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Can Long Distance Internet Relationships Work?
- Thread starter Sunstone
- Start date
Even more than is typical in face to face relationships, internet relationships are based on an image of the other that tends to be false.
Misunderstood
Active Member
Yes.
In my experience, the success rate is lower than in person. But using voice communication or video chat makes it more like in person. I think people can fall in love from just text communication and interaction but is what you are falling in love with real or a lie? It's harder to get away with some kinds of lies in person.
In both cases knowing someone for a sufficient amount of time makes it more do-able. I know some people online better than people I know in person, just because I've known them online for years. But even on the phone it's always gonna have surprises.
No one is exactly who they are in real life, as they are online. Online there is always (to me) this cloud of confusion, so to speak. Hard to read people. On the phone? I might know you better than you know yourself. In person? It's a toss up depending on how well my visual attention is focused on you.
In both cases knowing someone for a sufficient amount of time makes it more do-able. I know some people online better than people I know in person, just because I've known them online for years. But even on the phone it's always gonna have surprises.
No one is exactly who they are in real life, as they are online. Online there is always (to me) this cloud of confusion, so to speak. Hard to read people. On the phone? I might know you better than you know yourself. In person? It's a toss up depending on how well my visual attention is focused on you.
My husband and I met on ye old days of AOL 3.0. We were friends for several years before dating, and did the long distance relationship for four more years before he moved up to me.
It can be done, but it takes a level of honesty and communication that not a lot of people are willing to commit to new relationships, imo.
It can be done, but it takes a level of honesty and communication that not a lot of people are willing to commit to new relationships, imo.
illykitty
RF's pet cat
My relationship with my husband started online, we met on a forum, video game related. We spoke for a couple of years and we liked each other. Helps that we're both the type of people to be ourselves online. It did eventually lead to a real life meeting however. But we had it long distance and online for about 2 years, with me visiting sometimes in between. It was painful at times, but we really fell for each other. We talked to each other almost everyday, had webcams and so on.
I don't know if a purely online relationship and never meeting in person, for example, would work... I know I wouldn't feel satisfied from it, but that's just me. I need a physical connection. Maybe for someone who isn't inclined that way, it could be a way to satisfy emotional needs. *Shrugs*
Not love, but with friendship, that's another story. There's someone I've been talking to for many years now and still do. Never met him in real life though. And my husband has online gaming friends that we met, that have been talking and playing with each other for over a decade that we met in real life a few years back. So that can happen.
I don't know if a purely online relationship and never meeting in person, for example, would work... I know I wouldn't feel satisfied from it, but that's just me. I need a physical connection. Maybe for someone who isn't inclined that way, it could be a way to satisfy emotional needs. *Shrugs*
Not love, but with friendship, that's another story. There's someone I've been talking to for many years now and still do. Never met him in real life though. And my husband has online gaming friends that we met, that have been talking and playing with each other for over a decade that we met in real life a few years back. So that can happen.
It is harder, but I think that it is possible.
Generally speaking, we tend to love not the persons proper, but the expectations and images that we learn to associate with them.
With sufficiently good rapport and communication (and personal autonomy) genuine love can indeed bloom and express itself consistently. It may help if there are occasional in-person meetings... or it can change the dynamics in a damaging way.
On the other hand, I happen to think that many of the most genuine forms of love are largely intellectual and cognitive in nature. I do not doubt that an internet relationship may be very loving indeed.
In any case, love involves dedication. Not effort, mind you, but dedication (meaning time spent with the mind directed towards each other). Shalamar has it right in "A Night to Remember": When you love someone, it is natural, not demanding.
Generally speaking, we tend to love not the persons proper, but the expectations and images that we learn to associate with them.
With sufficiently good rapport and communication (and personal autonomy) genuine love can indeed bloom and express itself consistently. It may help if there are occasional in-person meetings... or it can change the dynamics in a damaging way.
On the other hand, I happen to think that many of the most genuine forms of love are largely intellectual and cognitive in nature. I do not doubt that an internet relationship may be very loving indeed.
In any case, love involves dedication. Not effort, mind you, but dedication (meaning time spent with the mind directed towards each other). Shalamar has it right in "A Night to Remember": When you love someone, it is natural, not demanding.
Sure! But, as others have pointed out, it relies on a large element of trust. But I also think it is important that you see each other, physically, as soon as possible and as often as possible. In the end, there is a level of compatibility that can only be explored if you are around someone.
Has distance been an impediment to our relationship?
I say it's an enhancer.
The more time we spend apart, the more I like ya!
