the people you know practice distraction, do most of the people you know bounce from one distraction to another? Or do they tend to obsess with just one or a few things?

For the purposes of this thread, I understand "happiness" to mean feelings of general well-being.

Actually yes, most people I know, even the ones who seem to smile and act cheerfully in social situations, are fundamentally unhappy imo.

As far as practicing distraction, I am not sure if people tend to bounce or obsess. I think people probably behave differently according to a number of factors.

I think that most people are unhappy because there are aspects of our lives that are left unsatisfied. I think that between natural phenomenon such as disease and death, social phenomenon such as disputes and ostracism and technological or man-made systems such as the economy make it very difficult for people to have a relatively stress-free and fulfilled life.

This is perhaps where many religions try to step in and tell us not to be attached to material nature, or to submit to God. Such teachings can completely change a person's attitude toward the things that happen to us or just not let the bad things bring us down so far.