Body image

[Wherenextcolumbus]

Those are just marks of character. They're what make a person interesting to others. I dabble in portrait painting and so called "perfection" sucks as a subject. Give me a crooked nose and I'm happy.

Yeah, but I guess I feel the pressure to look perfect, it's not rational, if someone said the same thing to me I would think they are overreacting, but sometimes you just can't help thinking it about yourself.
It's mostly what I've done with my hair that makes me interesting to others

 

[Aquitaine]

I tire of people being continually told, conditioned how to look. Obviously hygiene and a degree of tidiness is beneficial and practical, but I'm talking about all the "Health & Beauty" non-sense, the constant Media bombardment - advert after advert, character after character, portrayal after portrayal etc.

This idea that every woman has to aspire to look like Jennifer Aniston, and every man Ryan Reynolds. Does my head in - although it's one of the reasons I watch virtually no TV nowadays, which is good.

I often wonder how many times an average person sees an advert per day, and how many of them focus on one's image.....

 

[Aquitaine]

I guess the trade-off is that the group of guys I know do it when they believe they are alone, but then they go into much detail because of their perceived privacy amongst themselves. The problem is that sometimes they don't know who is in the next room and how far their conversation travels.

So it makes it kind of awkward that I work with people for which I know exactly what number they rate me on a scale of 1-10, with decimal points, and what they think of my breast size, face, build, etc.

Did you confront them on it - let them know on a scale of 1-10 how shallow, inconsiderate & loud they were?

 

[Sunstone]

I've had friends in high school or college where we've talked between ourselves about a particular guy being hot or cute, but never really in a negative way, or going into much physical detail.

That's pretty much how my male friends and I discuss women. We say someone is hot, cute, or beautiful, and seldom, if ever, go into much detail. The one exception being when we tease each other about being overly and hopelessly attracted to someone's breasts or such. But that's not really a comment on the woman, but rather a joke at the man's expense.

Maybe it's just because of how I was raised, but I am extremely uncomfortable when I find myself in a group that is discussing women's parts and ranking their attractiveness. I usually leave, whenever that's possible.

 

[Sunstone]

Yeah, but I guess I feel the pressure to look perfect, it's not rational, if someone said the same thing to me I would think they are overreacting, but sometimes you just can't help thinking it about yourself.

I sometimes find myself worried how I look to others too. Especially since reading in a Roger Ailes book (of all improbable places!) that everyone, today, is constantly being compared to movie stars -- that is, that our expectations for what others should be are being set, not by reality, but by what we see in the movies, on TV, in magazines, etc.

It's mostly what I've done with my hair that makes me interesting to others

That strikes me as reasonable though because what you choose to do with your hair says more about you as a person than what you were simply born with.

 

[DallasApple]

When I was 15 I thought I was fat,

:yes: I was 12 .

 

[Titanic]

I tire of people being continually told, conditioned how to look. Obviously hygiene and a degree of tidiness is beneficial and practical, but I'm talking about all the "Health & Beauty" non-sense, the constant Media bombardment - advert after advert, character after character, portrayal after portrayal etc.

This idea that every woman has to aspire to look like Jennifer Aniston, and every man Ryan Reynolds. Does my head in - although it's one of the reasons I watch virtually no TV nowadays, which is good.

I often wonder how many times an average person sees an advert per day, and how many of them focus on one's image.....

More like Kate Upton then Jennifer Aniston nowdays. Hey just saying.

 

[Aquitaine]

More like Kate Upton then Jennifer Aniston nowdays. Hey just saying.

After a quick Google search, you're probably right. My head seems to be stuck in the 90's lol.

Kate Upton and Ryan Reynolds, the "next generation" of this sort of conditioning.

 

[Titanic]

After a quick Google search, you're probably right. My head seems to be stuck in the 90's lol.

Kate Upton and Ryan Reynolds, the "next generation" of this sort of conditioning.

Yep. When Kate Upton popped onto the scene it seemed like all the men and some women for that matter went crazy. Go figure really I guess.

 

[Penumbra]

Did you confront them on it - let them know on a scale of 1-10 how shallow, inconsiderate & loud they were?

No, I tend not to get bothered by that kind of stuff. I'm friends with them now; we drink beers and watch movies together sometimes.

I had a detached kind of shock to it, rather than personal anger. Like, "I can't believe they're talking about me like that." Followed by the awkward issue of knowing which two co-workers think my breasts are too small, which two think they're okay, among various other positive, negative, and neutral descriptions of my body, and the various numerical ratings each one has assigned to me.

There was one time, like a year later, I forget the exact context, but I think one guy said this one actress is hot, and I sort of casually said, "Better than an X.Y?" referring to the exact number he gave me. He kind of thought for a second and then got an, "oh crap" look on his face. Funny stuff that was.

 

[Aquitaine]

No, I tend not to get bothered by that kind of stuff. I'm friends with them now; we drink beers and watch movies together sometimes.

I had a detached kind of shock to it, rather than personal anger. Like, "I can't believe they're talking about me like that." Followed by the awkward issue of knowing which two co-workers think my breasts are too small, which two think they're okay, among various other positive, negative, and neutral descriptions of my body, and the various numerical ratings each one has assigned to me.

There was one time, like a year later, I forget the exact context, but I think one guy said this one actress is hot, and I sort of casually said, "Better than an X.Y?" referring to the exact number he gave me. He kind of thought for a second and then got an, "oh crap" look on his face. Funny stuff that was.

Hahaha! Busted!

In all honesty, I think a significant part of that sort of behaviour is encouraged by being in a group (especially all of the same Gender), where individuals will say/think stuff they wouldn't normally. Each member raises the bar and encourages further, more-critical participation, and obviously since everyone wants to be "in" they all play along. Sometimes people will just outright lie in order to conform, for fear of having their "taste" criticised. I remember seeing that a lot in high school, but then again everyone was a horny teenager in those days!

 

[DallasApple]

One time my husband (yeah the guilty one) was talking to a few guys he knew in a work enviroment(they didnt work together just had occasion in the industry to know one another) ..anyway one of the guys was recently married but my husband had never met his wife.She was there but away from them ..my husband saw her and said "oh my god everything was great with that chick over there like nice a**.. great until she turned around she has a face like a dog" and great t**ts too but I would have to put a bag over her head...his friend said 'thats my wife".

As far as I'm concerned its about time they get on the receiving end of that kind of ****.To get caught AND to have their wives judged like that.

 

[Wherenextcolumbus]

I sometimes find myself worried how I look to others too. Especially since reading in a Roger Ailes book (of all improbable places!) that everyone, today, is constantly being compared to movie stars -- that is, that our expectations for what others should be are being set, not by reality, but by what we see in the movies, on TV, in magazines, etc.




That strikes me as reasonable though because what you choose to do with your hair says more about you as a person than what you were simply born with.

I find the difficult thing about it all is trying to distinguish if I hate certain things about how I look because of other people or it's my own problem, or if I desire to look a certain way because of beauty standards or because of myself as an individual.
My hair rebels against beauty standards but at the same time I find myself wishing I looked better for no other reason just to look better, I blame photoshop and the evils people do with it!

 

[Penumbra]

I find the difficult thing about it all is trying to distinguish if I hate certain things about how I look because of other people or it's my own problem, or if I desire to look a certain way because of beauty standards or because of myself as an individual.
My hair rebels against beauty standards but at the same time I find myself wishing I looked better for no other reason just to look better, I blame photoshop and the evils people do with it!

My guess it would be a bit of both. Most cultures have some appreciation of self-beauty, working to improve or change their appearance. Other animals use displays of beauty as well, though naturally they're not really self conscious about it without sapience and mirrors and stuff.

I'm sure I'm subtly influenced by culture, but generally if I'm dissatisfied with some aspect of my body, it generally feels like what you described: "for no other reason just to look better".

 

[Aquitaine]

I find the difficult thing about it all is trying to distinguish if I hate certain things about how I look because of other people or it's my own problem, or if I desire to look a certain way because of beauty standards or because of myself as an individual.
My hair rebels against beauty standards but at the same time I find myself wishing I looked better for no other reason just to look better, I blame photoshop and the evils people do with it!

Aye - the practice of digitally-manipulating models in an already image-conscious society is something to be feared.

 

[Sunstone]

I find the difficult thing about it all is trying to distinguish if I hate certain things about how I look because of other people or it's my own problem, or if I desire to look a certain way because of beauty standards or because of myself as an individual.

Good questions! I wonder just how much our standards we set for ourselves come from within or come from what we suppose are the expectations of others. I am fairly convinced that, in most matters, we can make ourselves very unhappy by trying to live up to other people's standards. I suppose it's no different when it comes to looks.

My hair rebels against beauty standards but at the same time I find myself wishing I looked better for no other reason just to look better, I blame photoshop and the evils people do with it!

I have a friend who face doesn't appeal to me, although I adore her as a person. However, she does such creative things with her hair that I find myself feeling pleasantly excited just to see her and whatever new style she's wearing. She's genuinely inspirational.

 

[Rakhel]

There are times I will look in the mirror and say, " you are quite beautiful!" and there are other times I see a fat slob. I think it mostly has to do with what I'm wearing at the time.

There are only a few stores in nyc that are geared toward fat people(Yes, I said it. cuz I am fat). and of those few, less than half actually sell clothes that, IMO, would make any woman feel sexy and I would love to have to money to shop there. The rest, while in my price range, have these things that look like tents. Big, ugly tents.

I don't know , That was my big rant for the day.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

It's still attitude and the way a woman carries herself that makes me turn my head toward her. Husband does tell me he likes my ***, and finds me physically attractive, but I can relate to what has him attracted to me and my body. He always told me it was my confidence, how I enter a room, that attracts him. It was when I yelled at him the first time we met saying that accepting a drink from a stranger was stupid because he "could have put anything in that drink." He tells me that was what got him completely hooked and hoping for the next several months that he would move out of the "friend" zone. Why? Not because of any arbitrary body measurement, but because I was unafraid to speak my mind on the spot.

I say I can relate because I can't count how many times a non-conventional beauty and fireball will walk by me, and I just can't help but be completely mesmerized by her. It isn't her measurements - at all - or how her skin looks, or if she has the perfect outfit on (there's no such thing). It's her smile, the way she walks with purpose, the way she makes eye contact. There's something about a woman who is comfortable in her own skin that makes me go nuts and where I can't take my eyes off her.

I once dated a woman who was so self-critical of herself. It was depressing. When she wasn't getting into her own head and she would relax and be with friends, hanging out, playing pool, I just thought she was stunning. But she always told me that she felt awkward and thought she was too lanky, too "uneven" with legs that reached forever (and she criticized her own torso for being too short). I used to tell her that if she only saw herself the way I saw her.

But what's truly sad is I would understand where she was coming from. I would reassure her of how beautiful I thought she was, and then I'd catch myself criticizing how I looked in a leotard. Silly Mystic.

 

[Aquitaine]

But what's truly sad is I would understand where she was coming from. I would reassure her of how beautiful I thought she was, and then I'd catch myself criticizing how I looked in a leotard. Silly Mystic.

Aye, that's the problem - we can't view ourselves through others' lens, so there's always going to be that lingering insecurity of "Am I right?", which also applies to whether or not we're happy with our image.

Unfortunately, it appears that we look to society in order to determine what's "normal/attractive" in terms of looks, which is problematic in my opinion given the nature of our image-obsessed, paranoid, artificial culture.

 

[Alceste]

I am not that happy with my body, but not so unhappy that I am going to do anything about it.

We didn't bother hiring a photographer for our wedding because neither of us consider ourselves at all photogenic. We thought it would be a waste of money.

So I guess I don't feel attractive, but I also don't care that much and I never have, really. At times I've actually tried to make myself less attractive because I was tired of getting sexual attention. I've completely shaved my head. Twice. To the skin. Lol. I used to go out in my pyjama bottoms. Didn't shave. Even after twenty years of being sexually active, though, it still comes as a surprise when people are attracted to me.

I would like to be fitter. Stronger and a little leaner, with more energy. It seems when I work out I don't lose weight though. I just build muscle mass fairly quickly and my shape changes a little.