Being told "you're pretty"

[bicker]

I find the discussion a bit interesting, though not straight-on. I don't see any point in a stranger walking up to anyone they don't know and saying anything, except for something like, "You just dripped coffee on your blouse, you might want to try to clean it off while it is still wet," or, "Your laptop computer is about to fall out of your backpack." In other words, providing a well-intentioned warning about some danger the stranger faces but is unaware of. Alternatively, I could also see a stranger initiating a discussion to secure assistance: "I'm lost; could you please direct me to Center Street." Beyond that, a non-committal smile and nod is the most I would expect strangers to afford each other.

Pardon the partial thread hijack, but what caught my attention in this discussion though was the idea that a certain set of people (I won't say "women", but if this doesn't ring true for any men you have ever met, then I won't be concerned if you think of it applying only to a certain set of women) -- a certain set of people work diligently to make themselves visually attractive, and then some folks within this set see fit to react negatively when their efforts are successful.

So while I agree it would be inappropriate for a stranger to walk up to you and tell you that you're pretty, I think there is something wrong with reacting any more negatively to that than you would react negatively to that stranger telling you that you're human, or that you're walking down Main Street, or that you're wearing a backpack. If you work hard to make yourself attractive, and the react any differently to someone telling you you're attractive rather than telling you what species you are, where you are, or what you're wearing (i.e., things you didn't actually work hard to achieve), then I have to wonder about your motivations.

 

[Comicaze247]

lol well... you're not creep looking right? That's that only downfall.

I have pics in my profile PM me whether or not you think I am.

 

[Kathryn]

So while I agree it would be inappropriate for a stranger to walk up to you and tell you that you're pretty, I think there is something wrong with reacting any more negatively to that than you would react negatively to that stranger telling you that you're human, or that you're walking down Main Street, or that you're wearing a backpack. If you work hard to make yourself attractive, and the react any differently to someone telling you you're attractive rather than telling you what species you are, where you are, or what you're wearing (i.e., things you didn't actually work hard to achieve), then I have to wonder about your motivations.

Wow, I find this sort of weird, but then we all bring our own baggage to any conversation. I am from the southern US - born and bred here. Southerners in general are just more accessible, more talkative I guess. We tend to give compliments easily, strike up conversations with strangers more readily.

That being said, I often give complete strangers genuine compliments - why not? If I see a woman with a great haircut, I tell her I really like her hair. If I see a man in a striking suit, I tell him I think his suit is striking. Likewise, I often have people give me some sort of compliment on looks or clothing or hair.

In fact, I sort of have a little personal "Pay it forward" mentality - I like giving people sincere compliments - I think it makes the world a nicer place. I am actually on the prowl for things to compliment others on.

I don't think a southern woman EVER minds a sincere compliment! I remember one time when I was a teenager - my mother walked across the room on her way to the kitchen and my boyfriend whispered, "Damn, your mama's good lookin'!" and my mother turned around and blushed and said, "Bless your heart, you just made my day!"

So tell that pretty girl that you think she's pretty - just don't drool when you say it and you'll probably be fine. Sure it's a little risky, but that's what makes it exciting!

 

[BHSU_Student]

I'd think "stunning" is a bit much. While they are stunning, I just for some reason don't see that as the thing to say.

My point is to say something that is less cliche. Although I tend to say things that are cliche, so I know I kind of contradicted myself. But, that was the point, to say something that no one else usually says.

That's exactly what I was planning on doing . . .

Good.

Actually, she had a huge smile on her face and thanked me. Now I could be just assuming things, but from what I've seen, whenever a woman puts her hand to her chest, it's kind of an "oh my god" kind of reaction. Am I right about that? Because that's what she did when she thanked me

I haven't studied hands extensively. I pay attention mostly to eyes and facial expressions, so I don't know. Sounds good though. Personally, I would not say "I'm not trying to creep you out or anything." Get rid of the word creep, because this implies that you have creeped women out before. It also sounds as though you have low self esteem by saying it. Say something more positive, like "I'm not trying to hit on you, but I think you are beautiful." (I used that one before). But ultimately, keep in mind... It's not so much as what you say, but how you say it. Communication is only 7% verbal. If you look and sound highly confident while saying it, and act casual about it, you can get away with it.

Yeah, I do that too, but what I'm talking about is like, I pass a girl in the hall, and just looking at her makes my eyes lock on hers. Kind of like being struck speechless. I just usually feel like I have to say something.

Also if you have a desire to say something, but there is some kind of hesitation or anxiousness, it will create body language that comes off as creepy (without you realizing it, take it from me). If you want to say something, never hesitate. Be quick and get it over with without putting too much thought into it, and don't worry if she finds it creepy or not. If she does find it creepy, then she has issues and needs to learn how to take a compliment.

 

[BHSU_Student]

Pardon the partial thread hijack, but what caught my attention in this discussion though was the idea that a certain set of people (I won't say "women", but if this doesn't ring true for any men you have ever met, then I won't be concerned if you think of it applying only to a certain set of women) -- a certain set of people work diligently to make themselves visually attractive, and then some folks within this set see fit to react negatively when their efforts are successful.

So while I agree it would be inappropriate for a stranger to walk up to you and tell you that you're pretty, I think there is something wrong with reacting any more negatively to that than you would react negatively to that stranger telling you that you're human, or that you're walking down Main Street, or that you're wearing a backpack. If you work hard to make yourself attractive, and the react any differently to someone telling you you're attractive rather than telling you what species you are, where you are, or what you're wearing (i.e., things you didn't actually work hard to achieve), then I have to wonder about your motivations.

I'd say that this society nurtures paranoia. Males are often the aggressors in many scenarios. 15% of women will get raped in their lifetime. So a compliment from a complete stranger is likely going to elicit a defensive reaction (even though most of the perpetrators of rapes are not strangers, women are more likely to be raped by someone they know). We are socialized to believe that talking to strangers is dangerous, we are taught that by our parents. The media creates a false perception that the most dangerous people are strangers (the fact is that you are more likely to be killed by one of your own family members or co-workers, rather than a stranger).

 

[Gentoo]

Honestly, I'd ask "What do you want." Perhaps followed by "Why do you feel the need to insult someone you don't know? Besides it's not like I haven't heard it all before."

But that just goes to show what kind of experience I've had when it comes to my looks: not pleasant. I'd much rather be complimented on something more substantial than just appearance.

 

[Storm]

I'm confused, Gen. Are you saying that you would consider being told you're pretty an insult?

 

[Gentoo]

I'm confused, Gen. Are you saying that you would consider being told you're pretty an insult?

Yes..

 

[Storm]

Why??

 

[Gentoo]

I'd explain, but it'd be a long and boring story... I was just saying that I wouldn't like it if someone came up to me and said I was pretty, I would seriously wonder what their motive was.

 

[Trey of Diamonds]

Do you people know just how hard it is to not spontanously burst into song while reading this thread? I'm trying to hold back, really trying...

 

[angellous_evangellous]

You guys could just do what works for me... I tell good looking women how adorable I am.

 

[Comicaze247]

Do you people know just how hard it is to not spontanously burst into song while reading this thread? I'm trying to hold back, really trying...

Why would you burst into song? :areyoucra

 

[Kilgore Trout]

Do you people know just how hard it is to not spontanously burst into song while reading this thread? I'm trying to hold back, really trying...

No doubt. It's very difficult to keep the lyrics from 'Closer' by NIN out of my head.

 

[Trey of Diamonds]

Why would you burst into song? :areyoucra

You asked for it.

MARIA
I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and bright!
And I pity
Any girl who isn't me tonight.

I feel charming,
Oh, so charming
It's alarming how charming I feel!
And so pretty
That I hardly can believe I'm real.

See the pretty girl in that mirror there:
Who can that attractive girl be?
Such a pretty face,
Such a pretty dress,
Such a pretty smile,
Such a pretty me!

I feel stunning
And entrancing,
Feel like running and dancing for joy,
For I'm loved
By a pretty wonderful boy!

GIRLS
Have you met my good friend Maria,
The craziest girl on the block?
You'll know her the minute you see her,
She's the one who is in an advanced state of shock.

She thinks she's in love.
She thinks she's in Spain.
She isn't in love,
She's merely insane.

It must be the heat
Or some rare disease,
Or too much to eat
Or maybe it's fleas.

Keep away from her,
Send for Chino!
This is not the
Maria we know!

Modest and pure,
Polite and refined,
Well-bred and mature
And out of her mind!

MARIA
I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty
That the city should give me its key.
A committee
Should be organized to honor me.

GIRLS
La la la la . . .

MARIA
I feel dizzy,
I feel sunny,
I feel fizzy and funny and fine,
And so pretty,
Miss America can just resign!

GIRLS
La la la la . . .

MARIA
See the pretty girl in that mirror there:

GIRLS
What mirror where?

MARIA
Who can that attractive girl be?

GIRLS
Which? What? Where? Whom?

MARIA
Such a pretty face,
Such a pretty dress,
Such a pretty smile,
Such a pretty me!

GIRLS
Such a pretty me!

ALL
I feel stunning
And entrancing,
Feel like running and dancing for joy,
For I'm loved
By a pretty wonderful boy!

Ahhhhh, I feel so much better now that that's out.

 

[Comicaze247]

I haven't studied hands extensively. I pay attention mostly to eyes and facial expressions, so I don't know. Sounds good though.

It's all about the body language. Hands and arms matter a LOT.

Personally, I would not say "I'm not trying to creep you out or anything." Get rid of the word creep, because this implies that you have creeped women out before. It also sounds as though you have low self esteem by saying it.

The way I see it, it's also just showing that you're socially aware enough to know that people might find it creepy.

Say something more positive, like "I'm not trying to hit on you, but I think you are beautiful." (I used that one before). But ultimately, keep in mind... It's not so much as what you say, but how you say it. Communication is only 7% verbal. If you look and sound highly confident while saying it, and act casual about it, you can get away with it.

Oh yeah, I know.

 

[Don Penguinoini]

Y'all reading too much into it. Just do it and see what happens.

 

[Kathryn]

I'd explain, but it'd be a long and boring story... I was just saying that I wouldn't like it if someone came up to me and said I was pretty, I would seriously wonder what their motive was.

WOW. OK, you haven't shared your reasons yet, so my mind is running rampant. Did a perverted clown tell you you were pretty right before he knocked you over the head with a styrofoam hammer, and dragged you behind the concession stand and molested you?

I mean, even if that were the case, surely you could be objective enough to know that in probably 99.96 percent of the time, when someone tells someone else they are pretty, they are just being a pleasant person.

As for being afraid of strangers who give you compliments - how on earth do people ever get married?

Everyone is a stranger to everyone else at some point.

MOVE PAST THE DISCOMFORT.

 

[Kathryn]

It's all about the body language. Hands and arms matter a LOT.


The way I see it, it's also just showing that you're socially aware enough to know that people might find it creepy.


Oh yeah, I know.

If you smile and tell a girl, "I just have to tell you this - I think you're really pretty," I can't imagine her being weirded out by that - unless SHE'S a weirdo, and if that's the case, you may as well find it out earlier rather than later.

If when you tell her this, she smiles and does something like touch her face, or reach up and touch her hair, then you've hit a positive nerve. When someone touches their face or hair when you're talking to them, it shows that they want to be attractive to you.

 

[monta]

Huh, I guess the use of the word pretty as an insult is culturally specific to either Ireland or Cork,
'I locked my keys in the house'
' you are so pretty'

To answer your question, yes that would be weird especially if she is on her own. If you smile at her she will know you think she is 'pretty' so why bother?