Can self evolution involve massive personal pain?

[1137]

Sorry if this is dumb, I'm kind of in a bad place tonight and decided to turn to my "faceless friends" haha. I was thinking about the concept of self evolution, the processes of coming into being into a higher version of yourself, however we try to word that. Well, tonight I lost one of my best, oldest friends. We're talking about best man at your wedding status of a friends. It was this whole deal that was easy to see coming but not this soon. I've watched him being whipped by a horrible person of a girlfriend, become a horrible friend in general, this rich-has-it-all-no-concept-of-real-life type person who thinks he's hot ****.

Well I was at work and end up having to leave early, had to get picked up because I wasn't safe driving (almost decided just to crash), smashed my phone when he wouldn't stop texting me, definitely a loss of cool to an extent. But I realized much more positives. The phone smash was a logical choice, something that needed to be done and cut that link. Not only this, when I was younger events even less crushing would have me ending my relationship, commiting social suicide, punching a hole in a wall... I realized that despite the intensity I've actually rather evolved. My anger was focused and my destruction ritual of the phone smash did it's psychodramatic drop, much more physical than a ritual but definitely a ritual in itself. On top of this I, finally, was able to focus where my anger was. Besides the quick driving issue (which I quickly remedied) I for once didn't see some horrible sign of a forever sucky life, I knew exactly where my focus was need. And we are talking about feeling betrayal and intensity on a level I've never experiences.

So I started thinking about works of justice and equilibrium, a path on the tree of life in a place I currently have found myself at relative to that mystical system. ANYWAYS, I took an initiative to force a mirror in my friend's face even though I knew where the path would take me, I came out with a rather balance state of Being. Yes I lost my friend and yes it hurts, but it was the right thing to do. Killing a dead relationship like you cut off a dead limb. It gave control back to my position in my world, even if not in a perfect way.

Of course I consider myself LHP and I have always felt causing Self suffering among the lines of what one may call "sin". However on this I feel it is different. I did not go out of my way to cause pain and I feel like this has helped me evolve and a being. I don't really know what I am even posting this for, probably sound like a little ***** but it's just hard for me and I was wondering on some thought.

 

[Mindmaster]

I've spent a lot of time optimizing my life and the larger improvements all hurt the most. I was put in places I wasn't comfortable in, or had to give up on friendships because such people were actually just bringing me down. Most of the people in your life just waste your time... The quicker you get to that idea the sooner it will be for you to locate of few that don't. My best friends have been low maintenance as a rule. Bad associations are always an emotive, time, and financial drain. Date above your station... Friend above it... You no longer will have these problems.

You will have people in your past that won't get with it -- ditch them. Some people are incapable of progressing and to remain with them you have to stop progressing yourself. They will see your advancement and likely get ******... then get nasty.. etc... Been there... done that..

 

[1137]

I've spent a lot of time optimizing my life and the larger improvements all hurt the most. I was put in places I wasn't comfortable in, or had to give up on friendships because such people were actually just bringing me down. Most of the people in your life just waste your time... The quicker you get to that idea the sooner it will be for you to locate of few that don't. My best friends have been low maintenance as a rule. Bad associations are always an emotive, time, and financial drain. Date above your station... Friend above it... You no longer will have these problems.

You will have people in your past that won't get with it -- ditch them. Some people are incapable of progressing and to remain with them you have to stop progressing yourself. They will see your advancement and likely get ******... then get nasty.. etc... Been there... done that..

So you're saying it comes with the territory, perhaps even more than for the average person?

 

[crossfire]

Evolving certainly makes the pain (which will end eventually) more bearable, no? The question then becomes one of whether this new pattern of evolution will stick, or whether you will revert back to your previous patterns, imo. If this new pattern does stick, will you have the fortitude to forgive your friend, and be thankful for this opportunity to evolve?

 

[1137]

Evolving certainly makes the pain (which will end eventually) more bearable, no? The question then becomes one of whether this new pattern of evolution will stick, or whether you will revert back to your previous patterns, imo. If this new pattern does stick, will you have the fortitude to forgive your friend, and be thankful for this opportunity to evolve?

Well define forgiving him. If I can be thankful for the opportunity to evolve then that is definitely Self-evolution I suppose. But we do some "forget it man" stuff then nothing has been accomplished.

 

[crossfire]

Well define forgiving him.

Allowing the pain you are currently feeling in regards to him end, rather than holding onto it.

If I can be thankful for the opportunity to evolve then that is definitely Self-evolution I suppose. But we do some "forget it man" stuff then nothing has been accomplished.

If he has an epiphany similar to yours, than "forget it man" stuff may or may not be in order. If you two help each other to evolve, even if painfully, then it just might be.

 

[DreadFish]

In my experience, self-discovery/evolution/however you want to word it, has been a very painful and scary process; besides the fact that I have clinical depression .

Anyway, in the process of transformation, there usually has to be destruction, of sorts, and in the process of transmutation, there has to be a catalyst. Pain isn't inherently bad, just like fire isn't inherently bad.

 

[1137]

In my experience, self-discovery/evolution/however you want to word it, has been a very painful and scary process; besides the fact that I have clinical depression .

Anyway, in the process of transformation, there usually has to be destruction, of sorts, and in the process of transmutation, there has to be a catalyst. Pain isn't inherently bad, just like fire isn't inherently bad.

That's a good point, sadly one I already knew and was just having trouble realizing. A good night's sleep does wonders for the head, doesn't it. Honestly the whole thing feels rather behind me already, it was a pain so far in the making that the only real shock was the time and place I suppose. Now I just feel like I had a necessary but emergency surgery of the mind.

 

[Iti oj]

I have found resisting change is the true pain.

 

[crossfire]

I have found resisting change is the true pain.

Yep. Clinging to old habits/karmic patterns.

 

[1137]

Yep. Clinging to old habits/karmic patterns.

Could explain the unexpected relief and peace I feel this fine morning.

 

[Adramelek]

Sorry if this is dumb, I'm kind of in a bad place tonight and decided to turn to my "faceless friends" haha. I was thinking about the concept of self evolution, the processes of coming into being into a higher version of yourself, however we try to word that. Well, tonight I lost one of my best, oldest friends. We're talking about best man at your wedding status of a friends. It was this whole deal that was easy to see coming but not this soon. I've watched him being whipped by a horrible person of a girlfriend, become a horrible friend in general, this rich-has-it-all-no-concept-of-real-life type person who thinks he's hot ****.

Well I was at work and end up having to leave early, had to get picked up because I wasn't safe driving (almost decided just to crash), smashed my phone when he wouldn't stop texting me, definitely a loss of cool to an extent. But I realized much more positives. The phone smash was a logical choice, something that needed to be done and cut that link. Not only this, when I was younger events even less crushing would have me ending my relationship, commiting social suicide, punching a hole in a wall... I realized that despite the intensity I've actually rather evolved. My anger was focused and my destruction ritual of the phone smash did it's psychodramatic drop, much more physical than a ritual but definitely a ritual in itself. On top of this I, finally, was able to focus where my anger was. Besides the quick driving issue (which I quickly remedied) I for once didn't see some horrible sign of a forever sucky life, I knew exactly where my focus was need. And we are talking about feeling betrayal and intensity on a level I've never experiences.

So I started thinking about works of justice and equilibrium, a path on the tree of life in a place I currently have found myself at relative to that mystical system. ANYWAYS, I took an initiative to force a mirror in my friend's face even though I knew where the path would take me, I came out with a rather balance state of Being. Yes I lost my friend and yes it hurts, but it was the right thing to do. Killing a dead relationship like you cut off a dead limb. It gave control back to my position in my world, even if not in a perfect way.

Of course I consider myself LHP and I have always felt causing Self suffering among the lines of what one may call "sin". However on this I feel it is different. I did not go out of my way to cause pain and I feel like this has helped me evolve and a being. I don't really know what I am even posting this for, probably sound like a little ***** but it's just hard for me and I was wondering on some thought.

Doors what you are now discovering about magical initiation in life are things I discovered decades ago. Yes, Initiation, Xeper, can be painful, there are times when it is going to hurt. I learned I had to abandon those who I thought were friends, but were actually keeping me on a lower level, if I was ever going to evolve in life. I also noticed that while the process of letting them go was painful, after doing it I felt free and as if a weight had been lifted.

Most Initiated LHP Magicians recognize those people in their lives that have either a positive or a negative influence. We must make the choice of which relationships we decide to nourish or dissolve. And, again, yes it may be painful. You must decide which is more important - your mundane life or the Evolution of your Higher Self?

Xeper.
/Adramelek\
Gnothi seauton!

 

[Erebus]

I feel like everything to say on this has been said already. Yes change can be painful, but so long as it works out for the better it's worth the suffering.

All I can say now is best of luck to you

 

[1137]

Doors what you are now discovering about magical initiation in life are things I discovered decades ago.

Oh Adramelek you're so superior to all us low life, wanna be magicians. :bow: hail!

If you read my thread you'd see I have realized this before too, it just does not usually hit so close to home and I was thrown severely off guard. I'm sick of your little condescending arrogant ****.

 

[Informare]

Doors, a book that helped me with this issue more than perhaps any resource I can think of is called "How I Found Freedom In An Unfree World" by Harry Browne. I think a lot about and wrestle with the issue of how I fit into the society around me, including my friends, family, and others. How do I handle someone who is incompatible with me and my aims? How do I exercise my own sovereignty in an effective, thoughtful, and fair way? It's very expensive to buy used because it's been out of print for a while, but some fancy googling can provide you with some "resources". It's also a relatively quick read, so I absolutely can't recommend it enough.

 

[Infinitum]

From my perspective self evolution would be of little use if it never actually presented us with a real challenge. It's usually the hardships that form us the most and we should welcome them as a positive (but painful) part of our paths.

I've had to leave a lot of people behind as well. I've been a lot happier for doing so, and often I've realized the full extent of the damage the relationship was doing years later. I was forced to leave one person behind who was extremely, extremely important to me and it still hurts on some level, but the longer I've been away the more I see how much not only she hurt me, but how much I hurt her due to the nature of our relationship. Part of the process is having to look into the mirror and accept your own faults and your inability to be who or what you want to be.

 

[Gjallarhorn]

Vergere: "That, at least, is very clear. I give you a gift, Jacen Solo. I free you from hope of rescue. Can you not see how I am trying to help you?"
Jacen: "Help? When we talk about the kind of things you've done to me, help isn't the word we use."
Vergere: No? Then perhaps you are correct: our difficulties may be linguistic. When I was very young, I came upon a shadowmoth at the end of its metamorphosis, still within its cocoon. I had already some touch with the Force; I could feel the shadowmoth's pain, its panic, its claustrophobia, its hopelessly desperate struggle to free itself. It was as though this particular shadowmoth knew I was beside it, and screamed out to me for help. How could I refuse? So I gave it what you mean by help: I used a small utility cutter to slice the cocoon, to help the shadowmoth get out."
Jacen: "You can't help a shadowmoth by cutting its cocoon. It needs the effort; the struggle to break the cocoon forces ichor into its wing veins. If you cut the cocoon—
Vergere: "The shadowmoth will be crippled. I robbed that shadowmoth. I stole its destiny—because I helped it."
Jacen: "That wasn't helping. That's not what help means either."
Vergere: "No? I saw a creature in agony, crying out in terror, and I undertook to ease its pain, and assuage its fear. But tell me this, Jacen Solo: what should I have done that you would call help?"
Jacen: "I suppose the best help you could offer would be to keep the cocoon safe—and leave it alone to fight its own battle."
Vergere: "And, perhaps, also to protect it from other well-intentioned folk—who might wish, in their ignorance, to 'help' it with their own utility cutters. And also perhaps, you might stop by from time to time, to let the struggling, desperate, suffering, creature know that it is not alone. That someone cares. That its pain is in service of it's destiny."
Jacen: "Yes..."

She has freed him from his own trap: the trap of childhood. The trap of waiting for someone else. Waiting for...others whom he could always count on to fly to his rescue.
He is not helpless. He is only alone.
It's not the same thing.

Institute for Jedi Realist Studies - Institute for Jedi Realist Studies - Topic: The Shadow Moth (1/1)

It seemed vaguely related.

 

[Iti oj]

123 eyes on me!!!!!! now kiss and make up!!!! or ill curse you or something..or worse yet I might bless you.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

Hmm...I'm a little out of my comfort forum here, but anywhoos...
There is generally some pain associated with change, regard of whether it is 'good'or 'bad' and regardless of the cause.

My view has always been to try and acknowledge this, to be completely honest with yourself about motives, and most importantly to reflect on your own actions are the surest ways to get through changes in life, and to learn and grow from them.

Basically, smashing the phone is less important than you understanding WHY you smashed the phone.

 

[1137]

Basically, smashing the phone is less important than you understanding WHY you smashed the phone.

That's another point I have been thinking about since it happened, especially when I go to check my phone every 30 minutes haha. To be honest, as I said it really worked as a sort of unplanned, impulsive yet useful destruction ritual as I think back to the basics. Honestly replaying the day in my head, that's when I recollected my cool, that connection was murdered, straight up, no way it was continuing because the continuation was not possible. There's other things that could be taken from it but they are things I already know.