Celibacy in marriage

[Maya3]

Here is an article about celibacy and other things.

A Case For Celibacy, Sobriety, and Sanity | elephant journal

What do you think about this? I know it's an ISKCON view and not a mainstream Hindu view. But how many people actually do this, both within ISKCON and in other traditions?

My personal opinion is that it is crazy. Really, it's too extreme.

If you decide to be a monk an join an Ashram... but most ashrams are not celibate I don't think? At least not mine.
Anyway, if you do decide to be a Sanyassin and save your sexual energy to have more powerful meditations, and really devote your life to reach Moksha then sure I can respect it. But within marriage unless you are going to produce a child?

I think its sad and unnecessary, living with someone can be hard enough, but to never have sex, it would only work for so long after a while you would start to get irritated with each other (more irritated than usual).
Having intimacy is very good for couples, it strengthens the relationship and keeps the bind between them.

Maya

 

[Jainarayan]

Gandhi was a married celibate, iirc.

 

[Me Myself]

I dont have anything against it for those couples that want to have such a sexless dynamic

I am just not that holy

 

[Vrindavana Das]

The sex impulse remains in an old man's heart also, even up to the point of death. To be rid of such agitation, one must be very much advanced in spiritual consciousness, like Yāmunācārya, who said:

yad-avadhi mama cetaḥ kṛṣṇa-pādāravinde
nava-nava-rasa-dhāmany udyataḿ rantum āsīt
tad-avadhi bata nārī-sańgame smaryamāṇe
bhavati mukha-vikāraḥ suṣṭhu niṣṭhīvanaḿ ca​

"Since I have been engaged in the transcendental loving service of Kṛṣṇa, realizing ever-new pleasure in Him, whenever I think of sex pleasure, I spit at the thought, and my lips curl with distaste."

The idea of staying in an ashram and practicing celibacy is to understand that we are not the body, but spirit souls. We do not need these gross senses to enjoy these higher tastes of the spiritual world. When we surrender to a Spiritual Master, he helps us achieve these higher transcendental tastes, so, our taste for lower pleasures like sex, slowly but surely goes away.

Lord Krishna in the Bhagavad Gita says:

balaḿ balavatāḿ cāhaḿ
kāma-rāga-vivarjitam
dharmāviruddho bhūteṣu
kāmo 'smi bharatarṣabha​

I am the strength of the strong, devoid of passion and desire. I am sex life which is not contrary to religious principles, O lord of the Bhāratas [Arjuna].B.G. 7.11

Sex life, according to religious principles (dharma), should be for the propagation of children, not otherwise. The responsibility of parents is then to make their offspring Kṛṣṇa conscious.

 

[Madhuri]

I think the idea of celibacy within marriage is ridiculous. So many marriages have broken because of this impossible rule.
Monks or sanyasis live a life of celibacy and they stay as far away from female contact as they can manage due to the temptations caused by simple proximity. Imagine then expecting a man and woman to live in the same home without needing that physical intimacy. So crazy.

 

[Maya3]

I think the idea of celibacy within marriage is ridiculous. So many marriages have broken because of this impossible rule.
Monks or sanyasis live a life of celibacy and they stay as far away from female contact as they can manage due to the temptations caused by simple proximity. Imagine then expecting a man and woman to live in the same home without needing that physical intimacy. So crazy.

I agree, it is also not necessary, sex is not ugly it is beautiful and loving.
It is also very healthy for the body.

"Since I have been engaged in the transcendental loving service of Kṛṣṇa, realizing ever-new pleasure in Him, whenever I think of sex pleasure, I spit at the thought, and my lips curl with distaste."

Spitting at something so beautiful is rather sad. Without sex none of us would be here.
I don't think God thinks that sharing love is distasteful at all.

Maya

 

[Shuddhasattva]

Namaste

This is a path for few, though I am not sure we ought call this path "ridiculous." it is viable and sanctioned.

It is not to be seen as a higher path either though. Only one that one should, if following it, have supreme conviction in.

On the other hand, kama is a legitimate aim of life so long as it balanced by dharma and moksha and, to an extent, artha.

Moreover, desire and pleasure are deified (Kama & Rati) and can, and should by those capable, be used as a force for spiritual evolution. I can explain this more in another post more to the point.

Namaste

 

[Maya3]

Namaste

This is a path for few, though I am not sure we ought call this path "ridiculous." it is viable and sanctioned.

It is not to be seen as a higher path either though. Only one that one should, if following it, have supreme conviction in.

On the other hand, kama is a legitimate aim of life so long as it balanced by dharma and moksha and, to an extent, artha.

Moreover, desire and pleasure are deified (Kama & Rati) and can, and should by those capable, be used as a force for spiritual evolution. I can explain this more in another post more to the point.

Namaste

Maybe ridiculous is a strong word, but within a love relationship it kind of is, each to their own, but if it's a requirement I think it is too much.

Maya

 

[Don Penguinoini]

No way. Sex is totally natural and healthy. I could never be a celibate or encourage celibacy for the reason other than there are too many people in the world.

 

[Vinayaka]

I think its a silly idea as well ... cause of a lot of divorces ..."if he/she isn't getting it at home, they'll surely go find somewhere else to get it."

 

[Vinayaka]

Gandhi was a married celibate, iirc.

As much as some might like to believe this, and it may well be true, the topic is hotly debated. Gandhi's sex life laid bare in new book Personally, all I can say is "I don't know."

 

[Jainarayan]

True, I wasn't there either. It's also apocryphal that he said "Hey Ram!" when he was shot, and not something else, if anything.

 

[Valjean]

"Married celibate" is an oxymoron.
Celibacy is the state of being unmarried. Abstinence from sex is chastity.

 

[Shuddhasattva]

As much as some might like to believe this, and it may well be true, the topic is hotly debated. Gandhi's sex life laid bare in new book Personally, all I can say is "I don't know."

Namaste

This seems sensationalized to me... anything to cash in off of discontent with Bapu.

He wrote in his own autobiography - experiments with the truth - of sleeping with (in the literal sense, not as a euphemism for intercourse) young women as a test of self.

 

[Vinayaka]

Namaste

This seems sensationalized to me... anything to cash in off of discontent with Bapu.
He wrote in his own autobiography - experiments with the truth - of sleeping with (in the literal sense, not as a euphemism for intercourse) young women as a test of self.

Never said I agreed or disagreed, merely pointed out there was some debate. But Gandhi and any discussion of him is off topic here. I shouldn't have responded. So back to the topic at hand ... IMHO, celibacy is a rare thing reserved for sannyasins, perhaps some sannyasinis.

 

[Vrindavana Das]

Hinduism is about Dharma (not religion). Celibacy is an intrinsic part of Dharma...one of the pillars of Dharma.

 

[Wannabe Yogi]

Here is an article about celibacy and other things.

A Case For Celibacy, Sobriety, and Sanity | elephant journal

What do you think about this? I know it's an ISKCON view and not a mainstream Hindu view. But how many people actually do this, both within ISKCON and in other traditions?

My personal opinion is that it is crazy. Really, it's too extreme.

If you decide to be a monk an join an Ashram... but most ashrams are not celibate I don't think? At least not mine.
Anyway, if you do decide to be a Sanyassin and save your sexual energy to have more powerful meditations, and really devote your life to reach Moksha then sure I can respect it. But within marriage unless you are going to produce a child?

I think its sad and unnecessary, living with someone can be hard enough, but to never have sex, it would only work for so long after a while you would start to get irritated with each other (more irritated than usual).
Having intimacy is very good for couples, it strengthens the relationship and keeps the bind between them.

Maya

This is my view.

There are two things that you can do with sexual desire:

-Sublimation by using it as an offering of pleasure to the one you love with devotion and respect.

-Transcend it through spiritual practice.

The Ramakrishna order has a very good track record with Swami's keeping there vows. No scandals in over 100 years. I know a man who wanted to join the order. A Swami told him that you should only join if you desire women only when around them. This is not true with most people I know.

There is a lot of sex going on in the puranas. All the characters (Rishis and Devas) of Hinduism that I know of (With the exception of Hanuman) were married Even Sukadeva who is held up as a purist of souls, when he told his dad sage Vyasa he wanted to take Sannyasa. His dad told him to get married. There is a reason for the ashramas. It is a way towards God.

For some folks who are well along the path Celibacy is the way to go. Most of us can benefit from engaging in the ashrams of life.

 

[Twilight]

I think celibacy/chastity is a nice ideal and undoubtedly a preoccupation with sense gratification is a hurdle in attaining knowledge of God... But... I also think people need to find their own particular path to the ultimate destination without being frowned upon for doing it wrong. Celibacy is supposed to free people from their attachment to sexual pleasure but what about if one of a couple wants to practice celibacy and the other does not? Do they break up their marriage or does the person who would like to be celibate have sex just to keep their partner happy because they love them? I know which I think is more conducive to spiritual advancement. People can still have a sexual relationship knowing full well that attachment to sex for pleasure is not desirable. I would suppose that being celibate because you are told you should be is less powerful.

 

[Shuddhasattva]

I would suppose that being celibate because you are told you should be is less powerful.

Excellent point.

 

[Vrindavana Das]

Celibacy is supposed to free people from their attachment to sexual pleasure but what about if one of a couple wants to practice celibacy and the other does not? Do they break up their marriage or does the person who would like to be celibate have sex just to keep their partner happy because they love them? I know which I think is more conducive to spiritual advancement. People can still have a sexual relationship knowing full well that attachment to sex for pleasure is not desirable. I would suppose that being celibate because you are told you should be is less powerful.

In the institution of marriage, regulated sex is allowed, for the propagation of God Conscious children. This is what is conducive to spiritual advancement. Lord Krishna says:

I am the strength of the strong, devoid of passion and desire. I am sex life which is not contrary to religious principles, O lord of the Bhāratas [Arjuna].B.G. 7.11