Being Childfree

Ashoka · Aug 22, 2022

I put this in the debates forum because there's no way this won't turn into a debate.

I'm a woman in my thirties and childfree by choice. I've been told so many times that I am selfish for choosing not to bring children into this world.

I don't hate children. I'm an auntie that spoils her friend's kids. But I have no desire to be a mom. Like, at all. I firmly believe that this world is horribly overpopulated, and with the way things are right now, I don't want to bring a child into the world. I'm content right now with where I am in my life; I have a home, a job, and two cats. I live next to my parents and visit them daily. In the future maybe I will start a romantic relationship. I'm whole, without the need for children.

Is anyone else here childfree by choice? What are your thoughts on couples or single people who decide to live childfree?

JustGeorge · Aug 22, 2022

What other people do(or don't do) is none of my business.

Kenny · Aug 22, 2022

Not wanting a child does not make one selfish.

I am now an empty nester and don't want any more children either.

ChristineM · Aug 22, 2022

Do what you feel is right and you can't go wrong.

Quagmire · Aug 22, 2022

The world could always use a few more kid-spoiling aunties.

Watchmen · Aug 22, 2022

I’m not childfree, but I absolutely support a person’s choice to be childfree. Actor Sean Hayes is childfree and often says, “I’d rather regret not having children than regret having children.” It’s not for everyone and that’s perfectly fine! In fact, there are many people having children that probably shouldn’t be! Life doesn’t need children to be fulfilling.

Secret Chief · Aug 22, 2022

Childfree by choice, two cats, 8 billion humans is MORE than enough.

Valjean · Aug 22, 2022

How are you being selfish? How are these critics defining selfish? Clearly you can have no moral duty to the nonexistent, Your choice harms noöne. On the contrary, it greatly benefits the ecosystem and humanity as a whole.
What is the lifetime carbon footprint of a human being in the U.S? That's all on the creator of the carbon source. That would be a parent.
They should be praising you for your humanitarianism and environmental concern.

STOP IT! Why are you excusing a praisworthy act? The fact that it materially benefits you, personally, is not selfishness.

Humanity is living beyond its means. It's using resources faster than they can be replenished, and warring over access. We're destroying the ecosystem and initiating a sixth mass extinction. Breeding harms all life on the planet.
Have you pointed this out to your critics? Have they thought about this, or are they merely following their conventionalism?

I, and pretty much everyone I know, have no children.

VoidCat · Aug 22, 2022

Well I'm 20. I am way too young to have kids lol. I can't care for myself let alone a munchkin. I do have a friend who has DID and I sometimes parent them when one of their child altars front. But that's about it. I dont know if i will or won't have kids in the future i dont want them now for sure

Evangelicalhumanist · Aug 22, 2022

Everyone has the right, in my view, to choose how they will live their lives -- so long as they don't harm others.

I'm childfree because I'm gay, and don't engage in activities that are going to turn me into a parent.

BUT! That is, in fact, a good thing. I was a very battered child, lived a whole childhood in care trying to recover some equilibrium. But here's something I know -- abused children tend to become abusive parents (not always, members should not take offence!). I would not wish to be an abusive parent. In fact, I'm happy to say that my best friend has two wonderful kids for whom I am the crazy "uncle" who buys all the presents mom and dad would never think of. I enjoy that so much.

But I also know, if I had to go through the daily life that my friend and his lovely wife do, there is a huge chance that I would not be so good for those kids. We try, but we do not control, entirely, every aspect of our lives and our responses to it.

My first lover was one of 13 kids. His father was thin as a rail (all the exercise, I guess) and his mother was perfectly round, but he could never keep his hands off her, which explains the size of the brood. But it was a good brood; there was love! (My lover and I gave them a surprise 40th anniversary party that included flying relatives in from Europe and Australia).

People who want children -- I think they should have them, in abundance and in joy. People who don't want children -- well, I know something about what it is like to be an unwanted child, and I applaud their choice in not bring another of those into the world.

We are all unique. We deserve to live as we choose.

John53 · Aug 22, 2022

I don't understand why someone would think it's selfish. It would be good if someone who holds that view could explain the reasoning.

Yerda · Aug 22, 2022

I'm also childfree in my late thirties. Got a nine year-old nephew who I spend a lot of time with and a new baby niece who I'm getting to know. I love them both but that's plenty children in my life; people who want children are missing a brain hemisphere or something.

Shaul · Aug 22, 2022

Cool beans, whatever floats your boat. There is nothing wrong with choosing remaining childless. On the other hand, I’ve never known someone on their death bed saying they wish they had never had kids. Such people no doubt exist, but I’ve never known any.

Viker · Aug 22, 2022

I'm childfree sort of by choice. I've identified as transgender most of my life now. So, after taking measures to possibly transition in full, I am incapable of reproduction. In a way, childfree by decision. I really don't regret it. Although having little ones running around wouldn't have been terrible. And I think children are awesome.

ADigitalArtist · Aug 23, 2022

Nobody should have kids unless they're very invested in the notion. But even if you want children, most young millenials and older gen z I know in the US who had kids regret it, have continuous funancial and emotional strain, and come to resent their kids. This is a ****ty time for kids even if you're one of the tiny percentile of middle class in that category. Between climate change, severe income inequality, regressive conservative policies, you'd be better off putting the debt you'll accrue into your retirement (or moving to a less **** country). Staying child free is, imo, the smart decision. Having children is the romantic one.

Ashoka · Aug 23, 2022

Oh I do too! I love to babysit, hang out. They're so blunt. My bosses brought their kids in briefly, and they ran to the office manager (because they know her) and the office manager looks at one of the kids, a little girl, and goes, "Hey this is (my real name)! Do you want to say hi!"

She said no xD

Valjean · Aug 23, 2022

Raising children is a hobby; an expensive, usually harmful one.
If one is determined to pursue this hobby, I'd suggest adopting. Adoption at least doesn't add to the climate and biodiversity crises,

Vinayaka · Aug 23, 2022

I have 3 childfree adult children, and totally support their choice. I think the folks who preach at childfree people should keep their nose out of other people's business. I'm sorry you are discriminated against in this way.

amorphous_constellation · Aug 23, 2022

I am in my 30's too, and sort of have a similar outlook. To me there are a variety of reasons. Overpopulation is one, sure, but there are couple others. I don't think I would know how to raise a kid. It comes from seeing the tension in my family, half of them are fit to do an interview the soft white underbelly channel. I was never once encouraged by any of them to pursue having a family, they themselves always told me it was a money sink, along with many other people I've met.

My dad was a really bad alcoholic, and I think so was his dad, and my ma's step-dad was too. Two of her brothers were alcoholics, and one died of liver failure. One my cousins from him died of an overdose. My middle brother went to be homeless after a bad argument with my dad, though he later got a place. My youngest brother has a history of bar fights, and got a battery charge. The friends I had from high school I eventually de-friended, realizing how much they gaslit me, and hazed me.

I could go on about all of it, and have enough. But it all kind of culminates in me not being a position to know how to child-rear. That, and I only make 40k a year. And I think that in this day and age, one probably wants more of an excess income to have a kid

TagliatelliMonster · Aug 24, 2022

Wow.... I don't get that at all. How is that selfish?
Selfish would be to get kids and then not putting them first because you really didn't want children.

To then choose not to fall for social convention and just not have kids instead, seems to me to be the opposite of selfish.

I get that. And I'm a happy dad. Still, I get that.
I too sometimes ask myself what kind of world my kids, and their generation, will inherit from us.
Likely I won't be there to witness it, but it seems likely to me that my children, or at best their children, are looking at a rather grim future when climate change is going to reach ever more problematic heights and will eventually hit that point that scientists have been warning for for decades that we should try and avoid that point....

First, I fully respect your choice. I am going to simply give my personal opinion.

I think you might regret it when you are older, like in your 70s.
I have 2 kids and wanted kids. What I'm about to say had nothing to do with my motivation for why I wanted kids. It's instead just an observation I made over the years as I grew older myself.

When I look around at the more elderly people... Sometimes I see what-I-can-only-call tragic situations where old people are in a nursing home all by themselves. No family left. No ability to see their friends that are still alive, due to them not being in the same nursing home.

These are always people that either didn't have kids or, far far more tragic, lost their kids to accidents, desease,... or sometimes simply due to family feuds.

These people are extremely lonely. All they seem to be doing all day long, is waiting to die.

Honestly, such a prospect for my end of life scares the sh!t out of me.

I could yap about the cliché stuff about how my kids "completed me" in ways that you can't imagine unless you have kids etc... but that's nonsense imo. Yes, it's something most parents would say / confirm, but I don't think that's a reason for anyone to get kids. If you are happy, you are happy... period.

Everyone lives his / her life as they see fit.

But if you ask me downright what my thoughts are concerning people / couples that live a childfree life...
Well, that's my answer. I don't think you require children to live a full and happy life.
But I do observe that when nearing the end of your life.... Family, your own children in particular, is what keeps you company, brings love into your life, gives you a reason to wake up in the morning.

By that point, most of the family you grew up with is going to be dead already. Or they'll be old like you (and not necessarily capable of visiting).

Again, none of that influenced my decision / urge to have kids.
But the idea of potentially having to spend my end of life without loved-ones around me... that scares me big time.

Being Childfree

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